Saturday, May 31, 2003

theme song

chalk it up to my over-active imagination but for some reason, i believe (or is it more of imagine?) that my crushes have theme songs for me. for example, the theme song of my crush way back freshman year in college's song was "it's sad to belong" ...

...yes it's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along ...

even my exes -- as least while i'm still pining for them -- have songs for me.

ha ha.

well, i found the song my most recent crush would be singing for me ...

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do
I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me
When you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest
I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
Hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

Friday, May 30, 2003

everyone, meet spike

well, this isn't really spike, not yet, but come on, you must admit he's a beauty.

1.3 engine, 16 valve. suspension is pretty much like that of the grand vitara. drove one yesterday and although the ride is definitely not as comfortable as that of a car's, it's nice being perched way up there. imagine being able to stare a jeepney driver in the eye while fighting for that tiny bit of space on the road -- that's how being in the jimny feels like. driving in tiny streets in mandaluyong, especially that road leading up to pvl restaurant, wasn't much of a hassle either cause the jimny, as the brochure proudly states, is a cute 4x4.

cute could mean a lot of things though. for one, it could be cute cause of all the nice thoughtful details it has: clarion am/fm radio with cd player, cup holders for both the front and rear seats, four three-point seatbelts, two glove compartments, and fully folding rear chairs. but then again, cute could mean small, and the jimny is that, really small. it has no trunk to speak of, save for the twelve inches between the backs of the rear chairs and the third "door" at the back. unless one folds the chairs, good luck on being able to lug home a week's worth of grocery for a family of four.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

the one

in spite of the polls i had here, plus the countless hours spent online checking out honda city vs. toyota vios specifications, i decided on something totally out of the ordinary.

if all goes well, i'm going to be driving home my baby by next week saturday!!!!!

i might be broke, but boy, do i look cool.

(i think!)

* * *

for some unknown reason, typing always brings me to the mega site of bible studies and information.

j, please explain.
it's raining outside and i can't go out and play

i've always rushed through school. when i was in grade school, i wanted to be in high school. when i was in high school, i wanted to be in college. ultimately, it ended up with me wanting to be working, free of all the trappings that formal education has.

boy was i wrong. apparently, when you're already working, things like floods, heavy rainfall, and storm signals don't matter. whereas you can glance outside, see heavy rains, and declare with glee "no classes" while you're still in school, it doesn't work that way when you're working anymore. you'd have to force yourself out of bed, brave a cold shower, try to look for an outfit that will show the least amount of mud spots, and venture out of your house tightly clutching your raincoat and umbrella.


* * *

there used to be a time though when BB would tell us to stay at home and just send our output via email when the weather gets to be this awful. when HRH took over, however, she made sure that everyone would be miserable by disallowing telecommuting. EVERYONE has to go to work -- forget that it's flooded outside your gate, that there is no way that you can safely travel to work in office clothes, and that half of metro manila have been sent home.

the funny thing though is that yesterday, after she went home for lunch, she never returned again. malakas daw kasi ang ulan.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

not a way to start the day

i thought an all black outfit punctuated by a bright orange sweater plus singing in the car on the top of your voice plus a healthy breakfast would equal a good day at work.

apparently not.

while an officemate and i were bumming downstairs, HRH arrived. she then greeted me with "have you talked to BB? she has something important to tell you."

oh no. there we go again. people at work apparently get a kick out of dangling my job security in front of me like a plate of mouth-watering baked tahong.

ooohh... i so so hate this.

Monday, May 26, 2003

been wanting to visit cafe lupe since they put it up and last thursday, after a particularly horrible day at the office, mars and i decided to drop by on a whim.

the place was beautiful! we sat on this small all-glass dining area. we didn't have a view but the place was very cozy, it was free of squealing teenagers, and there were no kids rolling about in those awful wheeled rubbershoes.

unfortunately, the service was awful! with the exception of the iced tea, everything -- from the menu to the bill -- took forever to arrive. also, the food wasn't anything amazing either.

