what can i say? i really want a wii too.my brother's been craving for a wii for the longest time and keith's been telling me about it. since i'm more into simulation games like the sims and diner dash , i really didn't get what the fuss was all about.

it was so big that even tita celia bought a wii.

still, the disinterested me opted to sleep instead of involving myself as she showed my cousin the different wii games she had.

my cousins also got a wii for christmas, and i still was indifferent until they finally showed me how to play it.

and i got addicted.

i got so addicted i played till way past midnight.

and now my arms hurt.

and i want my own wii controller.

in fact, i wouldn't mind my own wii.

so addicted that while we were at the mall, all i could say, together with my cousins, was that "u-wii na po tayo."

rosa, the ten-year-old version.

it's that time of the year

so it's almost the end of the year again. time to review what has happened. time to think long and hard on how the entire year has been spent.

and, time to make new year's resolutions.

of course, i'd be so out of the loop (and totally mean to myself IMHO) if i don't include the ubiquitous "lose weight". but after having included it in my resolution (not to mention to do lists) every single opportunity i get, i'm getting a bit tired of writing it down, making a mad dash to exercise the first couple of weeks of the year, and burning out by the time my birthday rolls around (in case you want to send a gift, this happens in march). next to losing weight, i'm also tired of promising that i'll be cleaning my room, organizing my closet, being less mean, and arriving at work early. while not entirely impossible, i've come to realize that maybe, just maybe, these things were not built into me. maybe before i can actually be a more organized person, i'd need an upgrade or something?

so, in order to feel better about myself, and so that i may be able to say i've actually accomplished my resolutions for this year, i'm thinking, maybe it's time that i write down more "achievable" stuff.

#1 - buy more shoes.
#2 - spend more time at the mall.
#3 - eat kfc regularly.

maybe i can also put in things that, if i don't do, i'd be terribly disappointed in myself and/or possibly ruin my future.

#4 - apply for a law firm.
#5 - go to ortigas to get IBP id.
#6 - update resume.
#7 - renew passport.
#8 - apply for a us visa.

hmmm... i'm really getting the hang of this. two more to round it up.

#9 - relax and not panic that i'm not married/coupled up with someone/dating someone for the moment.
#10 - spend more time with family.

that wasn't so hard. (especially number one, wouldn't you agree?)

happy new year everyone!

here's to a wonderful 2008 for all of us ... and the possibility of success in love, career, and family in the year of the rat.

today (or should i say yesterday considering it's already saturday), for lack of a more appropriate term, was horrible.

ideally, it was supposed to be great: we're basically done with the work for the year, our boss is taking out to lunch again (she took us yesterday to penang hill for our office party), and i'm headed out to cabanatuan, nueva ecija to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. except that i woke up late, was unable to pack stuff (i'll be spending a looooong time away from home these coming days), and had major indigestion (too much information?) because of the spicy lunch we had (very low tolerance for anything remotely spicy). but then, if i were to really think about it, the day should've turned out better cause i had a nice chat with g and r, spent time with g, p, and a, and basically helped out a friend.

still, i don't know, hormones maybe? it was just a day i'd rather strike off the books.

and to think christmas is just around the corner.

anyway, i've decided what my christmas gift for myself will be: i want a portable dvd player with a screen. sooner (and not later), i hope to finally be able to get it for myself.

advanced merry christmas, everyone!

out of nowhere he calls me to tell me that he saw something on the news that made him think of me.

"have you heard?" he asked.

"about the performance bonus, yeah," i answered back.

"hindi yun," he retorts back.

i think i must have given five more stupid answers before he told me about the people who got stuck at EK's space shuttle.

apparently, it was the result of some technical error and as of 9:25 p.m., none of the people who got stuck had plans of filing charges against ek.

for posterity, i'm posting pictures of our trip to ek. during one of our conversations, we found out that we both loved rides and that we both like the space shuttle so when we trekked over there last november, it was the first ride we braved leaving him (and i must admit me too) a bit woozy ten minutes after entering the park.

we both agreed it must be the fact that we're both a little older now.

will this stop me from going to ek, or any theme park for that matter, anytime soon?

hell no.

in fact, truth to tell, i wouldn't have minded being one of those people stuck.

