the look of things to come

You know what all the fashion books say – a person shouldn’t necessarily follow trends; rather, a person should find her personal style and go with it. So, for the most part, I’ve tried. Even if that means a lot of hot pinks, blacks, and white tops in my closet.

But notwithstanding my own attempts to stick to a look that I admittedly love, at the end of the day, I can’t help but pick on the vibe that comes from my bosses. So, there was the preppy look when I was at the Court of Appeals, the laid-back lawyer look when I worked for a firm (seriously – one time I came to work in a dress – admittedly to go to an interview with another job – one of the partners had to ask if I had a hearing that morning. Clearly, dressing up wasn’t the norm), and the serious love for bling, shoes, and bags at my last job. You know what this chameleon-like tendency amounts to? An inordinate amount of shopping on the first few weeks on the job.

Or months … I’m a girl. You know how it’s like.

In any case, the utter lack of suits and formal shoes that should have dominate my work wardrobe from the get go has finally caught up with me. Where I work now, it seems that all the male lawyers are in a barong everyday and the female ones are in suits. Except for Fridays, I don’t think I’ve ever seen my immediate boss not wearing a suit. Come to think of it, even the intermediate boss wears either a suit or a barong on any given day. And let’s not even begin to discuss super big boss. I don’t even think she owns a pair of jeans.

So, in the spirit of blending in (okay, fine, also in the spirit of having an excuse to shop for pretty things), I got myself a few wardrobe essentials.

{from l to r: old navy, folded and hung, and an unbranded coat}

Yes, those are three black coats. Yes, I know that they’re redundant. No, I don’t think it’s dumb to get redundant things. They’re made from different fabrics, and they’re all different cuts, and they’re all pretty. So no, you don’t get to judge me spending money on three black coats.

{from l to r: charles and keith, dexter, janylin}

Yes, I already have shoes, maybe even more shoes that I can wear in a month. But when (1) shoes are on sale or (2) they have skid proof soles and are pillows on your feet or (3) sport a style that you absolutely cannot resist, I am absolutely helpless. To my defense, the rightmost pair cost me Php299 only. It would’ve been a crime not to have bought it.

Before I left my last job, my boss had specific instructions that in order to finally bait the man of my dreams, I should step up my game. And, if that means learning how to curl my lashes in the morning, teetering around in heels, and making sure that I more than just comb my hair in the morning, then bring it on. After all, to my spending-oriented mind, it only means that I am being given the perfect excuse to shop.

{beribboned green matthews flats and sparkly wool juan flats}

P.S. Before you think i've gone all black and boring on you (what can I say? Black goes well with my favorite hot pink color and makes me look thin), I've got me some sparkly shoes as well. Staid and formal as my new office may be, there's such a thing known as casual fridays where my motto is bring on the bling ... albeit in the form of shoes which can be hidden beneath the desk and will allow me to appear all business-like notwithstanding the party on my feet.

here's to the new me

i don't exactly remember when this annual report arrived at my doorstep, but being the irresponsible homeowner i am, it basically stayed inside its envelope, right beside my front door (it got wet in the rain when it first arrived so i didn't want to bring it inside the house - excuses, excuses!) up until last sunday. so friends would come and they'd ask, "don't you want to bring that in?" and i'd say, "oh it's perfectly fine there." story of my life.

well, it stayed there, until last sunday. cause that's when i realized that inside that envelope contained information that -- given the career change -- is now important to me. so, as i sat on my doorstep waiting for a friend to pick me up, i started going each and every line of that annual report. but, while the figures and the information i picked up were interesting, i was taken aback by the words on the cover of the annual report:

it's not just about moving forward.

it's about changing the game.

and that, my dear friends, was how the past week was like.

i arrived a little before 8 am - the commute from home to work is now DIVINE i tell you - and the staff (who i met the afternoon of my orientation) welcomed me warmly and ushered me into my "room". now, it technically isn't a room - it's made of cubicle walls, but it has a free standing desk and visitors' chairs, and cabinets and what-nots - but 11 out of the 13 years i've worked, i've been ushered to either a desk or a cubicle on my first day of work. so imagine how it felt like to finally have a room where i can bring a lamp, a couple of personal items, and a hidden stack of shoes and not feel the least bit cramped!

