so i swore to myself that i'll never be swayed by the donut craze. i mean, after all, i didn't understand what all the hype was over gonuts donuts when it first came out.

and come on, i never really liked donuts in the first place. it's not like we're talking about fruitcake or dark chocolate with mint or something here. it's just a donut. it's something that american policemen eat while they're on duty.

and scratch the fact that i've been channelling sex and the city for most of my adult life and the fact that one episode of satc specifically talks about how miranda struggled with donuts together with this hot person.

i keep telling myself it's just a donut and i will never fall in line to buy donuts.

so when i finally fell in line at krispy kreme, i told myself, you're doing this for your favorite aunt. she had missed out on krispy kremes while she was in the US and was deathly curious about how they tasted like. i also told myself, okay, you love your cousins and they really love donuts.

so we braved the snaking line at sm megamall and ordered a dozen of their original glazed. and while we were in line, they gave each of us a whole donut each. i resisted biting into mine until we had cleared the line and paid for our donuts.

and when i bit into that piece of heaven, i knew i had to eat not only my donut but my words.

screw dieting, screw pride, screw shelling out 265 bucks for a dozen donuts that aren't even in my favorite flavor (which happens to be chocolate). i must buy my own dozen. soon.

update! someone promised to get me a dozen donuts this weekend. YIPEE!

christmas is officially over.

since i've been here at my aunt's house since friday evening, i have yet to open the presents i received which i forgot at home. i have, however, received two amazing presents so far - a 512MB card for my camera from my aunt and an SM gift cheque from my grand-aunt. the memory card is a huge deal for me as i've had my digicam for three years now but i've been taking pathetic pics since i've got a paltry memory card loaded and the SM gift cheque, well, we all know how much i love SM, right?

today, i plan to brave the traffic caused by the simultaneous sales that the malls decided to hold post christmas and get a much-needed haircut from gilbert the stylist. i'm also planning on finally purchasing my brother's christmas gift to me - a brand-new cellphone! ok, half of a cellphone, but still, not bad, huh? thank god for baby brothers who earn more than you do. hopefully, with all the mark downs, i will be able to buy the other people on my list their presents too. maybe then i can focus on finally preparing myself for the new year.

incidentally, i decided to give my starbucks planner to my aunt/pseudo-mom. she's expressed how much she likes it and even contemplated on completing the stickers ASAP so she can get her own. knowing how much she loves it, and believing that she'll appreciate it more than me, i decided to give it to her. she sort of doesn't want to accept it yet, claiming that i have spent a better part of the last two months drinking huge amounts of coffee in order to get it but i've insisted. after all, isn't christmas giving up what you love the most for a person you love?

enough mush.

mall. now. i am, after all, still a kid at heart and getting a new phone, well, that's big.

merry christmas!

with whatever energy i had left over, i attempted to buy everyone in my list presents yesterday. my aunt and i made our way to the podium with the resolve to finish our respective lists by visiting the three malls in the area -- on foot -- as parking would cause us more woe than anything.

so far i got most of the people presents, thanks in part to creative shopping and in part to just buying everyone the exact same thing. while doing that goes against everything i believe in, i must admit that if you've got 7 people in your list that you hardly know and might cause controversy if you got them different stuff, buying the exact same thing for everyone would leave you not only relieved that your shopping is done but likewise appease everyone that you love them in equal amounts.

oh well.

by the way, along with the rest of the population, i've also gotten my starbucks planner. it's a bit anti-climactic, IMHO, as everyone else is also toting one around. add to that the fact that it's crazy heavy to carry it on a regular basis and you come up with a girl who wants to appropriate for herself a planner that was bought as a gift for a cousin.

*sigh* how come i wasn't told christmas was going to be this complicated?

but it is christmas eve and i've got family around me. i've shoved aside the thought of doing some last minute christmas shopping this morning and just promised myself that i will finish it after the entire hullaballoo is over.

and, now that i've finally found gilbert the stylist once more and have scheduled a much-needed haircut for tuesday, new year shouldn't be a problem.

merry christmas, world!

i was ready with a long post detailing every single minute of "the date" with the boy.

and then i realized, no matter how i put it, it's going to say the same thing.

i'm horribly disappointed.

now excuse me as i cry myself to sleep.

why it's even brownout at 9 in the morning with the sun shining brightly outside like it's the middle of summer is beyond me.

i'm supposed to be doing my laundry, but i can't do that now since the washing machine needs electricity to run. can't go to the mall either since all my jeans are in the wash - nothing to wear. i could go boxing but i lost a contact lens last night as i attempted to remove it while balancing a cordless phone between my shoulder and ear. no contact lens - no vision.

and don't even begin to tell me to wear my glasses na lang. sometime in the middle of bar season, i left them on my bed and inadvertently squashed them into oblivion. it's all taped up now and serviceable when i'm at home. in public, i wouldn't be able to stand the humiliation.

anyway, ilang tulog na lang and it's thursday already and it's my cousin's wedding na and i'll be wearing my v. v. gown and hopefully will be with v. v. cute crush with whom i haven't finalized plans regarding thursday yet. he works in makati, i work in manila, we both live in las pinas, and it's a working day. how it's going to happen (half day kami and he picks me up? whole day kami and he just picks me up from work? whole day kami and we just meet at the church?) is still beyond me. right now, i'm just hoping he really put it in his calendar and he hasn't forgotten about it yet.

and hoping that he's not pretending he's forgotten about it so he could skip going to the wedding with me cause he doesn't really want to go now that he's thought about it.

dang.

i have to calm down and chant to myself "the brownout is making you crazy. the brownout is making you crazy."

fell in love with this lovely, slinky, i-feel-so-effing-thin gown last sunday. the price tag was a bit off my budget but at the rate it made me feel, i was willing to break the bank in order to get it. perfect, i told myself, especially since i have two events this december alone where i'd be required to wear a gown.

there was one tiny problem. it's black, and i've always steered away from black at weddings. and since the vizconde massacre thing, i've stayed away from black at big birthday bashes too. considering that one event is my cousin's wedding and the other one is my boss' mom's 80th birthday, the gown is a definite no-no.

it being so pretty, the thought of the pretty gown bugged me for days until i told my boss' assistant about it and my boss' assistant actually asked my boss if it would be ok that i wear black to her mom's event which i would be hosting and she said yes. one event down. one to go.

since everyone over at kikay exchange kept telling me to just get it over with and ask the bride if it would be ok to wear black to her wedding, i did it and guess what, she said yes.

so i rushed (as much as i could in december traffic!) to ATC to check the gown out again and it was every bit as pretty as when i tried it on the first time. but then shelling out that much money means i have to make sure i really, really want it. so i went around. there was this pretty lulu castangette cocktail dress that i loved but they (1) didn't have it in the color i wanted and (2) the bust area wasn't as generous as i needed it to be. so i took that as a sign.

i now have the gown hanging inside my closet. and since it's black, it's going to go perfect with the kate spade satin shoes i've had for two years now and haven't worn yet.

perfect.

(a bit of a problem with the shoes though. every single event that i've planned to wear them on didn't push through for me. what if something happens to this wedding like what if i get sick or what if the boy can't take me? dang. enough superstition. bahala na si batman)

as if the pilot calling me isn't enough, now barista boy has to call too!

i mean, come on.

the pilot calls me at the oddest hours and from the oddest places, with the oddest of requests. the most recent one was at 7:45 a.m. with me rushing to prepare for work, with him calling me from the airport as he was catching a flight to laoag, asking me, pretty please, if i can draft RIGHT THAT VERY MOMENT a letter requesting for a franchise. i mean, come on. what am i? your personal secretary?

uhm, if i may digress, the sad part is that i actually did it.

anyway, just now, after more than two months of not hearing anything from him at all, the phone rings and surprise, surprise, barista boy is on the phone asking how i've been, yada yada. okay, so i heard he's hooked up with someone and he's now zooming around in a brand new civic but that doesn't (and shouldn't) give him the right to disturb my v. v. nice sunday (oh yes it's a v. v. nice sunday, rain notwithstanding) by calling me and making small talk.

but we all know i'm a wuss and, as i've been accommodating the pilot's odd requests and odd phone calls for more than a year now, so there's nothing new in me turning into my doormat persona, and making small talk with barista boy.

dang.

when am i going to get a life?

if there's one intangible thing i can ask for this christmas, it's that my allergic reaction to chicken goes away.

to say today was a bad day would be an understatement.

bad day at work. plans not pushing through. the tiny heel of my new shoe deciding to fall off.

so i decided, okay, maybe this has something to do with the fact that i haven't boxed in a while. i mean, didn't we all learn from legally blonde that "exercise releases endorphins. endorphins make you happy."

i went to elorde, released all my pent up energy for an hour or so. i was so happy with finally getting the opportunity to exercise again that i even walked to kowloon a few meters away from elorde to get my jumbo pao fix. i got back in the car, imagining myself sitting in front of the television digging into my jumbo pao, when i got the shock of my life.

spike refused to start. it felt like december 22, 2004 all over again, except this time, i knew better.

i picked up my phone, made a call, and it was not long before my saviour arrived. car was pushed, car started, car moved.

but this being bad day and all, every single battery place we went to was either closed or didn't have my battery, except for this one place where the guy insisted on putting a huge battery that clearly does not fit.

good thing it didn't fit. damn thing cost 3,100 and it's not even the kind i think i need.

anyway, spike is now in the garage and as long as he's there, i can deal with the battery issues later.

but this bad day? well it has got to end. hopefully when i wake up, the fates would have decided to give me a day that's worth smiling about.

ok.

fear of fake invite waaay too premature. invite arrived today.