* * *

something happened today that renewed my faith in teaching. i wrote a recommendation for a student who because of a .04 difference, wasn't automatically accepted into the master's program of the university. out of the prodding of my boss, and against vanessa's wishes, i recommended her for the program. this morning, she dropped by with a letter which read:

dear ms. rosa,
I have been admitted to the fifth year of the MADE program. In this regard, allow me the privilege to have you as my chosen mentor. I believe and trust in your capacity to guide me in reaching my goals.

wow... it felt good reading that. more than the merit increase, more than the evaluation of my superiors, more than the chika praises that students sometimes give you, this was something that makes the low salary, long days, and frustrations all worth it.

Sunday, May 25, 2003


had i not been ready to pee in my pants, i would have been freaked at the site of a fully grown man peeing inside the women's washroom in makati supermarket - alabang. after i had done my thing i was so bothered by the thought that i just had to wait five minutes before venturing out of the cubicle.

* * *

been doing major bonding with my bed since friday. i never thought that so much sleep can actually make you feel worse!

* * *

i am not yet fine

been overly confident. i thought that after the operation, the medication, and hormone replacement therapy, i'd be fine. i don't feel anything (except more tired than usual) so i believed that after the last ultrasound, i'd be free of my ob-gyne already. no such luck. doctor texted me friday evening that i'd need another dose of injection because a cyst is growing in my left ovary.

awful, isn't it?

mark recommended freezing my eggs, but i'm a bit iffy about the ethical aspects of that. doctor recommended that i get married, but not ready for that either.

all this hassle for my future kids. i don't even know if i'll have kids. i don't even know if i want kids!

* * *

desperate for changing
starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
- hanging by a moment, lifehouse

Friday, May 23, 2003

when it rains, it pours

my life has been going downhill for the longest time: major operation, lack of job security, failed relationships (read: it's plural!), and car accident. i dunno what i've done to deserve this but apparently, my life has been one cosmic joke.

but, no, i do not want to do a bruce almighty. i just want things to be fine.

* * *

the only thing constant in my life is the martian. he's ALWAYS there. i'm one lucky girl, am i not?

Thursday, May 22, 2003

matrix reloaded

so there. i watched the matrix again. i was thinking that maybe my "authoritative" comments on how b-movie equilibrium was better than the matrix was prompted by the fact that unlike every single person in greenhills theater, i was happily snoring in my seat.

the only thing i can say is that it was better the second time around.

* * *

apparently, grades are indeed out. the highest anyone got in PIL was 2.75. THAT bad. and four people got quatro.

and people who flunked civpro also have their grades out. am scared i was one of them too. i may have passed the midterms but she never liked me and i barely passed my first class with her and she did "kill" people when she taught my block oblicon.

fuckit. i may have just ruined my life in law school.

* * *

one of my students i literally losing hair over stress. vanessa, being her official mentor, was advising her to relax, take a break, and stop thinking about graduating for a while.

her reply?

"ok lang miss. ako, pag stressed, buhok ang nawawala. si miss rosa, boyfriend."

i didn't know how to react to that one.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

still trying to convince me to blog

Well, you succeeded ... sort of.

And on this wonderful day of your triumph, I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY.

Rosa: Can't you write about me?
Me: (Silence)

What do you want to read about yourself? (Why do I want to know? I aim to please ... sometimes.)

Rosa: Write about the way you hate _ _ _ _ ...
Me: (Silence again)

Why would I force my very tired brain cells to write about someone I don't like, someone whose very name is bound to make me squirm in disgust, most especially when you talk about him in such glowing terms?

Rosa: (Jumps of the table) Heee-hyee-hyeeek! (Flashes me visual SOS to say that BB's coming)
Me: (Silence ... still)

You like it when I'm all riled up, no? And yes, I agree with you: a building painted in terra cotta, pink and yellow looks just absolutely puke-worthy.

Rosa: (With an evil gleam in her eyes) Oh, I have seen Equilibrium!
Me: (Silence ... but not for long!) Wha ... (Mouth drops open)

What the prawns! You saw Equilibrium? You saw Equilibrium? YOU SAW EQULIBRIUM?!?!?!