but if having a room was the moving forward part, here's the game changer: i have a window. a giant kick-ass window, where, if i tilt my head properly, i'd see louis vuitton and if i close my eyes a bit, i'd imagine hermes calling out "rosa! rosa!". i have NEVER had a window, not unless you count the window near my desk at the CA which had a view of the green roof of the building beside mine. so no, we're not counting that. we're counting this giant kick-ass window with a view of louis vuitton as MY FIRST WINDOW

all shallowness aside - which is truly what the last two paragraphs are all about - indeed, this leap is life-changing (which, ironically is one of the company's taglines: "we're changing lives"). i get up every morning with a better sense of who i am, with a stronger belief in my own self-worth. i enter my room, and as i open the blinds to breathe in the view, i utter a short prayer thanking god for giving me this job. and all throughout the day, little things like budding friendships with new co-workers, a very pleasant boss, the male secretary strutting around in wedges (yes, and that's the subject of another post), and learning all about the business slowly but surely, i still can't believe that i have been blessed way beyond than what i deserve.

there was this minor hiccup in my week and i exchanged several SMS with friends over that. then came saturday morning and i saw something that felt like god's way of telling me that no, i'm absolutely forbidden to complain.

and you know what, god is right. i've moved forward. the game has changed. october 1 marked the switch to the new me. why should i even bother thinking about the hiccups?

to the best boss i've ever had

{i hope you'll forgive me for shoes that don't go with the outfit ...
i didn't have the energy to pack another pair of shoes!}

dear jewel,


if i have any complaint at all about working with you is the fact that notwithstanding the copious amounts of food you take in and two children (both of whom are amazing specimens of healthy, smart, and fun boys), you have all these wonderful curves and i look like spongbob next to you. that said, the only thing that isn't so happy with the impending move is i'd surely be working with a less fabulous, less amazing, and less kind boss. i guess you can't have everything.


i can still remember how our first interview was like. while the entire world philippines was listening to the manila hostage crisis, i was in your office and i couldn't believe that it seemed like you actually wanted me to work for you. funny how gay didn't give me a background (nor did i ask for one) before i actually went to the office to interview with you in person, so i was expecting the jfaustria i emailed to be this old heavyweight who wasn't cool or anything like that (uhm, now that i think about it, i had an image of your predecessor in mind! haha!) if only cause the title "general counsel" demanded someone squat and of a certain age. needless to say, "surprised" doesn't even begin to capture how i felt then.


i don't know if i told you how many prayers i offered then -- prayers you wouldn't find someone else cause i needed to tender in my 30-day notice first, prayers that you'd like me, prayers that you'd get the HR to increase the compensation a bit. and when all my prayers were answered, october 1 seemed so far away (especially with all the stuff i had to finish for the law firm) and then all of a sudden it was there and you were my boss and because you complimented my shoes (one of my favorites), i knew i would be in for one of the greatest experiences of my life.

thank you for taking a risk with me, the girl who loved labor law but was horrible at anything corp related. thank you for taking me under your wing and for making sure i shined. thank you for editing my output (which usually has a myriad of typographical errors and a spattering of grammatical errors) and for allowing me to send these out myself, even if there were times that your corrections far outweigh my own inputs. thank you for making sure that the BOD got to know me and for singing me praises and for being my number one supporter at work.

but more than the work-related stuff, thank you for being my friend. thank you for telling me that i can treat you like an ate since i don't have one and for living up to that promise, which includes being the recipient of sooooo many presents from you. thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, the good and the bad, and for not freaking out when i go through my emo moments and i text you long-winded stuff on a friday night. thank you for introducing me to designer's boulevard, that wonderful caterer where we order paella from, dr. jennifer, and to bootsie and yoshi. and thank you for being an example to me, both in your professional and personal capacities, that one can indeed have it all.

and as for that december 2010 agreement to raid your closet, well, i still have 3 months to go. who knows, a miracle may happen yet. ☺

in a couple of days, i won't be within hollering distance from you anymore, and i won't be able to sneak out to jollibee with you when there's nothing good in the canteen. i won't be part of the happy group that makes a lunch break trek to trinoma to buy shoes and clothes anymore. after a while, i won't be able to relate to c1, c3, bacood, bff, and orange eyes hirits anymore and we can't be indignant over some things together any longer. but, i do know that you and i will still be fabulous friends and you'll still text and email me stuff, and i'll text and email you stuff (there's a girl named mocha - mocha! - in my new office) and we can laugh and cry and be mean still. i know that because that's just who you are - an ate, a loyal friend, and the best boss i've ever had.