*insert huge sigh of relief here*

i do not have to uninvite pldt boy anymore.

now all i have to figure out is what to wear to the damn thing. the invitation says formal so it means that i can go all out in selecting the prettiest gown i can squeeze my self into. i haven't boxed in almost two weeks, and it seems like i won't be able to box again tomorrow night so the pounds seem to be piling right back on. gasp! a little more than two weeks to go. i have to go to boxing overtime mode.

and when i do the ab exercise, i must motivate myself by repeatedly thinking the following thoughts: MUST.LOSE.WEIGHT.MUST.LOOK.PRETTY.MUST.FIT.IN.NICE.GOWN.MUST.BE.PERFECT.

whether it'll work or not, i don't know. i am keeping my fingers crossed though.

22 days till christmas...

... and less days than that until that fateful wedding. but somehow, i'm not as excited as i was when i first heard about it. see, the aunt who invited me to the wedding isn't as trustworthy as aunts are supposed to be. we saw each other over the weekend and not only did she seem to avoid me and the other members of our family (opting to sit with people she didn't know in another table) but she likewise avoided mentioning anything about having invited us to her daughter's wedding.

while i'm sure i didn't imagine her text message inviting me to the wedding, i've begun to think that she "fake-invited" me and was actually quite surprised i agreed to go to her kid's wedding, considering that she and my mom have had this life-long feud. me, i'm not particularly interested in taking part in the wedding. i just want to get the opportunity to see pldt boy in something other than shirt and jeans.

tsk tsk. seems like those of us who have bad intentions lose out in the end. now, if it turns out it was a fake invitation, i might end up having to un-invite pldt boy.

man. i hate this.

on to better thoughts.

dropped by the coach website and i'm totally lusting after the tote that you can personalize by monogramming it. at more than $300 dollars for the bag plus the service, it's clearly going to take a really generous person to ensure that the bag makes an appearance under my christmas tree this year.

oh well.

at least i've got a new dooney and bourke bag courtesy of my parents and i totally love it. if only for that i'm excited to go to work tomorrow.

hurrah for good things

a storm is raging somewhere in the philippines and while pag-asa claimed it will be signal number 2 in manila by tonight, the weather is still peaceful where i am. that's good thing number 1.

since a storm is supposedly raging, alnp alabang cancelled its commitment night for tomorrow. that left this evening free for me to make my way to qc and finally open the balikbayan box which came for us.

and, as with all balikbayan boxes, good things come inside.

d&b bag, d&b lunch bag, towels, bedsheets, gummy bears, make-up, make-up bags, post-its, highlighters, notebooks, notebook paper (ok, i know i'm not in school anymore but i am a major sucker for school supplies), and a whole lot of knick-knacks.

sigh.

all those plus my third pair of seychelle's shoes (i still haven't bought the lilac suede pumps... i bought this orange-y brown flats that are soooo pretty), the list goes on and on.

happy weekend, everyone.

shoe love

today almost made it to our list of "the saddest things in the world."

well, almost.

see, i wasn't having a good day fashion wise when i went to work this morning. for some strange reason, nothing in my shoe closet fit the outfit i had selected for work.

well, almost nothing except this pair that i haven't worn in ages. a pair of round toe heels i bought when the craze first started, a pair i haven't worn in a while, a pair that is soon bound to make it to the trash bin. tipong isang suot na lang, pwede nang kunin ni god.

i wore them, believing with all honestly, that i am doing them a favor by wearing them one last time. it's like going out on one last date with the boy you knew you were going to break up with by the end of the evening.

when i got to work though, it became apparent that the shoe had beaten me to the punch. probably due to a lot of factors, heat and non-use included, one of the decorative straps decided to unglue itself from the sole. by the time 10:30 am came, decorative straps on both shoes have unglued themselves and were swinging gaily.

my officemates - none of them even remotely addicted to shoes - told me i should just have the shoe repaired somewhere. clearly, they didn't know of my plan to break-up with the shoe.

i told my officemates that we had to eat lunch at robinson's place. i NEEDED new shoes.

i was confident i was going to find an acceptable pair of shoes to replace the evil pair i was wearing. after all, isn't robinson's place manila THE mall which always has something on sale.

uhm, no. on the single day i desperately needed a new pair, the only shoes on sale inside the department store were shoes i wouldn't even wear if they were given to me.

and, oh. even the shoes selling for full price weren't shoes i'd buy on 70% off.

i walked out, dejected. the shoe whore has lost this battle.

sa celine, my officemate told me. so i went there and i spied a beautiful pair of leopard print ballet flats selling for PhP499. i requested for a size 8.

wala. so i picked another pair. they had it in 8 but i didn't like it so much and the color didn't look that good with the pants i was wearing.

emboldened by the fact that i had my 13th month pay deposited in my atm, i asked my officemates to go with me to nine west. last na, i told them.

nothing. nada. zilch. gay then said the magic words, "this is one of the saddest things in the world. to be so decided to buy a pair of shoes and not find any."

i agreed, but only until we got to rustan's and i saw the magic letters.

S

A

L

E

but then, i don't exactly have a love-love relationship with rustan's. clearly nothing like my relationship with SM.

but maybe the tantocos are making a bid for the heart that so belongs to henry sy. because when i came in, i spied a beautiful pair of barney-purple heels.

size 8 barney-purple heels by seychelles. they were not only on sale (from 4k++ to PhP1,350) but they went with my outfit and they fit me perfectly. and oh, i loved them at first sight.

so i told the girl i was going to purchase them. then the girl said, ok po ma'am. 638 pesos na lang po.

i must have misheard her. so i asked her again, magkano?

she repeated it word for word.

needless to say, i got another pair.

and i would have gotten a third had the third pair not been lilac suede shoes. for the life of me, i can't imagine where i can wear lilac suede shoes.

but then again, i've got tonight to think so who knows. maybe tomorrow, i'd feel an affinity for lilac suede shoes.

and at 638 pesos, i'm beginning to think i don't even need to feel any affinity towards them to take the leap and buy them. these are, after all, shoes.

and we all know how much i love shoes.

the fulfillment of a dream

while yesterday didn't really start out as an amazing day, it turned out okay, well, more than okay, thanks to fb.

it started out with me being very hungry by 3p.m., so i sent fb an SMS.

"gutom ako"

fb wasn't really nice at first. "may tinatapos ako."

grrrr.

i contented myself with pandesal. then, before going home, i spied his car still in the parking lot. at 5pm.

himala. i called, "sipag ah."

turns out he was just waiting for his boss to leave. and then he said something that made my heart leap, "halika pakainin na kita."

we made plans to meet at figaro at ccp but it turns out it closed recently. since he knows i want dimsum, we went to gloria maris beside coconut palace but they didn't have dimsum so we had to leave again.

hungry, tired, and desperate, he asked me, "gusto mo i-try jumbo floating restaurant?"

see, a week or two ago, i told him that i've always wanted to eat there. i never got the chance to do it in hong kong cause my parents felt it was too expensive for chinese food, not to mention my mom isn't really a fan of authentic chinese food. then, we were supposed to eat there for my cousin's graduation but my grandmother refuses to eat something that isn't on dry land so we scrapped the plan.

"sigurado ka?" i asked. i mean, come on. it must be expensive.

he nodded.

so we went in and we were seated at this place with a horrible view and we were informed within five seconds that no, they only had dimsum at lunch.

wtf?

but i guess he was tired of looking for a place to eat in (the only other choice was the ihawan place by the bay) and he knew how much i wanted to eat there so we did.

rice and shrimps.

good food but the bill shocked me. i mean, come on, good food shouldn't cost that much.

thank god it didn't shock him. he paid.

he paid in spite of the fact that i made the stupid, dumb, and uneducated mistake of telling him that the wash water was sauce for the shrimp.

see, they put the rice, the shrimp, and the wash water all at the same time on top of the lazy susan. and no one bothered to explain to us what that liquid in the bowl was.

it was just placed there.

and so i assumed it was for the shrimp. and i told him that. and since he apparently trusts me, he tasted it.

only to complain.

we had a laugh over that.

a hearty laugh.

but i know i'll never hear the end of it from him.

i don't care. i've finally eaten at jumbo floating restaurant.

dang. i almost forgot it's christmas-time.

well, sort of.

after all, spike already has his santa claus hanging from the rearview mirror and i've already brought the christmas tree at work. i've also loaded my favorite christmas cd on my car player and i play that every single moment i get. i've also already received my 13th month pay and i've actually bought my first christmas gift for someone.

and yes, my favorite peppermint mocha is back.

so why is it that christmas continues to remain the farthest thing from my mind?

maybe cause unlike last year, there's no starbucks boy to flirt with. and maybe cause unlike last year, there's possibility of receiving a shoe calendar from ghostwriter. maybe cause christmas shopping doesn't really sound exciting when there's no special someone for you to shop for. maybe cause at 150bucks a pop, starbucks coffee has become way to expensive to indulge in every single day.

i don't know.

but what i do know is that i have to muster up the christmas spirit up soon.

next to my birthday, christmas happens to be my favorite holiday and it would be an absolute waste of christmas if i let this one pass without so much as a bang.

p.s. i realized how un-christmassy i've been this year when i read pam's blog and realized that for the first time in my life, i can't seriously think of ten things i want on my christmas list.

well, there's one - pldt boy - but then you can't really put a person on a list, or can you?