Rosa: Ang galing niya! Tapos may ganito pa siya o ... (With fingers trying desperately to look like guns, demonstrates -- quite weirdly, if I may add -- Christian Bale's complicated choreographed massacre of his enemies) Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch! Ang galing niyang bumaril. (Authoritatively) It's actually better than the Matrix.
Me: (Mouth still agape ... largely to prevent myself from laughing so hard)

Rosa, there are days when you're so ... so ... magulo I can't work but I'm actually glad you came to the office today. I needed a laugh.

And maybe, to blog. (But I'm still not putting one up so that you and the rest of the world can read about my little, pathetic, boring life.)

-- Vanessa

By the way, a stapler, is never -- I REPEAT -- never to be considered an armed weapon.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

tapos na

sometimes you just know it when a relationship is dead. it doesn't matter whether you were a couple or just friends or lovers even. things just don't feel the same way anymore.

it's sad though when only one realizes the "end of the affair." no matter how much you try to explain it, the other person just can't get it. and so one party tries and tries to "bring back" what was lost, while the other tries to convince the other of the impossibility of it all.

Monday, May 19, 2003

to gift or not to gift

rob thomas. unwell mtv. really cute shirt that says "love me" in front.

fell in love with it first time i saw it.

got it for someone. but that someone is actually being very... hmmm, how do i put it, icy?

oh well. can always give the shirt to someone else.
last few days...

i'm officially down to the last seven days of my vacation and i'm actually stuck at nueva ecija, at my aunt's house. there are nice things about the place: good lola food, internet connection that i don't have to shell out money for, airconditioning almost 24 hours a day, cheap parlors, dvd heaven -- but still, four hours away from manila alone with your old relatives isn't exactly the way you'd want to spend your last week off from work, right?

* * *

after conveniently "forgetting" the possibility that i flunked PIL, it's back on my mind again. darn.

* * *

am officially broke. i just have enough money to get to manila from cabanatuan and that's it. blame vanity. yesterday, i had significantly more money except that since my roots were showing and my aunt volunteered to take me to where she gets her hair colored, i spent my money on having my hair worked on.

amazing. it may be a small unknown parlor, but the color's amazing. as in it looks natural, which is not what i can say for the way some parlors color hair in manila (read: i don't look like puta). i also had my toenails done ... no, not red, but good old dependable tan.

* * *

huy, jae, sige na. a long bus trip for the sake of choco flakes. make the last seven days of my vacation memorable.

Saturday, May 17, 2003

back to reality


just got word that (1) public international law grades are out and (2) there are people who failed.

it wasn't exactly my best subject. my papers weren't exactly stellar. i had around six recitations which although were okay in my opinion, may not have been the same from dean magallona's point of view.

with vacation, thesis, the car accident, and major changes at work, i have forgotten that before anything else, i am a law student and that should have worried a bit about my god-awful second semester.

* * *

my last really awful semester was second semester of freshman year when i attempted to do both law and work full-time. it was awful. i'd cut oblicon to make it to my 4 p.m. class or leave consti 2 early to make it to my comprehensive exams. it didn't help that i also had chicken pox that semester, and got sick a lot.

this time around, i had too much fun being someone's girlfriend that my study table and i really didn't connect the entire semester. according to my roommate, my side of the room was actually quite peaceful cause i was asleep or out most of the time.

* * *

i have never failed a law subject, although i had come really close to it a couple of times.

god i'm so so scared.

i promise, a 3.0 (passing grade) would really really be ok. no complaints if i get that.

please please please please please.

Friday, May 16, 2003

you had me at hello

first time i saw the honda city i was mesmerized.

but then YOU guys kept telling me to get a toyota. so being the good girl i am, will be waiting for the launch of the new toyota vios 17 days from now and see how it holds us to the new honda city.

* * *

i'm wishing the vios comes in pink... or pale rose as the toyota people call it.

wouldn't it be cool? me in a pink car?

* * *

i swear that the only thing that's girly about me is the fact that i like pink.

* * *

i wish i could afford the car. but it totally means a major change of lifestyle. as in no more trips to coffee places when i want a nice cool (cool as in malamig not cool as in nice place to be seen in. at 26 i think i'm over that) place to study in. as in no more new bags or shoes for a long long time. as in no more dinners out in those nice new places in greenbelt. as in avoiding the tiangges and night markets that have been sprouting everywhere. as in no more triple chocolate cookie in the morning.

but ... i have a car. mwahahahaha!