love,

rosa

♪♫♪ you get what you need ♪♫♪

i can't even remember now how it all started. maybe it was a bad day, or maybe it was when we were at the thick of a variety of things that weren't particularly happy. it could've been after my brother treated me after he got yet another promotion or it could've been after i found out that my friend who gets paid insanely well already was getting overtime and holiday pay on top of the pay she was already receiving. all i know is that i was feeling tired, frustrated, and poor.

always a bad combination.

so when a text message arrives from an old officemate telling me of an opening for a lawyer at this real estate firm which will pay me enough to get my roof of my house fixed, well, i felt it would've been downright dumb not to even try sending my resume. so i did.

for the record, i wasn't feeling very confident about it. after all, when i first started trying to get a corporate job after my work with the law firm, i almost always never made it past the HR interview. yep, it was horrible. so imagine my surprise when i got there and the HR manager took me straight to the SVP for my interview and how, at the end of our conversation, the SVP told me, "you know what, i like you."

and she was a girl. and i'm not always a hit with girls.

i had to send samples of my work (i have this bunch of work samples that i always send out cause i love them - a decision in a case, the gifts policy i drafted for a client, and a pleading in a labor case which i won) and it was a tense week before the HR manager finally called me and said that yes, they want me. i wanted to jump and scream and shout but something in that conversation stopped me short -- i was asking for her to send me a formal offer and she asked me what else would i like to see considering that the take-home pay they were offering me was a 65% increase over what i was presently receiving.

i was dumbfounded. so when i told my friends about the situation, all but one were unanimous in telling me that if the HR manager had acted that way, then there's a huge possibility that things would get even more complicated when i get in. oh, i insisted and insisted this was the right thing (yes, the 65% increase blinded me with greed!) and cited what would be the argument i'd use to shut people up whenever they'd ask why: tumutulo ang bubong ko.

incidentally, at the time i was waiting for the real estate company's decision, i had mentioned about the application to a friend and he told me -- as he always does -- to forward to him a copy of my resume since they had an opening in their legal department. since my resume had been recently updated, i forwarded it to him and thought nothing about it until i got offered the job by the real estate company and was given a july 31 deadline. i then followed up with him and he told me that he forwarded it to their hr and their hr forwarded it to the legal department so it would be up to the legal department if they'd call me or not. my initial thoughts: maybe it's a no-go.

apparently, i don't have the ability to predict the future: three days after real estate company offered me the job, they asked if i could come in for an interview. so i did and let's just say that while the salary wasn't 65% more than what i was currently receiving, it would still be higher than my current pay. and the non-cash benefits, well, the non-cash benefits were things that powerpuff girls were made of: sugar, spice, and everything nice, and a good dose of chemical x.

i spent an entire flight to cebu thinking about both jobs and while the second job trumped the real estate job on all fronts except the take-home salary, the real estate job was a sure thing.

those two weeks (i got an extension on the deadline since i was negotiating for some other benefits with the real estate company) were nothing short of hellish. all of a sudden, the things my friends were saying about the real estate company (i shouldn't go for it, the HR manager is a premonition of things to come, something good is bound to come sooner) were all fighting for attention inside my tiny little brain. i'm sigurista so if it were just a matter of certainty, i would've so gone for the real estate job. after all, the second company was this giant corporation with a giant parent company and giant sister companies and giant subsidiaries so i wasn't so sure that they'd accept someone (1) who didn't pass the bar on her first take (2) had barely a year of corporate work experience and (3) like me.

the notebook i carried around? oh, it was full of prayers and questions and charts (yes, i do charts comparing pros and cons when i'm worried) and got even riddled with more stuff after i sent the email to the real estate job turning down the job offer even with zero certainty that i was going to get the second job.

it was a tension-filled waiting period: the interviews were fine except that they were considering a number of other candidates. the test was easily scheduled but it was this complicated online thing that kept restarting (which made me afraid i was so screwing it up). the pre-employment medical check-up discovered i had an enlarged heart (all the more to love my crush with). they couldn't contact any of my references. but on the ferry between caticlan and boracay i received the text that would change my life forever.

you're in.

okay, this has been a long-winded post and i've yet to explain the title or the song. so here goes:

had i been stubborn, i would've accepted the real estate job in a flash. but in the end (which required major prayers, major patience, and major trusting in God's perfect plan), i got what i needed. and it isn't just the money, or the perks,or the benefits. having been accepted by this job and all the wonderful words people have told me after they've found out i was leaving affirmed the fact that i am good at what i do and i deserve the things that come my way.

in between the real estate job offer and the second job offer, i received this email from my gwapo boss. my previous bosses had all asked me to stay, MPC telling me that i was crazy to leave government work and the partners telling me i had so much promise in litigation to give up so soon, but this one letter, sent even before i had made a decision to move forward, was the letter that told me that the day i tool the LAE was the day i said yes to not just work as a lawyer, but to a vocation of changing lives.