26 days ... and counting.

i'm counting every single day until it's december 21.

thank god this week will be consumed by practices for our commitment night in lingkod. and thank god next saturday will be a full day for me, with my grand aunt's 80th birthday party plus a morning with the kids of tuloy sa don bosco.

thank god there's the all consuming desire to lose weight, especially now there's the need to fit into a gorgeous gown. oh wait, there's the need to find gorgeous gown in the first place.

but 26 days, well, 26 days will crawl and creep and take forever. and when that day finally comes, i'm willing to bet that each second will feel like torture until it's almost 7 pm.

and you know what the funny thing is? it's not even my wedding. and it's not even a wedding i want to attend in the first place.

but he will be going with me and that will make all the difference in the entire universe.

could it be true?

could it be really truly actually true (i'm being redundant, i know!) that my seven-month old crush might actually see me the same way i see him?

well if there's any truth to what i got from one of his friends, then the next time you see me, i might be floating on cloud nine. but until i get any confirmation regarding that rumor, i'm going to stay planted on earth. with guys, you never ever really know what they're thinking.

incidentally, if its really true, i'd be very very happy. and it would be the perfect way to cap a really awful day at work.

and, oh, ara. my mom got my pink boxing gloves already! now all i need to wait for is the box that'll be bringing it straight to me.

pampanga, pacman, and pldt boy.

my weekend couldn't have gotten any better.

after boxing last saturday, i met some of the brother and sisters from lingkod at ATC and by three, we were off to pampanga.

the trip there would have been pretty uneventful had it not been for the fact that i was in the same car as pldt boy. being the naturally chatty and inquisitive person i was, it was not long before i had interrogated him on everything.

well, almost everything. it was not long before one of the sisters who knew i had a major thing for pldt boy began giving me the evil eye, as if trying to tell me that i had no business "investigating" this person, especially considering that he had shown absolutely zilch interest in me.

oh well.

every single minute at pampanga was fun, from joining the ALNP prayer meeting at san fernando to crashing ALNP angeles' fellowship at mimosa (and, in the process enjoying a whole lot of divine food, so much for my diet). and that was just what we did on the first day. we slept at guagua, pampanga where we also heard mass in this pretty church with an amazing all-male choir. after brunch, we then headed out to angeles once more where we had lunch (yes, brunch then lunch ... pampanga means no dieting allowed, it seems) at the house of a sister. we were served sinigang (my absolute favorite), sisig, and inihaw na tilapia. while we were served dessert (as if we still had space for that), all of us rushed through it since pacman's fight was about to be shown already.

so what if we knew pacman was going to win already, right? for one, i was watching it to gaze at morales and nothing else.

after the fight (uhm, if you could call it that), we then went to dau to visit a brother who was celebrating his birthday, and that meant MORE eating, including this thing that we fondly called "slugs".

we were finally able to leave pampanga at around 7 or so, and, unlike our trip going there, the drive home was pretty uneventful. we were all tired, we all wanted to get home already, and we all had work the following day. we did have fun though taking pictures at mcdonald's petron. if you were there sometime 8 p.m. well, we were the group that bought a single cup of coffee but pretty much abused the place. horrible, aren't we?

an amazing weekend all in all. hopefully i'd have pictures to show for it soon.

let me delude myself now. see, i actually believed the saleslady in a store when she told me "siguro ma'am nag-gy-gym kayo kasi maganda katawan niyo." i'm willing to bet she just wanted to make a sale.

but when every part of you is aching and you've probably used more alaxan gel than manny pacquiao after a fight with morales, you'd cling on to anything to make you take another beating at elorde, right?

anyway, i cheated on my trainer yesterday and decided to try out this boxing gym recommended by a friend from work. it's a gym located at the fourth floor of wesleyan colleges (somewhere in taft, behind arellano school of law, just can't remember the name now, my bad) and while the fees are pretty much the same as those in elorde, i realized that a kind-hearted trainer won't do me any good. unlike lando (my elorde trainer), this guy let me rest when i wanted to rest, let me slack-off when he'd see me panting, and ignored the "short cuts" in throwing my punches. he was kind, but he didn't seem that motivated in making sure i was doing everything right. enough cheating, then. tomorrow, i will subject myself to another gruelling torture boxing session with lando. after all, i do want to win that bet.

with every fiber of my being consummed with boxing, i haven't had given enough attention to other noteworthy things, such as the return of the red cups at starbucks! so far, i only have four pathetic stamps in my "planner card" (or whatever it is that they call it) and considering that it takes almost forever to burn off all the calories i'd ingest in a single cup of peppermint mocha, a huge part of me wants to call my bid for a planner quits. two things, however, are preventing me from doing that: (1) peppermint comes only once a year - and i do love peppermint beyond all comprehension and (2) the planner is v. v. pretty.

pam has posted about the wishing bracelets and i want one too. i actually want a specific bracelet and if you know me well enough, you'd know it's the one which says "i want more shoes." and you know what, i really do.

oh, by the way, i've opened a bank account for spike. my officemate kidded me about it, basically laughing at the thought that anyone would open a bank account for her car but then at the rate that car consumes money for repairs, insurance, and what-not, i'm going to need to set aside money for it specifically so i don't mess with my other accounts whenever something big comes up, like the way the 30k check-up ruined my budget. my mom was right. having a car is like having a kid.

this is it for my friday then. enjoy the weekend, everyone!

thursdays aren't usually exciting. it's pretty much like the orange lifesaver: it's not quite as popular as the red ones but it's a pretty acceptable substitute. thus, thursday isn't quite friday but the fact that you know you've got one more work day to go is pretty good.

this thursday, if i may say so myself, is pretty good.

good food over lunch.

good day at work, finally finishing this crazy decision that, IMHO, was an absolute waste of the court's time.

good boxing session. so good i actually got my first "war wound". well, it's just a tiny scrape on my knuckle but i feel like a "boxer" now. sad but true.

good post boxing session with a friend, just hanging out chatting about life while staring out into the horizon.

i never really liked thursdays. but this thursday, well, it's good enough. let's see what friday might bring.

who knows? maybe pldt boy might finally make his move.

i want

p.s. santa,it's available here: http://store.everlastboxing.com/hp-training-gloves-pink.html

i thought it was going to get easier.

it wasn't.

it actually got a bit harder, especially when we were doing the abdominal exercises. there were parts of my tummy that were calling out for help, parts that i didn't know existed prior to this day.

and my punches, well, they were flying all over the place. clearly i lose control of my arms half an hour into the workout.

let's not even talk about the huge amounts of sweat that came out of me today. i could have irrigated a small town in bulacan.

i had hoped that when i weighed myself when i got home there'd be some progress. a pound. or two. anything.

guess what, no change. not even a teeny tiny bit of change. the arrow decidedly stayed at my pre-boxing weight. heck, i weigh more than pacquiao.

damn.

but then we had crispy pata, sisig, crisy kangkong, and inihaw na pusit for lunch. and i didn't hold back on the rice (i ate a full cup!), nor did refrain from ordering a drink (lemonade). and we also had pancit bihon for merienda to celebrate someone's birthday. clearly, these are things that aren't going to help me in my bid to lose weight.

oh well. i'm keeping a positive attitude about this. i am enjoying boxing and it's keeping me busy (too busy to think about pldt boy, forbidden boy, and the pilot).

but hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, i begin to show some progress after this week. i don't know how long i'll be able to keep this positive attitude if i don't lose weight soon.

today the government gave us PhP7,500.

a month ago, when the rumors first came out that we were going to get money, i told myself i was going to buy me a new fino bag. i even visited the store several times contemplating on which bag to buy. i told my friends at work (sometimes telling them helps me from backing out) and told them to remind me just in case i forget.

PhP7,500 for a pretty bag is a bit too much, i agree. i've got two reasons though why i needed this bag: (1) i usually end up spending bonuses on things i can't remember, hence, a big purchase would be good cause i'd at least know where the money went and (2) i've been working hard, i need something to reward myself with. call it my early christmas gift to myself.

but then while i was hanging out with a friend and discussing the merits of the bag, he, hatefully i may add, did not agree with the purchase.