... and for the sake of excitement, i would have probably sued :) evil.

my feet are propped up on my aunt's teak bench and i'm nursing the aches and pains brought about by a day's worth of shopping at 168. what can i say? i was barely able to buy anything, except for a couple of presents for some people, a cheap pair of cap toe quilted ballet flats in black and white, and a fake lesportsac tokidoki gym bag. virtually empty-handed, don't you think?

well, empty handed but i must say that i am now in serious fake-bag lust over a gucci jolicoeur medium tote which costs a whopping (for me it's "whopping") P2,800 (and that's after tawad, mind you). i checked the web the moment i got home and they got everything, down to the last stitch, perfect. so perfect that had i been shown the bag at an office christmas party over at ACCRA or sycip, i might have actually thought it was the real thing. but then again, since i work at the court of appeals and since my boss hasn't bought her first gucci yet, i'm sure people won't hesitate to think my bag's a knock-off.

the even sadder thing is that ever since last night, i've been having major bag cravings in the form of a major longing for an lv speedy 40. turns out it costs $670 only, which, given the low us dollar exchange rate costs a little less than P28k only if i buy it online. thank goodness it's out of stock online... otherwise i might have probably bought it without really thinking.

i am horrible with money, i tell you.

anyway, the christmas balikbayan boxes (they sent two boxes this year!) from my parents finally arrived last tuesday and they satiated my label lust by sending over this gorgeous dooney and bourke medium sac in the anniversary quilt (brown and amber). and, no self-respecting shoe addict will allow her parents to send a box without shoes so i'm now the proud owner of five new pairs of shoes, not to mention an extra pair of rubbershoes i didn't know about and gorgeous pink galoshes. i <3 my mom and dad --> my parents are clearly feeding my addiction, don't you think?

i'll be braving the malls again this coming weekend for presents. so far, i think i've gotten through ten percent of my list. hopefully, i don't run out of money before i'm able to get through the entire list.

advanced happy weekend!

i'd like to believe i had the most productive long weekend.

friday i spent helping out the two heads of our social action team in lingkod as they prepared for our christmas outreach project. i helped out in a way i was sure i'd enjoy - we shopped for the groceries we'd be giving the families then we packed them in grocery bags. we went out again to buy the christmas gifts for the kids then we went back to the house to wrap them up. i went home a little past eleven tired, but with a huge smile plastered onto my face.

i slept in saturday ... then went out in an attempt to kick start my christmas shopping. unfortunately i was only able to buy one gift for my godchild and a gift for a friend's wedding this coming saturday. the gift wrapping lines at rustan's was horribly long - so long that i actually had to go back today to pick up one present i had wrapped. after my mini-shopping spree, i went to bf resort to meet with the "christmas party people". i've been asked to be one of the planners for this year's party and we did all the technical set-up (we want our party to be pretty hi-tech!) and the planning. hopefully everything runs smoothly next saturday.

and today, well, today's supposed to be the mega-cleaning day. i asked two ladies to clean the house and i had hoped that by the time they left, the house would be sparkling clean. i had expected too much - the bathrooms have not been scrubbed and polished for so long (i can only clean minimally - it's not one of my skills!) that it took forever for them to remove the soap scums and whatever. they're coming back next week to clean up the other parts of the house.

of course even the most productive "version" of me would have to have some happy shopping time right? well, i braved the crowds at this year's cuenca bazaar and what can i say? i had fun. i went there friday afternoon (with the girls, so it took forever to navigate each and every row there. you know how it is!) and bought a couple of presents. today i went back again (this time with a male friend) and i was surprised at the speed we went through the entire bazaar. it was so cute how he'd point out, "hindi pa tayo dumadaan sa part na yon" and how he'd say "wait, i want to go back there to buy the mesh toiletry bag". finally - a male shopping partner? maybe.

well, my weekend was definitely fun. how was yours?

p.s. i had just realized i'd been spending way over budget for the gifts i've been buying! oh no. i better schedule that divisoria trip ASAP.

p.p.s. crazy boy - you better make good your promise to buy me a present :) i'm setting up the big tree (not the usual small ones) this year for the present you're getting me. hahaha.

thanks to a good friend, my horrible day has turned into an enlightening evening. i've heard the same pieces of advice from others but coming from someone wizened and with the gift of giving advice, i actually took it to heart.

still, the romantic in me can't help but hope - and pine - for the boy. hence the song. i just discovered it today. it's exactly how i'm feeling right now.

Pag Nagkataon
The Company

Bakit ang ngiti mo'y
Iba yata ngayon
Ngiti ng umiibig
'Di nga ba gano'n 'yon?
Ano kaya't ako
Ang nasa puso mo
'Pag Nagkataon
Ang ligaya ko!

Bakit ang tingin mo'y
Iba yata ngayon
Tingin ng umiibig
'Di nga ba gano'n 'yon?
Sino nga kaya
Ang nasa puso mo?
Sino ba ang mahal
Ng minamahal ko?