Hi Rosa,

Now that you have been with our company almost one year, I wanted to give you some observations of how you've done with the Company and your possible future.

First, you have been very valuable to the Legal Department and to the entire company. Specifically, the work you participated in ... November 2010 and more recently in June and the governance processes that resulted despite challenging circumstances demonstrates your willingness to do the tough jobs and produce material results. Additionally, your work on labor issues ... has been very helpful. In fact, as one of your interests, specifically, your enthusiasm with labor issues can contribute tremendously in building upon a culture that has made [the company] a leading local company but will need help and guidance in transforming it into a regional player. Also, your work on the ... project illustrates your initiative and management skills in coordinating the info gathering and communication internally and with our external partners. Moreover, the professional and personal way in which you comport yourself and perform your work is an excellent model for other women and men in our organization. We need more examples of young professional women.

Second, for your professional development, working under the guidance of Atty Jewel, you will have no better mentor in the legal field. She's one of the best I've encountered and you are extremely lucky to be able to work with and learn from her. Third, as I know you are also interested in CSR, you have a lot of opportunity to initiate some projects; you are only limited by your imagination. Please begin to design and implement any CSR projects you may be interested in leading. I will ensure you get the necessary support.

Finally, we are in the process of building a great company. It has not been easy nor will it get any easier changing the way people think or act; that's the challenge of building something great. At the heart of all this are the people - and Jewel and I see you as one of the key people who can help lead this company into the future.

I know that we still have a long way to go to pay compensation that is market rates. Hopefully, with the professional freedom, development, and significant responsibility to lead your own projects, we give you compensate for some of the financial sacrifices you make when working for us.

Atty Jewel told me that you are considering another offer. As you are an excellent worker, I am not surprised that you are receiving offers. While it is a very personal decision for you, I can say that working for our company you will be contributing in an important way to the community but also to our company culture especially as it goes through a transformation. Atty Jewel and I hope you can help us with this daunting challenge, something both visionary and frustrating. If you do decide to leave, I wish you much success. And if you ever need help or a recommendation, I would be privileged to write one. In such a short period, our company has been lucky to have you. I hope you will continue with us for a long time and have patience with us as we move toward a brighter future for the company. Please remember my door is always open to you.

Thank you,

L

t minus 35 days and counting

it's funny how fast news flies in this office. while the change has been pending for some time now (like a month and a half), only five people were in the know, my boss, my big boss, and three of my friends who were sworn to secrecy. monday, i told my boss, wednesday morning, i spoke with my big boss, and wednesday afternoon, i made the announcement to my department (that's the entire legal department of my company up there). by the time thina forwarded my resignation letter to the HR department yesterday afternoon, all the them knew already, not to mention the steady stream of people who've come up to me to basically say, "i've heard something about you."

while i will not pretend and claim that the change isn't keeping me awake at night from all of the excitement, i also cannot ignore the fact that from day one, this office felt like home. and from the corporate ignoramus that my boss hired last year, i'd like to think that i've gained skills that i would not have learned otherwise (skills which helped me get the new job, no doubt about it). this job also taught me how to deal with an entire office of people (my entire career has been spent in small tight-knit organizations. and while i did work in the government, working for a justice meant that you were basically a small office of ten or so people) especially with things like bullying, competitiveness, and cliques.

don't get me wrong - all the bad stuff above notwithstanding, the past 11 months (and i'm sure the next month as well) have been a blast. i'll always have fun memories of my boss ensuring that she gets me at least one red ribbon empanada during board meetings lest this one director (who happens to favor it as much, if not much more, as i do) leave me with zero empanada, memories of all the 50% off goodies at hi-top which is a trike (or a long walk) away from work, or the lunch break runs to trinoma to satisfy the shopping monsters that lurk deep within. this company. i hope they'll also remember fun times with me (although i hope they'll forget the time when i emceed the office christmas party and ended up being "best in smile" since i hardly said anything!) and that when they think of me in the future (like when it's deathly quiet cause my constant chatter isn't around to break the silence), they'll think of someone who was always ready with a smile, someone whom they could approach for help all the time, and someone who despite her short tenure, made a difference.

i've 35 days to go before i make the big jump. in between now and then, there's a couple of things i have to accomplish work-wise. but more importantly, between now and then, i hope to build great memories with everyone in this pic, just so that when they think of me in the future, they'd remember not the girl who left so soon, but the girl who made the most of her 365 days.