"that's too much," he said, "and you don't even need it! some of your bags are in the living room already."

uhm, well, some of them are.

so when the PhP7,500 arrived this afternoon, i knew it wasn't going towards a new bag, it was going to go straight to the bank. PhP2,500 to open a bank account for spike, my car (at the rate it "spends" money on regular check-ups, insurance, and gasoline, you'd think i was raising a child) and PhP5,000 to go to my account.

only the person i asked to deposit it to my account didn't get to the bank on time and banco de oro refused to allow me to open an account cause i didn't have a 1x1 picture with me.

clearly, the money isn't meant to go to the bank.

but whether the money should go towards a lovely fino bag, well, maybe i'll be able to figure that out tonight.

but, honestly, a new fino bag sure does sound good to me.

partly out of pride, partly out of my unexplainable faith in myself, and partly out of a desire to have a spanking new body by the time i hit thirty, i made a bet with a friend.

well, it didn't exactly start out that way. it started out like every other conversation i had about my weight:

other person: you're pretty.
me: thanks.
other person: you'd be
prettier though if you lost weight.
me: i know.
other person: so why
don't you?
me: i will.

now, on any other other day, the conversation would end with that and i'd go on my merry way and the other person would go his/her merry way and we'd never discuss the weight issue again until, well, probably until the next time i wear something unflattering and the weight becomes painfully obvious.

this time though, it was different. my friend made a bet with me. a two thousand peso bet. two thousand bucks for twenty pounds to be lost before i hit thirty. that means in the next four months, i ought to lose at least five pounds a month.

i really should've thought about it more, after all, two thousand bucks, if you think about it, isn't that big an amount these days anymore. but then it might have been one of those days when my knees were painful from walking around in heels (you don't really realize how much you've gained until you wear your sky high heels and your knees groan from the pressure) or it could've been the fact that i haven't worn this pair of pretty slacks for the longest time. it could've also been the fact that i'm supposed to emcee yet another event for my boss by the end of december. i don't know. what i do know is that at the end of that day, i had made a bet, and i planned on winning it.

so today, i made my first move towards winning that two grand: i finally went with a friend to elorde. now, as far as gyms go, the elorde sports center at sucat leaves much (a lot!) to be desired. considering however that i am, and have never been, a gym person, the testosterone-filled room didn't scare me. it simply told me that if i really wanted to lose those 20 lbs. (and who knows, 30?), i was in the right place.

i wasn't wrong. by the time i finished the warm-up (yes, just the warm-up) i was close to panting like a lost dog. by the time i finished the laps around the room, i was like one of those horses foaming at the mouth from sheer exhaustion. and 45 minutes into the basics of boxing, i was ready to box the trainer himself. i was THAT tired.

probably sensing that, the trainer said "we're done" and took off the gloves and the bandages and let me go. finally.

or so i thought. after making small talk, including the promise that 20 lbs. shouldn't be a problem if i did this thrice a week, he then made me stand again.

wha-----

abdominal exercises.

f*cker. this guy was hitler, only he didn't speak german.

i made it through my a little over an hour trial session. and all the torture to my body aside, i loved it.

i loved it so much i am actually looking forward to going back there. i loved how the exercises made me feel that i actually went to atc afterwards (achy muscles and all) and bought my own hand wrap and boxing gloves.

now, whether i do lose the 20 lbs. or not, i wouldn't know until i've done more sessions. but whether i do or not, well, i'll probably learn enough of boxing to punch the hell out of any person in the future who'd have the guts to open up any topic concerning my weight.

i'm a closet britney fan. what that means is that while i don't own a single britney cd (pirated or otherwise), i'll most probably belt out at least one britney song while doing videoke with family and friends. that, and the fact that i am willing to admit in public that i watched britney's movie, crossroads, in the movie theater.

i "dumped" britney when she married kfed, basically cause kfed doesn't rock my boat and since, well, britney wasn't "britney" when she was with him. she got fat, she got kids, and she became tabloid fodder. totally unlike the "idol" that she was when she first came out.

anyway, now she's filed for divorce and is smokin' hott britney once more, well, there's a huge possibility that the britney mania might surface in me once more.

and maybe, this time around, i'd finally get around to buying one of her cds. (i bet a post kfed cd would be full of angsty mad sing-able tunes. good.)

sorry world, it's just been a really shitty day.

really, it should have been a good day. after all, how often do i received a bunch of pink roses first thing in the morning from an unknown person?

but then there are things that lovely flowers simply cannot cure.

so if you were the driver of the baby blue hyundai getz that i honked at for a full minute for stopping in the middle of a very narrow road to unload a person, i'm sorry. (although i still believe it was bad manners to have stopped in the middle of the road, effectively preventing anyone from passing on either side.)

and if you were the jeepney drive i had a "gitgitan" contest with, i'm sorry too.

i'm sorry if during the course of the day i lost my patience with you or if while driving home i cut you off. i'm sorry if i didn't give a tip even if the service was pretty good and i'm sorry if i refused to do you any favors.

there are just days when even the chirpiest of us refuses to chirp. today happens to be one of those days.

it could be PMS (although way tooooo early for that) or could be cause sun did something totally evil and shitty again (if i don't reply to your messages, you know it's not cause i'm snubbing you.).

i dunno.

it's just been a really bad day and i can't wait for it to end.

p.s. if you were the one who gave me the roses though, thank you very very much. were it not for those, i'd probably have ended up a lot worse.

i'm hungry but i'm too lazy to go out and get some food.

i'm bored at home but i'd rather have supernatural on the dvd player play on and on (with me hardly understanding anything as i'm not really watching) rather than go out and actually get stuff done.

today i know i've got to go out and get my own copy of inquirer (hopefully they haven't run out of copies yet), pay meralco, pldt, and cellphone bills, and buy that amazing gift for my godchild before they run out of it but i can't seem to get around to doing it.

i've been awake since 6 (and i blame my brother for it) but as to having done something productive, well, nothing, nada, zilch. unless of course you consider the email that i've sent my mom.

the martian - who had coffee with me last night - has noted that i'm pretty bored with my life right now. lack of boys, perhaps, he asked me. well, not really.

i mean, there is forbidden boy and looking at him is enough to send shivers down my spine but then looking and actually having aren't really the same. and we all know i can't have him, right?

and pldt boy. gah. either it's going to happen, or it's not. at this rate, it's not. but he is hott, damn it, really really hott and had it not been for lingkod, well, i'd have done every single thing in the book to be with him. as things stand right now, though, i am supposed to be content with just pining for him. pining quietly and silently and pray to dear god that he never ever figures out how i feel about him.

it's stupid how these things consume me right now, especially when just watching television you'd realize a million and one things that are worth consuming you as opposed to mundane things like hunger pangs and boys. but then, this is me, and i am as shallow as can be.

and sometimes, it's the shallow that gets us through the day.

you know you haven't had a real crush in ages when something like having "narda" in his cd collection makes you think that yes, god has meant that two of you to be together from now till all eternity.

ok, from now until the next amazing person comes along. but then again, who knows, i am going to be 30 real soon and if i don't settle down anytime soon, well, my grandmother might just take my cousin's suggestion to pay someone off to marry me.

it's funny though how i can be so giddy over a boy having "narda" at the same time i am contemplating over adopting a real live baby. see, i went to tagaytay with my AG this weekend and as a birthday outreach, our AG leader took us to LAHI. now, on any given day, i'd enjoy hanging out with a roomful of kids. but then by the time it comes for us to leave, i'd be pretty much ok with leaving the kids there. this time, i felt something inside me when i held this 6-month old boy, tristan. that feeling when you're ready to give up your shoe obsession so you can buy pampers and milk and what not.

but then again, maybe not.

anyway, i'm supposed to be on my way to cabanatuan right now and guess what, i'm here, in the mall, surfing, blogging, and what not. i've every intention of going home to cabanatuan (and get that bag i want from tita celia) but then again, who knows. at the end of the day, there's a huge possibility that watching an entire season of supernatural might win out on a never-ending road trip.

see you all soon, and happy halloween. i know mine is. ;)

i am still alive.

and while it may seem i've every intention of deserting this blog, be not mistaken. my desire to broadcast my life (to the bewilderment of my uncle) to the entire world is still there.

probably there just hasn't been much to write about. i mean, the bar is, well, the bar. it was shitty. i hated taking it again. it was four sundays of trying to prove myself worthy to be called a lawyer, not that the question of who the president of the international court of justice is and what his nationality is should have anything to do with trying to measure my lawyerly-aptitute.

gah. if you're going to be just like the million and one people who asked me how the bar was, well, don't expect an intelligent answer. you'll be getting the same answer i've given everyone. TAPOS NA. beyond that, i refust to think about what i've written down or what i'll do if i flunk it again, or even what i'll do if i pass. just keep the bar examiners in your prayers. pray that they like my answers and pray that, just like me, i don't think the four ACIDS and the four INS of justice panganiban is a relevant question in mercantile law.

really, it was dumb.

don't you agree?

moving on.

i've been consumed with my newly-purchased dvd (yes, i just got my first dvd player a month ago. i'm a loser i know.) and watching anything and everything i can get my hands on. so far, i've watched the korean telenovela "forbidden love", seasons 1 & 2 of grey's anatomy, season 2 of lost, seasons 1 & 2 of dr. house, seasons 1 & 2 of the 4400, and commander-in-chief. i would have gone on to watch all three seasons of nip/tuck too had my brother not told me to wait for him before i get started on those. bah. now i'm left with nothing to watch. so i'm consuming the entire sandman series. those and work. rosa the government employee is trying to make up for a month and a half worth of decisions and resolutions and well, chika with the officemates.

my lovelife is zilch, although there was a bar boy but bar boy wasn't even worthy to be called a bar boy for he, unlike the other boys, didn't do anything for me during bar season. THAT was a complete waste of time. and there's forbidden boy, who clearly from the monicker, shouldn't even be in the radar. i still pine for pldt boy. so there, keep him in your prayers too. say something like, "god, rosa wants two things only: to make the bar examiners like her answers so she'll pass and for pldt boy to like her back." that shouldn't be too hard, right?

anyway, if you're happy i'm back online and blabbing, well you gotta thank pam. if she hadn't texted me this afternoon asking for me to write something, well, i wouldn't be here.

and oh pam? thank you again for the opportunity.

p.s. keith and anna, this post's for you guys.

same time, tomorrow, i'd be an hour into my political law exam. as with last year, the first week will be "my week" as both subjects happen to be the ones that made all the years in law school worth it. i loved everything poli, and even loved more anything labor so tomorrow - while not a breeze - is something that wouldn't weigh as heavy in my heart as the second and third sundays.