'PAG NAGKATAON
'PAG MINAHAL MO
BUONG PUSO KO'Y
IBIBIGAY SA 'YO
ARAW-ARAW SASABIHIN
MINAMAHAL KITA
'PAG NAGKATAONG
TAYO NG DALAWA

Bakit ang saya mo?
'Pag kasama kita
Baka nga totoong
Nagmamahal ka na
Sana ay ikaw
Ang kapalaran ko
'Pag nagkataon
Liligaya tayo!

Ako kaya o iba?
Sino nga bang mahal mo talaga?
May kaba ako ngayon
Ano kaya?
'Pag Nagkataon

two things.

1. every family should have a lawyer; and
2. i'm glad i'm a lawyer.

last weekend, i had my schedule all set up: watch hell's kitchen, go to the mall to get shoes fixed and buy a present for a friend, have dinner with friends, do laundry, and attend my boss' husband's birthday party. i was able to get as far as the third task when someone called informing me that a family member was in trouble.

trouble as in he was being detained in jail.

he had already engaged the services of another lawyer, a friend i had recommended earlier that day to help him with an estafa case he wanted to file against someone. when i learned that he did that, i wanted to hit him - off the top of my head, i can name at least two other lawyers who could better help him with his case. but ethics demands that i stick with his decision, no matter how disagreeable it was, and to just do the best i could under the circumstances.

after forty-eight hours in detention, a poorly-executed settlement, and a lot of frustration, we were able to all finally go home. but, before that happened, it took a lot of shouting (on my part - i totally hated how lazy and incompetent my friend was throughout the entire thing), calling other people (even if i theoretically knew what had to be done, i had zilch experience in things that happen before the actual trial), and doing what i had hoped my family's lawyer would have done (as i said, he was lazy).

when i finally fell into bed exhausted last monday night, i realized that every family should have a lawyer, whether a family member or someone you absolutely trust to protect your interests. the lawyer we engaged may have been a friend (yes, i don't want to think of him as a friend anymore - he, for the lack of a better word, majorly sucked) but at the end of the day, he was after getting his job done and collecting his professional fees. never, during the entire ordeal, did i feel he wanted to do anything to protect my family's interest. in fact, the entire sunday, he never once appeared to do what he could do but would just send text messages or call (and even have the guts to get mad at me when i don't pick up) me (not even the immediate family of the person involved) and just ask regarding what was happening over where we were. and, although he was told he could go, he didn't even have the delicadeza to wait until my relative was released before he high-tailed it out of there.

what if i wasn't there to tell my relatives exactly what was happening or what we could do in the meantime? what if my relatives were totally clueless about their rights? what if we couldn't afford the settlement the lawyer made for us? what if we were totally dependent on the lawyer?

i don't know. what i do know is that i'm thankful we had gotten through the ordeal unscathed, and that i had deleted that lawyer's number from my phone book. that's one lawyer who will never get a referral from me for as long as i live.

sometimes, i do run out of words.







especially when john lloyd and bea enters the picture, no pun intended.




well, fine a couple of words:
1. no more rice.
2. no more junk food.
3. no more fast food.

i know no amount of dieting will make me as pretty as bea, but i can as hell try, right?

it takes so little to make me happy.

today, though, a friend exceeded all expectations and made me ecstatically happy.

enchanted kingdom + a friend who loves riding all the same rides + fun conversation = one of the best days in the universe :)

when i told a friend i was going to watch beyonce's concert, she expressed concern.

"do you know that there are rumors going around that she isn't really going to be there?"

apparently, since the concert was being touted as "the beyonce experience" and considering that the words "live in taguig" were conspicously absent from the posters, there was a rumor going around that beyond wasn't really going to be there, that they'll just be doing a live feed of her doing a concert somewhere else.

the picture in the philippine star last wednesday morning should've shut up the rumors.

except that we were at the patron b section and when all the other people who were in the sections in front of us stood in their seats at the start of the concert, we were left with exactly that: the experience and zero view of beyonce.

i wish i could say that i at least saw her arm or something but unfortunately, all i can say is that from what i saw from the giant screen, she was amazing.

my third concert in this lifetime, my first major contemporary star, and i'm stuck with watching her on the giant screen. bummer.

yet another lovely hotel room somewhere in the city.

i don't think i'll ever get tired of this life. i'm 30, and yet i still enjoy being my aunt's dakilang alalay. before i used to be brought to where she is, then i graduated to commuting and now i'm her driver. i passed the bar, and people call me attorney, and litigants have to trust that i know what i'm doing when i decide a case but as far as my family's concerned, i'm just a girl who can drive and ferry people around.

i don't mind. as i've said, i love this life.

today i drove from cabanatuan city to manila to pasay city. tomorrow, i'm going to have to bring my aunt to picc, then i've to go home, get my shoes and uniform for work, then pick up my aunt and bring her home back to cabanatuan. that means i have to wake up early on monday and go straight to work from cabanatuan.