* * *

it'll be stretching my budget really bad. it means giving up my life savings. it means being in debt to my parents for a long time.

but you're 26 only once. you can only blow your savings that way only once. the moment you get married and have kids, you'd have to stop thinking about yourself and about them more.

* * *

in case i don't get to post this weekend -- vacationing with my aunt -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARK! you're a year older... i hope you're a year wiser too.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

your pick!

corolla altis


the new honda city

* * *

ang tawag diyan, nangangarap.

but at least it's more "real" than marrying rob thomas by december 31.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

car insurance company making things really bad.

solution: buy a new car.

i wish.

Monday, May 12, 2003

random stuff

apparently, thief over at mandaluyong has a shoe fetish. what can i say? at least he has good taste. he stole one of my favorite pairs of shoes. had i not unloaded the car prior to the accident, he would also be the proud owner of a ralph lauren bag with fifteen library books on liberal education and a gap bag with stuff on agrarian reform law.

* * *

last week would probably rank up there among the worst time i've ever had in my life. the weird thing though is that sometimes, it takes a really low point in your life to see yourself properly. project: roxanne 2003 is definitely under way.

* * *

my computer's been crashing regularly since i downloaded kazaa. not only that, i've been having problems with msn messenger. WTF? help please.

* * *

for the first time in my life, i was able to say "pera lang yan, madaling kitain." i'm half amazed at myself really.

* * *

what's the deal with mark gil and the elephant? he actually got into a fight with the trainer cause he was too close for comfort. i've always had nothing but respect for him and his family cause they've always seemed dignified compared to other showbiz people. so i was quite surprised at that news. is he simply looking for publicity?

* * *

my two-week vacation is definitely not turning out the way i hoped it would. first, i can't go home to cabanatuan cause i have to be in manila to be on call for the insurance thing. next, i'm stuck at home and commuting's not really an option in this heat. third, the drive to finish the thesis is virtually non-existent.

* * *

cross pen has been found. i hope that things are slowly normalizing.
light at the end of the tunnel

the mom of the martian just gave me a second-hand phone. she felt so bad that my cd player got stolen in the martian's car so she asked him to give me his extra nokia 5510. para naman daw may pakinggan ako.


Saturday, May 10, 2003

when it rains it pours

as if the accident weren't enough, god decided to throw me a curve ball ... mars' car got broken into the other day and since the stuff i unloaded from the car when we left it with the casa was in his car, i lost my cd player, a forward mark cd, and a pair of shoes. he lost his car radio, a bottle of perfume, and this small bag of coins for the tollgate.

* * *

today i also realized that i lost my oh-so-precious cross pen.

* * *

bad luck comes in threes. god, tama na ha?

Friday, May 09, 2003

you know who you are.

Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then i don't care were not going anywhere

-losing grip, avril lavigne
sige lang, sige lang, itaas ang kilay!


terribly, lousy, shitty service.

* * *

at first i tried to be cooperative. i listened to the insurance coordinator as she explained to me how our former coordinator in isuzu made us balahura by directly filing our insurance application with people's general instead of filing it as an in-house insurance of isuzu. had i not filed any claims, this would have gone unnoticed. however, because of the accident, i would now have to bear the consequences of what she did.

no way. no effing way.

* * *

weakless, spineless insurance coordinator kept washing her hand off the entire thing. she kept telling me that since it wasn't an in-house account she couldn't do anything about it. she kept forcing me just have the car fixed at one of their accredited talyers. she kept feeding me lines. and she kept making me do her job by having me talk to her supervisor.

by the time i talked to who seemed to be the millionth person from people's general, i was ticked off.

in perfect english (i usually lapse into taglish in regular conversation) i told him off. i told him how the contract was entered into good faith and how this shouldn't be my problem. i told him how i'd have him sued first before i spring for towing (again), evaluation, and storage. i told him under no circumstances will i have it repaired by some hole in the wall car repair shop of their own choosing. i told him -- and this is my favorite part -- that had i known that that was what their insurance company would be doing to me, i would have just picked some tpl insurance company in front of LTO.

in the end, a compromise was reached. the car will be repaired by isuzu alabang (amazing service). they will supply the parts.

wait ... parts... leche, baka lagyan nang taiwan ang kotse.