i've received "i know you'll do well" text messages, promises of prayers, and anything and everything by way of sending me off with all the luck in the world. members from my alnp community have prayed over me and have given me thousands of "god bless" kisses and shoulder taps. right now, my aunt and her entire family are ignoring me in their bid to make me study one last time before i stop at five this evening.

panic has begun creeping since thursday evening. in one swoop, all the calmness that has pervaded me the last five months disappeared and stupid concerns such as "who will i eat lunch with" and "who will be there with me" crept into my consciousness. whatever adrenalin rush that has propelled me to study every single day since april 1 dissipated and left me bone weary. i am tired, and scared, and fearful of facing the twenty to fifty questions each examiner will throw my way starting 8 tomorrow morning.

but, this is the rest of my life. this IS my life. this is what i am supposed to do best.

and with that thought, i bid you all again a temporary farewell for the next 28 days. wish me luck.

it's been a while since i last taught a class, unless of course you count the one i did last friday. but then who knew that i'd be back to my usual "teacher" self so soon in the game? who knew that i'd slip back into my old habbit of finalizing my lecture just a couple of hours before the actual lecture itself?

bad, huh. thank goodness for the fact that, well, i do know this topic like the back of my hand. the only difference though is that i came up - for some reason - with the idea of making an entirely different powerpoint and now i have to live with its consequences. read: finish powerpoint with less than seven hours to go before the lecture itself. seven hours should be good under normal circumstances but then if you've to figure in taking a shower, dressing up, driving all the way to ortigas, eating lunch, and setting up in the picture, well, seven hours isn't much.

and, oh, i've got to add "slight fever" to the equation. somehow, the fact that i actually got some studying done on a weekend seems to have shocked my body and reduced it to this sickly lump of clay.

two years ago i was a superwoman doing anything and everything i wanted. now, all i want to do is snuggle under the covers and sleep. 29 shouldn't feel this old.

last sunday, at his birthday party, leuts sorta complained that he doesn't know what's been happening to me lately as i haven't been posting really.

i do, but then considering the last couple of posts have been about how i've been engaging in incessant retail therapy, they don't really count, especially when all leuts really wants to know, him being leuts and all that, are the juicy stuff.

but then since i'm just in a smelly corner at netopia and i don't really enjoy surfing at smelly corners, here's just a quick unorganized summary of things that has happened to me recently:

1. new guy who asked me to hear mass with him on our first date. 1,000,000 pogi points.

2. and no, he's not the guy i've been pining over since april. a totally new guy.

3. the weird thing? i actually like the new guy.

4. finally went on leave, much to my officemates' joy. they keep telling me to go on leave so i can finally study. i think it has more to do with the fact that in spite of all the studying i have to do, i have a tendency to disturb them a lot.

5. shopping monster has went on hiatus, finally. i suspect it's because of the sorry and sad state of my finances.

6. i watched sukob. it was not exactly the best movie to watch especially when you have such a limited time for activities like watching movies. but i did, and stupid as it may have been, the time was well spent if only for the fact that it was pure, unadulterated entertainment that didn't require any form of thinking on my part. and, considering the huge amounts of information i've put inside my brain over the last five months, any activity that doesn't require a working brain is tops in my book.

7. i just realized i haven't really posted anything about the bar, save for a random complaint here and there. so, in case you're interested in bar news:
a. yes, i'm studying.
b. no, i don't think i know everything yet.
c. from how some students talk, it does seem possible to know everything. as for me, it'll be a miracle though if that were to happen.
d. my aunt asked me what's different between this year and last year. well, for one, i actually got through my first reading and am hoping to finish my second reading before pre-week. but, sad to say, commercial law has yet to make sense to me. i'm resigning myself to a really low grade at that subject. so, isn't it pretty dumb that almost every other person's telling me to go into corporate law???

the posts might be fewer and farther in between beginning today. the first sunday is just two and a half weeks away and i've so much to squeeze in my already much abused brain between now and that day. any extra-curricular activity - including blogging - will have to be severely cut down for the meantime.

so, i'll see you guys when i see you. and hopefully, by that time, things will be so much better for me ... and for you too!

p.s. if you were duped by starbucks to buy all those expensive drinks so you can get a planner, will you be kind enough to give me your coupons which allows you to "personalize" your drink? that is if you're not using them. thank you.

there are good days.

and there are really good days. days where you wake up early and feel like jumping right out of bed. days where you log on and catch the girl you've been having "offline chats with". days where you catch your dad online.

really good days are when you skip lunch but your tummy feels ok after downing two packs of cookies someone gives you for giving him a ride. it's when you arrive early but you don't mind as it gives you time to bond with new friends. it's when you're surrounded by five like-minded girls who you enjoy in both serious and non-serious capacities.

a really good day would mean you being able to avoid buying something that's been bugging your mind for days now. or, it's when you do decide to buy something simply because it was on sale and you liked the colors. it's when you're able to say that you don't need another pair of pink three-inch stilettos, even if you'll be able to get it 70% off the original price.

it's when you're able to park yourself in starbucks, plug yourself into your ipod and study like the bar's going to be tomorrow. it's when you're able to find something to tide you over until christmas comes and they have peppermint mocha on the menu once more (fyi: it's grande decaf mint non-fat with whip extra hot mocha). it's when everything else doesn't matter except you and your ability to make sense out of criminal law.

today's one of those days. ain't life grand?

it can't be THAT bad

the other day i received a text message telling me that there's a bunch of people suing kfc because of the oil they use to fry their fried chicken. and, since he probably knew i wasn't going to believe it cause it was, after all, just a forwarded message, it also said there that the message wasn't a hoax as it was reported in the international herald tribune last june 5.

a message like that would've probably deterred someone from eating kfc, even for a week at least. but NOT me. almost immediately after i read the message, i closed my book, stood up, and made a beeline for the nearest kfc.

i just kept thinking that i don't really exercise (except bounce up and down on my exercise ball) and i eat bacon anyway. i don't drink the required amounts of water and my sleeping, at best, is erratic. how much harm can kfc do, right?

plus, kfc makes me happy, and being happy makes happy hormones, which makes you quite healthy. so i'm thinking as long as i kfc brings me unadulterated joy, then i'm going to eat kfc. saturated fats notwithstanding.

right now i've got five hours to go before SM finally opens and when it does, i hope to be there, with my brand new hair iron in tow, fingers crossed, hoping to god that they've got a lenient return policy.

see, i know you can return stuff at sm. i've done that several times in the past, especially when a pair of shoes doesn't seem as pretty as it did when i was at the store. what i don't know is if they'd allow you to return something twice.

last tuesday, i finally succumbed to my desire to possess the watson's ceramic hair straightener. it was well within my budget and looked every bit as pretty as the expensive hair straighteners on the shelf. together with half of the population, i too own the tiangge ionic hair straightener (the guang ming kind) that was all the rage four years ago, something i just use when i need pictures taken and my hair has to be decent. so, technically, i didn't need this. but i wanted it, and so, after several days of contemplating whether i wanted it or not, i finally got it.

except that when i got home and tried the iron, i discovered that the plates didn't lie flat against each other. it did straighten my hair ok, but it wasn't any different from the cheap ionic hair straightener. so yesterday, i went to sm and hoped to have it exchanged for a similar straightener which had plates lying flat against each other.

i looked at every single straightener. each one had plates that gaped at the end. so, at the end of the day, i added money and got another brand.

the other brand wasn't as pretty looking. and while it did straighten my hair ok, again, it wasn't any different from the cheap tiangge ionic hair straightener.

a total waste of money, IMHO.

i've my heart set out on a 1800-watt hair dryer. unlike a hair iron, THAT i don't have. i'm beginning to think that all the other hair irons, no matter how expensive, can only be slightly better than my tiangge iron at this point. and since i hardly use mine anyway, maybe it's time to accept the fact that i made a mistake buying something simply because it looked pretty. right now, i'm totally hating the fact that there's no money-back return policy, only store credit, WATSON's store credit at that. so, i guess i'm stuck on getting a hair dryer. either that or i'm going to be blowing my money later on a whole lot of products i don't need.