♪♫♫ Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? ♪♫♪

right now, it feels like things have turned into one big jumble of complications and i've run out of steam already. i've always been the type who'd go to a medical exam with zero fears - after all, while i'm crazy overweight, i've been weirdly healthy: i don't have high blood pressure, my cholesterol's normal. so, when i was asked to go get a physical, my only fear was that they'd take my excess poundage against me, or that my missing ovary might be a problem.

and then they saw an enlarged heart. now, i had an xray for my pre-employment exam in this company last september 2010 and another xray for the annual physical exam last february 2011 and both said that the size of my heart is normal. so, apparently, in six months, my heart grew. i'm thinking that since i'm not an athlete, it couldn't be the increased exercise. and since (1) i don't feel anything and (2) my heart was, and has always been, normal, this shouldn't be a problem. so, i wasn't scared when they told me to get an ecg.

according to the ecg, i have non-specific st-t wave changes. the nurse at the hospital told me that i might need to see a cardiologist and that this may translate to a 2D-echo or a stress test. so, i was scared. and then i texted my aunt, who said, "that's normal" and my doctor-friend who also said, "that's normal." my aunt even texted her cardio friend who confirmed that it's pretty "normal" so i was pretty confident when i dropped off my ecg results.

i guess the attending physician googles way less than i do because it took her a good 30 minutes of online searching (this was just a theory, mind you, but since (1) it took her 30 minutes to give instructions to the nurse and (2) she refused to actually talk to me) before the nurse -- who told me earlier to wait for the doctor so she could interpret my ecg results -- told me that my case would be forwarded to the medical director for "final clearance."

uhm, okay, i thought. i wasn't a happy camper, especially with pressure from all sides to figure this part of my life out. and now, this crazy doctor won't just tell me that i'm fine (or even that i'm not fine and ask for additional tests) and instead wants me to hold my breath for two days longer until the medical director decides my fate.

oooh, i've never been a patient person, so all this waiting is making me crazy. the last time i encountered anything of this sort resulted in one ovary being taken away from me, so i'm a bit nervous. then again, my entire family is a bit of a hypochondriac so my brain is telling me not to worry so much. at the end of the day, the chips will fall where they will, and for now, all i can do is wait.

even if the waiting is killing me more than my enlarged heart with non-specific st-t wave changes.

meredith grey and me

back when grey's anatomy was new, my officemates and i assigned characters to each of ourselves. i was meredith grey, gay was christina, rache was izzy, raul was george, and lala was alex. we laughed at how each character, to a certain extent, seemed so appropriate to each one of us - like how gay could sometimes be afraid of intimacy, and how rache and raul were close to one another, and how gay, rache, raul, and i got along swimmingly well.

at some point in time i think all of us watched grey's anatomy (on dvds, hehehe) religiously, but now, i think i'm the only one still addicted to it.

anyway, i was nursing a bum stomach friday night when i remembered i still hadn't finished season 6 so i turned on the tv and dvd and started watching. there was this episode, i can't remember now which, where it struck me how hardcore these people were about being doctors and i couldn't help but feel bad over the fact that i'm not as hardcore as being a lawyer. i sent a text message to my boss/friend and i'm willing to be she thought i was drunk cause i was texting stuff in a semi-wailing state but i couldn't really get over how being a lawyer isn't my life; rather, it's just a job.

sigh.

is it midlife crisis?

is it career crisis?

or worse, could it be that i wasn't really meant to be what i am now?

oh, i hope not.

i've a hearing (yay!) on wednesday. it's a labor case -- something i absolutely love with a passion -- and hopefully being in the stinky and hot corridor over at PPSTA building, appearing before a labor arbiter, and pretending i'm hot sh*t will remind me why i studied for five years (evening class kasi) and and reviewed for the bar twice only to have the honorific atty appended to my name.