* * *

that meant i had to stay and wait for the adjuster.

this man i bullied without thinking twice.

* * *

kahit 2.5 lang ako sa agency & partnership and isurance, i believe i understood both subjects completely. there was no way that i would have allowed them to walk all over me.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

slammed car into a pick-up making a u-turn. front of car is a total wreck.

what's worse is that i'm a total wreck myself.

* * *

thank you so much. thank you for coming through for me.

* * *

you realize who loves you when something like this happens. i don't know if they'll ever get to read this but ...

... thanks pacito for being the first person to pick up his phone and tell me what to do.
... thanks carol for not only calling the police station but for sending joel over
... thanks glen and ye for watching over the car
... thanks judy for making all the phone calls for me
... thanks pam for calling the police
... thanks jayvee for the prayers
... thanks vanessa for asking how i was and for being worried enough that your parents felt the need to come pick me up
... thanks mama for not getting mad and for telling me what to do
... thanks mars -- for everything. for coming as soon as you heard, for giving me that hug the moment you saw me, for taking charge of everything.
... thanks bree for offering to come and pick me up. thanks for telling tito efren too and having him call me and help with the insurance stuff.

* * *

am scared shitless to sit behind a wheel now. but since tow truck wasn't readily available (one company refused to tow and said they charge an arm and a leg, another company not only charged an arm and a leg but we had to wait for twenty minutes at least) had to be part of a convoy to bring my car home. mars pulled me aside, looked at me straight in the eye and said that i had to drive his car while he followed behind in my car. it was scary but i had no choice. glen brought up the rear.

hands were shaking the entire time.

* * *

it's been a really really bad year...

can't 2003 be over yet?

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

i want...

... someone who will not hesitate to tell me i'm beautiful even with bed head, morning breath, and a scowl for being woken up early, and mean it.
... someone who can take care of himself.
... someone who has been raised by women but is not gay.
... someone who gets the punchline right after you've delivered the joke, not five minutes later.
... someone who respects my passions, shares some of them, but has enough of his own to keep him entertained.
... someone who i can talk to till the wee hours of the morning about anything and everything, britney spears included.
... someone who will sing "crash into me" right before we make love.
... someone who dresses well.
... someone who can help me shop for stuff instead of stand outside the shop and grumble about the time being "wasted"
... someone who will appreciate what you've done to yourself after spending hours in the parlor, but not complain when you haven't had the time to go to the parlor to "pretty-fy" yourself.
... someone who will allow me to use his car -- and actually drive it -- when i'm in major need of transportation.
... someone who will not mind being driven around by a girl
... someone who fulfills the checklist: a basketball-playing, god-fearing, family-oriented UP or ateneo grad who does not mess up his pronounciation and grammar.

and in the event he does come into my life, i promise to ...

... not forget the fact that although he loved me for more than my looks, it doesn't mean i have to let myself go.
... take care of his needs even if he can take care of himself: make sure his shirts are well-pressed, that his underwear and socks have been laundered and folded, and that he will always have good food on the table.
... support his every endeavor and not nag when he's not doing what i want him to be doing.
... to be his partner -- an equal.
... never foget that a career may be a good thing, children may be blessings, but ultimately, it's our life together that should be my focus.
... do my best rendition of "you make me feel like a natural woman" after we make love, because i believe, that THAT act with him will most definitely make me feel that way.

* * *

kailan kaya siya darating? for the meantime, i better start practicing that song.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

i'm not worthy!

remember the movie wayne's world? one of the funniest things - in my opinion - about the movie is whenever the two of them would go "i'm not worthy! i'm not worthy!" complete with the upper half body bowing gestures. it's hilarious, i must admit, but there are times in our own REAL lives that we feel like doing the same thing, right?

case in point: last saturday, mars and i caught XEREX in festival mall (aubrey addiction, on my part, not his). he was nothing but nice and sweet and loving the entire afternoon. he got the movie tickets, volunteered to get me popcorn, made sure i was comfortable in my seat, etc. etc. a better woman would've glowed in his adulation. i, on the other hand, threw him an irritated "what???" whenever i'd catch him looking at me intently. most women would simply simper and melt at his kind of sweet, gentle loving. i get pissed.