(or, i'm realizing just now, if they have a really crappy return policy and they don't let me return the iron at all, i'm stuck with an iron i don't even want. and, THAT, is the crappiest thing of all.)

i finally bought the exercise ball.

i thought i'd be getting a lot of exercise using it. i imagined myself doing crunches on it, doing leg lifts, rolling on it, and the million and one exercises i've seen online.

but my goodness, how come never told me that THE major exercise i'd get was inflating the damn thing. and lest you think i used that puny pump that goes with it, i didn't. i actually used the pump that you use on car tires!

i've spent more than an hour trying to inflate it and so far, while it's now finally round, it's nowhere near the size and "give" it's supposed to be. both my legs hurt, both my arms hurt, i've sweat buckets, and i'm panting like i've never panted in weeks. had i not spent hard-earned money on it, i might have thrown it out in disgust.

i can't even imagine how long it would have taken me had i used the pathetic plastic little pump it came with.

so be forewarned. if you'd be tempted - like i was - to buy the exercise ball especially with the sm advantage card promo, make sure you have one of those pumps you hook up to your car. either that or get ready for the major work-out of your life... pumping the damn thing.

more wit and wisdom from my five-year-old nephew, elok

on my new belt
elok: ate rox, wag mo isuot yan.
me: bakit?
elok: baka kasi maipit tiyan mo!

on my aunt's boyfriend
elok (to his mom): sino yung parating kasama ni tita celia?
mom: sino dun?
elok: yung driver niya.
mom: ah, si mang boy!
elok: hindi yung isa pa. (now take note my aunt only has one driver)
mom: sino, si tito ronnie? (complete with puzzled look as ronnie is my aunt's boyfriend, although we've teased my aunt about the fact that she treats her boyfriend as a driver "with benefits")
elok: oo, yun nga! si tito ronnie!

had the most amazing weekend with my entire family from my dad's side. we got copies of the first few pics taken by the wedding photographer and while we were all in a sad sorry state owing to the heavy downpour, the photographer was able to make us all look pretty, glowing, and as if we hadn't had to deal with major downpour.

and, oh, we were all v. v. pretty in the pictures. here's a pic of my foot. stupid to upload a pic of a foot really but (1) i wanted to show my pretty shoe and (2) i wanted to show how my brother can be so sweet sometimes. that hand doing my shoe strap? that's my bro's hands.

pretty tired now but am waiting for my aunt's text message as we're having coffee with them. tita celia and sir are headed home to cabanatuan tonight and this will be the last time we'll ever get to spend with tita nilda before she heads back to canada.

before we all split up, tita celia said that wherever we'll be six years from now, we'll all have to be back in cab for my lola's 75th birthday. someone, i can't remember who, complained, saying that's a long way from now. i then made a statement which shocked even me - "oh, you'll all find yourselves back soon, i hope. i will, after all, be getting married before that time. and you will be coming home for my wedding, right?"

gaaaah. fearless forecast. i just hope it comes to pass.

i've started doing "the purpose driven life" and as if by fate, i found "the purpose driven life journal" at national bookstore as i was "resting" from all the crappy reading i've been doing. what's even better was that it wasn't as expensive as i thought it would be so i snapped it up immediately. less that forty days before the first examination. hopefully, by the time the first sunday rolls around, i won't only be prepared mentally but also spiritually.

true to form, i also got myself more post-its that i can actually use. the last time i was at national, i was surprised when the girl told me my bill had totalled more than 400 bucks... a surprise since all i got were post-its and pretty paper and random stuff that aren't really that important. it's crazy how 3M came up with this thing that for some reason or another, i can't live without. btw - while i buy non-3M post-its, i think it's a major rip-off when (1) they don't actually stick to what they're supposed to stick to or (2) the "stick" is so much that it almost tears the paper when you peel it from the pad but barely sticks when you actually stick it to what you want to stick it to.

anyway, this weekend i'll be off to spend the weekend with my family in cabanatuan. the people who came home for ian and anna's/christie's wedding are about to head back to canada so this might be the last time we'd all get to hang out. i'm looking forward to home cooking, chismis, and hopefully, some spa and parlor time with my two aunts.

and oh, how advisable would it be to buy those gym balls? they have a promo at sm (mothership!) for sm advantage card holders where you can get a gym ball for a hundred points plus a hundred bucks and i'm tempted to buy one (in purple!) and hopefully use it with my jumping rope in my bid to lose weight. i saw a feature of it in "kay susan tayo" (for the record i don't watch the show as i hate susan enriquez with a passion for some reason but i was channel surfing and i saw her doing the ball thing and she was sweating bullets!) and it looked like it was fun, interesting, and effective. either that or they just did a really good segment. anyway, tell me if it works... and if it does, i'll be keeping my fingers crossed that they don't run out of stocks before i can make it over there.

happy weekend people!

shoes, without a doubt, would be my biggest weakness.

it goes without saying then that shoes on sale are impossible to resist, at least until today when i realized that i can walk away from gorgeous suede boots that cost P599 (and 50% off on your second pair!).

and, oh, i didn't walk away from the once, but twice.

of course i'd be lying if i didn't say that the first time i was able to walk away only cause my EPS account barely has enough money to cover that purchase without going below balance and the second time i was able to walk away cause i had two friends actually physically restraining me from entering the shop, and from using my savings account that i had sworn not to touch.

i know in my head that i'm not even the boot-wearing kind and that if i did buy them, there's only one work outfit that the boots would be perfect with. i don't even know what i'll do with them if i did buy them (i mean, yes, i could wear them, but with what?). and while they're quite pretty and that they'll look perfect with skinny jeans folded up until the top of the boot (see the korea-novela "my girl" for reference!), i know in my mind that with my rubenesque figure, i'd look foolish in them. still, why is it that the boots are still on my mind and why is it that memory of how they hugged my feet and ankles (they felt like they were made especially for me) still persists up till now?

i'm convinced that there's something wrong with me. i am addicted to shoes. it's come to the point that i am convinced it's quite sick how i'm almost unable to stop myself from buying more shoes. thank god that none of the tests they made me take while i was applying to the court covered the area of shoe-obsession. otherwise, i'd never have made it in.

but then again, who are they to judge? i've got a boss who's even more of a shoe addict than i am.

it was a bad combination. the august 2006 edition of lucky + the arrival of an unexpected bonus + stress of everything that was going around me = an unplanned shopping spree.

it began innocently enough. celine has had this sale for almost a month and there was a gorgeous top that was selling at 70% off the original tag price. and so i bought it.

and then there was this pretty, pretty girly skirt at sari-sari. and again, it was on sale. P299. and it went perfectly with the top from celine. and so i bought it.

since i had to get started on studying, i left the mall, drove to my favorite starbucks (which just happens to be at mothership sm sucat), and parked my ass at my "reserved" seat. well, almost parked my ass. basically, i dumped my 10 pound book at the table, told them i was just going to check some stuff at the mall, and ended up coming back more than an hour later with two pairs of shoes, a top, and a bag.

nasty.

today, i attempted to curb the shopping monster in me by depositing what was left of my bonus. every single centavo. except, we got our salary today and an officemate asked me to go to the mall with her to buy this pair of sandals which she couldn't get out of her head. and before i knew it i came home with pretty, pretty ref magnets (starting my christmas shopping early!) and a pair of huge sunglasses that makes me look like a retired movie star on rehab.

tomorrow, i plan to lock myself in my room and avoid the mall at all costs. hopefully it will work until my shopping fever dies down.

what will happen on monday, i don't really know. i work a hundred meters away from the mall. and, from what i hear, we've got another unexpected bonus coming up. gaaaah. with the ongoing mango sale and with every little shop on the mall with at least one item on sale, it's going to be tough.

very tough.

my overloaded tuesday almost meant me not blogging before going to sleep. after all, i told myself, blogging at 1:30 a.m. and when i wake up at, say 7:30 a.m. shouldn't make much of a difference, right?

but then again i had just attended our first huge family wedding in ten years. and my aunt from canada surprised me with a very, very pretty skirt from zara (something a government employee like me can't afford on a regular day), not to mention another pretty skirt that'll go well with the kenneth cole slip-ons christie bought me a year ago that i have yet to wear. to top it all off, keith sent me yet another care package that's more or less the reason why i'm awake now instead of dead to the world.

the most fun i've had in months + pretty things + being pretty the entire day = me staying awake long enough to write a post, albeit a bit incoherent, before crashing for the day. so here goes...

chrisite/anna and ian finally had their church wedding today. while our side of the family was about a tenth of the guest list, we were the noisiest group - starting from when we all met up in the church to the time we finally said our goodbyes. for one, we finally had the first "cousins" picture we had in years. while there's only seven of us - three in canada, two in manila, and two in laguna - we haven't hung out together for more than a decade. so, the first thing we did was call a photographer and have him snap shot after shot of us while we were waiting for the ceremony to start. after that was done, our aunts and uncles joined us and we posed like there was no tomorrow. as if all the pictures in the chapel weren't enough, we snapped picture after picture in the reception, and created enough of a ruckus dancing and cheering our side of the family on that the photographer and videographers had a field day shooting us.

i guess it will take more than a typhoon to dampen our spirits.

it's such a shame that i won't be able to join them when they go to bangkok this coming thursday (damn flunking the bar and being unable to go on leave since my boss is giving me almost two months off to study). i bet they're not only going to have lots of fun shopping but they're also going to have a whole lot of fun just being with each other. hanging out with my cousins, rocky, gino and justin, ninang nilda, tita jake, and tito mao made me rethink my plan of postponing a trip to canada anytime soon. all of a sudden, i'd want nothing more than to spend a month or so basking in family fun. (okay, i'll admit that keith having sent the newest copy of lucky magazine more than convinced me to look for my now expired passport and make actual plans of renewing it so that i can buy every single lovely thing in the magazine.)

okay. now i'm really tired.

and i don't think i'm coherent anymore.

hopefully, pictures from brian and anna to follow. trust me NOT to bring my camera.

p.s.
christie and ian - i had so MUCH fun in your wedding, i felt SO pretty in the gown, and, i think kit will agree with this, i felt pretty good seeing more than a couple of our pictures together in your video presentation. to wish you guys a good marriage would be redundant as you have somehow managed to stick it through since you guys first tied the knot four years ago. i guess the better wish would be that the US immigration finally fix ian's papers so that you guys can finally sleep - and wake up - next to each other every single day of your lives.

that and babies, babies, babies.

mwah. love you both. my favorite cousin has tied the knot to one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. for now, i can't think of anything that would make me happier than that.

lifestyles of the bored and lazy

forget the fact that save for a brief shining moment of studying glory yesterday afternoon, i had basically spent the entire weekend in bed. in spite of all the sleep that i had gotten over the weekend, i had the most difficult time getting out of bed this morning.

that is until i found out that there wasn't going to be any work today.

faced with the possibility of another free day, and probably regretful of the "lost time" over the weekend, i popped out of bed and my inner type "a" began planning out my day. probably finishing the tax book rache lent me, actually getting to the parlor this time instead of taking a detour at starbucks and never leaving, and planning what i'd buy this weekend at the sm sale. i can also make a detour (a pretty far detour) to makati and visit my family who'll be staying there to prepare for the wedding tomorrow.

suddenly, rain notwithstanding, there's so much to be done, so much to accomplish. thank god for a car that defies flood and a personality that thrives in bad weather. i'm so looking forward to the possibility of having a full day today.

but before i do any of those, lemme get a little more sleep. because more than anything else, probably more than i love shoes and bags, i love curling up beneath the blankets and getting some shut eye.

the week has kept me from posting anything online ... it's not cause i've been crazy busy though. my brain has been pretty much like mush since last week, first cause of a fever tha won't quit and after that went away, the medicine i took made me more sick than ever.

now i feel a bit better, thank you very much for asking.

anyway, this was also the week that i actually gave up a free trip to bangkok. almost my entire family will be going to bangkok after anna/christie's wedding and my grandmother backed out for some reason. since i'd like to think i'm my aunt's favorite travelling slave companion, they were pressuring me to renew my passport ASAP and get permission from my boss to skip a couple of days of work. i would've more than loved to go but since my boss didn't only give me the entire bar month but also august off, it would've been bordering on ingratitude if i actually asked for the end of july off. AAAARGGGGHHHHHH. goodbye cheap shopping, goodbye amazing shows, goodbye bonding time with family. hello, slavery.

work's pretty difficult for me. for the first time in my career, my boss is making me draft a decision in a criminal case. i tried to pick what i thought was an easy one but i've spent almost a week trying to make sense of it to no avail. what a time to switch to something difficult. i've got zillions more to finish before i start doing nothing except study ... at the rate i'm going, i'm never going to be able to go to the studying part.

anyway, i've planned on spending the entire day getting all the beautifying stuff done for anna/christie's wedding on tuesday. my roots are showing so i need to get that fixed and i've promised myself that i'll get a body scrub and massage as a treat for having finished my first reading (way overdue!). i also have to get my nails fixed so that they're pretty and not their usual raggedy selves. however, i'm halfway through saturday already and i haven't even gotten out of bed yet. maybe tomorrow???

a blow by blow account about how my night was would simply be too much considering, as a friend pointed out, i might be reading too much in something too little. but then again, when the guy you've been crushing on for the longest time finally asks your number and seems to have made the first move towards establishing a deeper friendship with you, it should be something to blog about right?

i'm broke, sick, and totally behind on my reading.

can it get any worse?

well, yes. the rain poured as i was about to leave the office, the traffic along roxas was horrible, and it took forever to get a ride. the trike i rode home must've have had a pledge to pollute the environment single handedly. i burned the bacon and there's something wrong with our microwave.

maybe the only thing to look forward to is the fact that hopefully, my recent bout with insomnia isn't something that's permanent. i mean, come on, me? unable to sleep?

i'm going to hide under the blankets in a while. hopefully, they'd give us the jdf tomorrow, my cold will go away, and that somehow, i'll find the necessary energy and motivation to attack mercantile law with a passion. but until that happens, i guess i'll just have to keep reminding myself that there'll always be a rainbow after the rain stops.

dear two random people at concha cruz,

i hope you believe me when i say that i didn't mean to splash you with all that water. i just really needed to go home real fast (cause i had to pee real bad) and i had to overtake that tricycle and before i knew it, i had caused this huge tsunami of a wave. i was too scared to stop lest you two attack me in anger. plus, as i said earlier, stopping would've meant me not being able to pee. and i had to pee real bad.

i hope you'll also believe me that i spent the entire ride home saying sorry to you guys. i saw from the rearview mirror that one of you was jumping up and down. i don't know if that was your way of drying or that was your way of expressing your anger but i'm really sorry. really, really sorry. heartfully apologetic.

although, if there's one fervent prayer going through my head right now, it's that i never, ever, ever meet you guys face to face.

apologetically yours,

rosa

been really, really tired lately for some reason. it may be due to a cold i couldn't shake. either that or my fat old body isn't used to the same stress i subjected to while i was going to law school: work in the morning and studying in the evening. it may be due to all the excess weight i've been carrying around, or just this thing that i've only decided to let go this morning. i don't know. most mornings i wake up more exhausted than when i went to sleep.

anyway, with my bid for a lovelife not going anywhere (i'm still praying and praying and keeping my fingers crossed and smiling till my cheeks hurt whenever he's around but that might take a while), i've decided to turn my attention to a fictional character. that guy on the left is probably not only the cutest korean telenovela star in my opinion but happens to be the coolest, smartest, sweetest, and most lovable character churned out in a korean telenovela show. and while he may not know me from eve, as far as i'm concerned, between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m., while i'm off in dreamland, he's mine.

even at my most broke, a saleslady telling another customer that the shoes i've been thinking of buying costs 200 bucks less than the sticker price is enough to make me buy the shoes.

wait, let me correct that. it makes me not buy one pair, but both pairs.

that and a pair of pants that costs only 399.

as if the spending spree wasn't enough, my weekend started with a trip to the parlor and ended with a trip to the grocery to buy half a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

funny, being broke seems to make me spend more.

probably hesitant over my purchases and knowing fully well that my cousin brian is as much of a shoe whore as i am (example: he bought a pair of shoes when we went out once and while he hasn't worn them yet, it didn't stop him from acquiring more shoes in the interim. his shoe cabinet is probably bigger than mine), i sent him an SMS telling him that i bought not just the pair we looked at but the same pair in another color. his reply: as long as it makes you happy.

apparently, imelda's blood runs in my family.

anyway, it's been a horrible week for me, punctuated with this major issue i've been trying to ignore but must deal with soon. i try not to worry about it if only because worrying will just make me look older and uglier. and considering my civil status, i should do everything to prevent THAT from happening.

and, oh, my bar grades arrived. while i had promised myself that i wouldn't open the envelope, the fact that it got soaked in the rain and that i might probably not be able to open it prompted me to tear the envelope open and face the truth about my dismal bar grades.

surprise, surprise. it wasn't as dismal as i thought.

i got grades ranging from the 60s to a high of 95. yes, one of my exams bore a grade of 95. who knew?

well, i'm done with my first reading as of this weekend. i've revised my second reading schedule based on my first reading and the bar grades. my boss offered to give me not just one month but two months off which was really generous of her.

so there.

whew.

right now every single joint in my body is painful. it's so awful that not even that lovely grande cup of mocha valencia helped me finish that chapter on appeals. i took a tablet of biogesic with the hope that i could at least finish a couple more chapters before heading home but when the words stopped making sense and began swimming in front of my eyes, i knew that it would take every ounce of my strength to make it home.

somehow i made it home and while i feel good enough to go online and blog, i'm at the point that not even the thought of watching the last couple of episodes of my girl at work tomorrow can probably make me get out of bed at 630 am.

but then again, who knows. knowing me, by 8 am tomorrow, i'd probably be ready to go to work all over again, slight fever notwithstanding.

fueled by my desire to lose weight and grossed out by my massive image in my pretty pink gown, armed with the knowledge that skipping rope for ten minutes will burn as much as the calories burned running for half an hour, and challenged by my own goal of losing 30 pounds before the day i turn 30, i bought myself a jumping rope.

at first i wanted to get the one made by nike but considering that it costs almost a thousand pesos, i rationalized that so long as it, well, turns and forces me to jump up and down, it'll make me lose as much weight as, say, the 65-peso rope they were selling at sportshouse.

it's going to take a week or two before i can make a report about any progress i've made. but right now, all i can say is that after five minutes of skipping in my living room, i'm just about ready to die.

the perfect weekend means finding the perfect pair of shoes to match a lovely gown

for more than half a year, I've been searching for the perfect pair of shoes to go with my pomelo pink gown for anna's wedding.

one pair that would've been perfect was too expensive. another one looked too much like "palara". there was this one pair that was my "default pair" - meaning in the event i can't find anything else i'd buy it to end the search - but every time i felt like giving up already, i couldn't bring myself to do it.

somehow, at the back of my mind, i was probably envisioning my prince charming slipping that garter up my leg and seeing my feet clad in less than perfect shoes. for a shoe-obsessed girl, that would be a definite no-no.

and so everytime there was a sale, i'd go around the mall looking for the perfect pair. and everytime there wasn't, i'd go around the mall looking for one still. it came to the point that i was ready to buy this cheap pair of silver shoes as my "emergency pair" - just in case i never get to buy one and it's her wedding before i know it.

but, patience is a virtue and for the first time, i tried to be patient (7 months, baby!) and prudent (don't buy something i actually won't wear) and smart (try on every single pair even if you don't really like it) and i was rewarded.

i got the perfect pair. it matched my gown, it fit me perfectly, and it cost around four grande glasses of chocolate cream frappuccino only.

why does it take you forever to find the perfect pair of shoes when you're rushing?

why is it that there's always a perfect pair of shoes for something else?

why is it that the less you eat the more weight you gain sometimes?

why is it that you find out your major crush will attend the event five minutes after you've decided not to attend?

why is it easy to speak english in a room full of tagalog speaking people but virtually impossible to string words together in front of one person who can't understand a word of tagalog?

why is it that after you've gotten every last bit of emotion towards your ex he makes an appearance and because of it, you are reminded of every little thing that made you fall in love with him in the first place?

why is it that money never seems to last until the next pay day?

why is it that after you've gotten your study groove you realize it's either too late or its time to leave already?

i'm convinced that there's a conspiracy.