since the break-up almost a month ago, i've been giving him the same line over and over again -- i'm not worthy! i have highlighted all my flaws, made myself scarce, stayed out till the wee hours of the morning, and failed to return his text messages to no avail. he still believes i am kind, sweet, gentle, loving, and tender. no matter how many times i tell him that i'll just hurt him in the end, break his heart, and do him harm, he'd still rather choose to believe that everything will work out in the end if he loved me and tried to understand me.

why is it that the more we convince people of our flaws, the more they believe we're better than we say we are? have our logic grown that twisted that we always think the opposite of what people are actually saying?

either that or i have "project" written all over my forehead.

* * *

but honestly, isn't this the very reason why women go for the bad guys? robin padilla may not be the world's best husband but that didn't stop a whole slew of women from falling in love with him. skipper -- miranda's ex in sex in the city -- on the other hand is the world's best teddy bear boyfriend, but that didn't stop miranda from dumping him either. is it the mystery that bad guys bring in our lives? is it the excitement?

maybe, just maybe, it's the knowledge that in case this all ends, it's going to be his fault, and not mine.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

to what do we owe this honor?

if you've ever had that moment when someone you know in real life goes up to you and blurts out the famous words "you have a blog!" you'd know what this post is all about. You fell like keeling over, or like everything stops. People aren't supposed to know that you blog. It's your journal, for goodness' sake. It's a SECRET, you think, so how come this person is privy to it?

But then again, if it were a secret, whatever possessed you to put it on the net? This is the internet where nothing is sacred. Students steal stuff of the net and pass if off as their own. This is where you find that oh-so-elusive butt-naked Alicia Silverstone picture. Nothing is private, everything is free, nothing is yours.

And so that’s what blogs are all about. Inasmuch as we’d all like to think that we own our blogs and whatever we say there, in the end, the fact that we posted it on the net means that some part of us wants to be heard, wants to be read. I mean, if we didn’t really care at all, then why do we care about grammar? Why do we follow the three c’s of writing? Why do we even put that site meter? Admit it or not, we WANT people to read.

Moreover, we want people to tell us what they think. If it weren’t true, I’d remove the comments box altogether. But no, I admit to the fact that at the end of the day, before I rush off to somewhere, I check whether people have commented on what I wrote.

* * *

one of the greatest people I know made an album called “things I admit to myself in the car with the radio on.” According to him, “ there’s something about being in the car alone that just drives you to start thinking about whatever circumstances might be present in your life … you think, you wonder, and suddenly you find yourself realizing any number of things that you would not have owned up to in any other situation. The car is not just a means of transportation, it’s also a means for reflection.”

For me, that was what my blog was like. I could basically write whatever it is that I wanted. I could own up to anything – the fact that I cheated on an accounting exam in fourth year high school, or that I probably didn’t really love a couple of guys I said “I love you” to in the past. But what I had forgotten was that unlike the car where I was really all alone, no one is really all alone on the net.

* * *

recently I posted “shallow stuff” thinking that it would be okay for me to diss a particular kind of person simply because it was my blog and I wasn’t accountable for what I write in here. It was too late when I realized that although this blog is my home on the net, I had opened the doors of my home to people and I owe it to them too think twice before posting something like that. It’s pretty much like the charles barkley situation where he refused to acknowledge that no matter how much he tried to deny it, he was a role model and people looked at how he talked, walked, and in my case, how he played basketball.

* * *

it was wrong for me to have thought that what he was was an editor because in reality, he could’ve actually been that voice in you that tells you what’s wrong from right. We say (or don’t say) stuff not because we’ve been edited. We opt not to because we know better. We’ve been taught better than to diss people to their faces. We also know better than to do it behind their backs.

* * *

the last couple of days, what I did was to look at myself carefully in the mirror and think. I may be able to pronounce “photograph” properly but there are things I couldn’t do: I walk funny. I’m a bad speller. I sing out loud even when I do know I’m tone deaf. I’m an awful driver. I stumble over my words.

* * *

so in the end, I was wrong. You were right.
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