09226332287

it began with a text message. since i lost a whole lot of numbers when i switched phones, i thought it was someone whose number i didn't have. and so i asked, "sorry i don't have your number, who's this please?"

the person replied something like, "but i love you judith" so being the romantic i was, i spent another peso to inform the person that no, this isn't judith.

i thought that was the end of it.

but no.

every single day for the last week i've been receiving at least five phone calls from this number. sometimes the person would just laught incessantly, sometimes the person would drawl something unintelligible, sometimes, well, let's not discuss what the other person does sometimes. let's just say lewd is an understatement.

being the naive person i was - and a firm believer in customer service - i called sun cellular to inform them that one of their subscribers was harassing me on a daily basis. the operator informed me that they couldn't do anything about it but i can call NTC to complain.

and so i did.

and you know what they said? that unless the person was sending me lewd text messages, they couldn't do anything about it.

wtf? does this mean a person can send a text message with something like "malaki ang titi ko" and that person would get a reprimand from the NTC but a person can breathe heavily on the phone and imply how much he's imagining sex with me and they WON'T do anything about it?

no, ma'am, the guy on the phone said, just text messages.

so what am i supposed to do, i asked the person, what's my remedy?

"palitan niyo na lang po number niyo ma'am."

so if you receive a text message from me sometime soon telling you i've changed my number, it means i've gotten tired of hearing heavy breathing. and if i don't, well, just don't take it to mean that i've begun enjoying it. maybe it just means that i've found some way to harass him back.

inspired by the list from the september 2005 issue of glamour, i wanted to come up with a list of thirty things i wish to achieve/have/accomplish by the age of thirty. but then again, coming up with something as substantial as that might be difficult, considering that every little space in my brain right now should be occupied by ideas such as the difference between lack of cause of action and failure to state a cause of action.

so i just came up with a biggie.

i will lose thirty pounds before i reach thirty. (actually i got this from this guest at the tyra banks show. good idea, isn't it?)

i have eight and a half months to do that. that's just a little more than three pounds a month.

and who knows? if i lost the thirty pounds, everything else i was hoping to put in my list would falls into place.

my week, the short cut version

after i posted last week, i drove to ortigas cause i was going to spend the next two nights with my aunt at crowne plaza. i totally love the "hotel" life, especially if it means enjoying the bathtub, shower until i wrinkle up, and having all the bacon i want at the breakfast buffet. it was also wonderful cause on thursday, we all had dinner our to celebrate tita celia's birthday and surprise, surprise: kit attended without flourshit.

i spent saturday with the people from lingkod working with kids from sigla. it was hot and humid but it was fun, especially when kids would hug you and ask you your name and all that. even if most of us were pretty much tired and dirty after everything, some of us went to festival to watch "failure to launch." note to self: men hate these types of movies. apparently, only boyfriends are equipped to watch chick flicks.

anyway, i've been pretty TIRED with everything that's been happening at work. i wish i could say that i'm way ahead with my review. unfortunately, my dreams of topping the bar may just end up that, a dream.

whatever.

as long as i pass, it wouldn't really matter, right?

btw. pat called to tell me it's his birthday tomorrow. *cough*loser*cough*

there are a lot of things i can give up to lose weight.

and, in the interest of catching the eye of my new crush, i'm basically willing to give up a lot of things food-wise.

i thought it was going to be easy. after all, what's a cup of rice compared to the possibility of life-long happiness?

however after i discovered big scoop mint chocolate chip ice cream, i realized it wasn't going to be that easy.

and, after i consumed the entire half gallon in five days, i had to tell myself - and telepathically, my crush - that if he can't love like me extra poundage and all, then maybe, it's just not meant to be.

how low can i go?

quite low.

this afternoon, as i was waiting for the traffic light to turn green at the corner of adriatico and quirino, a street kid stuck her tongue out at me after i refused to give her anything. my reaction? i stuck my tongue out too.

wacky told me that there's a little bit of good in every one of us. with almost no sleep, a major need to go to the bathroom, and an exhaustion i can't shake off, what little good there is in me has virtually disappeared.

must. not. shop.

as if.

barely a week after i wrote in ink my resolutions for the rest of the year - topbilled by the proclamation that i will not shop anymore - i found myself trying on shoes at sari-sari and left the mall with two pairs of round-toe flats. i told myself that at P150/pair, it would be a sin not to buy.

but then with five days to go before salary day and with so little money in my wallet, i feel a twinge of regret having parted with my precious three hundred bucks. but then again, one look at the pretty pairs of shoes coupled with the knowledge that i paid a little more than what i would have paid for a meal at mcdonald's makes me feel all good and fuzzy inside.

and at the end of the day, i say, it's just money. money can be earned, money can't be brought to heaven, and money can be taken away. but that warm and fuzzy feeling one gets with a new pair of shoes, well, that's forever.

at least for me.

i hate veevee with a passion.

because who else would be lucky enough to go through 27 (28? gaaah. i can't remember anymore!) years of her life without anyone flirting with her and then wake up one day, go to work, and then have my favorite pop/matinee idol flirt with her?

only veevee.

but then how can i hate veevee if veevee was nice enough to go with me to the ultimate mothership: SM MALL OF ASIA.

it was huge, so huge that even my internal mall radar was most of the time "lost" inside the mall. the maps inside the mall didn't help one bit either. you just walk and walk and walk and pray you don't get lost.

i loved it and notwithstanding all the "it's all gonna fall down" rumors, veevee and i watched x-men iii there (the movie was amazing!) and hopefully, one day, we'll find ourselves there and have the stamina (and the patience) to go through each and every store, try out each and every food stall, and finally, map out the place in our heads so we don't get lost anymore.

my boss has done more than enough to inspire my utmost respect, loyalty, and admiration.

but today, she did something that will make me willingly take on all the resolutions she'd throw my way for the next ten thousand years: she gave me a lovely pair of once-used two-toned via spiga pumps.

growing up, it's always just been my mom, my brother and me (my dad worked abroad for the longest time before he and my mom migrated to the US) and after my brother left home last december, i've had the entire house to myself. after a couple of days being scared of my own shadow, and another couple of days envisioning myself waking up drenched in blood like those victims in forensics shows on crime suspense (i have a flair for the melodramatic), i got used to the idea and realized that hey, it isn't so bad at all.

wait. i didn't just get used to the idea, i loved the idea of living alone so much that i'm planning a move to sta. rosa - a place where there aren't two SM malls within a five kilometer radius - come october.

anyway, i've spent the entire weekend in my aunt's house in quezon city and it's pretty cool waking up to a room with two other people in it, to come down and greet people good morning, and to hang out with kids (2nd year high school, incoming sophomore in college, and an incoming freshman who keeps reminding me that he's entering the best private university - the Ateneo) who think i rock in spite of the fact that i don't know the difference between house and lounge music. i just love it here and to use my dad's words, "parang ayaw mo nang umuwi."

i guess the forced isolation - partly resulting from the need to buckle down and study and partly resulting from the fact that i don't really like going out - has taken its toll on me. i may not have gone through as much of commercial law as i would like to (nego, after all these years is still a fucker imho) but just being around people you not only love but genuinely like as well has this way of rejuvenating you like no shopping trip can.

speaking of shopping trips (what a messy post, i know), i have pledged to cut off all shopping trips in the immediate future. 29, i realized, is too old not to have a huge stockpile of money in the bank. funny how i used to be more financially stable when i had just started working, and how, after i got spike almost three years ago, i'm just using it as an excuse why i am perennially broke. i'm making way more money than i used to (contrary to popular opinion, the salary of a teacher in that little school in the middle of ortigas is not directly proportional to the tuition fee they charge the students) but i don't seem to be getting any richer. in fact, "broke" seems to be the more appropriate term.

gaaah. i'm just channeling my aunt's mantra. she tells me, don't say you're broke, say you 'don't have the budget for it'. so okay, i haven't had the budget for anything recently. thank god i don't have a credit card. otherwise, i'd be one of those who'd be receiving regular calls from citibank asking me to pay my credit card bill.

another digression - what is it with those people who call for citibank? they're as bad as those people in white shirts and green pants in malls who stalk you and ask you if you have a credit card so they can sell you something. family first i think. gaaaaah. there's this guy who used to work for the court whose number just happened to be the number we're using right now. every single day, a telebanker would call asking for him. that's been going on for a year now, notwithstanding the fact that we've been telling them every single day for a year now too that he doesn't work there anymore. we've resorted to explaining it to them nicely, explaining it to them rudely, and recently, to threatening them, all to no avail. crazy really. next time i get to be the one to pick up the phone, i'm going to either (1) give them my ex's house number (hit two birds with one stone, he he) or (2) follow gay's advice and ask the name of their legal counsel and tell them we'll be filing an injunction to make them stop calling (not that THAT would be possible but it just sounds really impressive and lawyerly, neither of which come naturally to me).

oh well.

too long a post, with no real point. have a great monday everyone.