*whew*

tiring, but, let me repeat it again, i don't mind :)

i love the centralized airconditioning, the hot water, the tub, the plump pillows and firm bed. i enjoy the breakfast buffet, lounging around in the room, and the fluffy bathrobes.

some people would be pretty freaked out if they've been away from home as long as i have been - 10 days last week and so far, four days this week - but not me. weird as this may be, i actually enjoy living out of my suitcase :)

of course, this means i'm almost always missing something i wish i had with me but actually left at home.

anyway, this week's going to be a fun one for me. i've got beyonce scheduled for wednesday and enchanted kingdom on sunday. fun, fun, fun :)

i've barely unpacked "alfred", the giant suitcase, when i packed anew for my roadtrip to cabanatuan city.

yup it's time for my second "pilgrimage" to nueva ecija to visit my tita celia and lola lina. this year, though, it's a bit extra special since my cousin adette took the trip with me.

we were caught in numerous traffic jams on the way here, extending the trip to almost five hours. good thing i had her with me - with my body still bone-tired from the week-long trip to ormoc city and my iTrip refusing to work with my iPod, i would have most likely fallen asleep from the exhaustion. after a short pit stop at burger king at shell nlex, we plodded on, facing one traffic jam after another, until we finally arrived just in time for dinner at my aunt's house.

anyway, i won't talk about how i spent yesterday anymore - i'm willing to be everyone spent their all saint's day almost exactly the same way: visit dead relatives, eat there with living relatives, catch up and air kiss people you barely know, then pack up to go home. if you were crazy enough, like us, to bring a car, then you probably would add spend hours looking for a parking lot and spend hours taking car out of the parking space into the mix. so, save for the fact that i was wearing a new shirt and my new havaianas with me, my november 1 wasn't all that special.

yes, you read that right, i finally bought my own pair of havaianas. i was supposed to buy my own pair for my trip to ormoc but between catching up on work, buying stuff for my friend's wedding, and battling stomach flu, i barely had enough time to adequately prepare everything i needed for my trip to ormoc. thus, the feeling of "inadequacy" (yep, i felt that way even if i packed what could probably the biggest suitcase among 325 delegates) coupled with ten days without any mall time caused me to go on a shopping trip that would put even me to shame. since coming home last sunday, i've bought: a pair of cotton candy pink crocs prima, havaianas, a green shirt, a paisely mini dress with a nice belt, and a brown trapeeze top. i would have added jeans to the list except that i ran out of time. crazy, huh?

anyway, i'm driving back to manila tomorrow morning. my aunt's checked in at trader's hotel and will be attending a conference this weekend. whether i'm driving her home or not on sunday is still a question mark. let's just say that the way things are now, spike is bound to get the "exercise" of his life. so, so much for saving up on mileage.

my parents have finally sent this year's "balikbayan box". i am excited for it to arrive and am willing the forces that be that it arrive now, now, now. it usually takes a month for the box to arrive, longer in certain instances. but since that MAJORITY of the box contents are things i handpicked myself (including a nike backpack with ipod controls on the strap, crazy sexy shoes that i love but don't know whether they'll match anything in my closet, and truckloads of gummy bears, enough to give me a tummy ache) i am more excited than i have ever been. *sigh* when things like this happen to me, i so not feel like i'm a thrity-year-old lawyer but instead, feel like a ten-year-old whose idea of love and affection is anchored on a gaily wrapped present.

this is getting a bit too long already. it's way past lunctime and i think i owe it to the people around me to finally get out of my pajamas and somewhat be ready to face the world.

see you all again soon!

hello, philippines, mabuhay!

i'm back. seven days without television, seven days sleeping with strangers who eventually became friends. i left my camera at home, ergo, the pictureless post. right now, i'm also too tired to write about the trip in detail. but lest i forget, here's a bullet-point version of my week:

- we named the huge bag "alfred" because, when i was contemplating on using it, i described it as the bag that would fit "alfred" inside. the bag became so popular cause it was pretty huge for a week-long trip. it was so popular that people actually had their pictures taken next to him.

- i am renewed, spirtually and everything-else-wise.

- it was a huge hassle avoiding ex-amazing boy. it was even more of a hassle - and it made me want to kill him - when he basically grilled me as we were disembarking the plane who would pick me up from the airport. uhm, hello, last time i checked, you very clearly said you weren't ready for a commitment. and, last time i heard, you were hitting on every single person in a skirt at the nltc. so please, cut the interrogation please?

- and, by the way, let me just say i was stupid for calling him amazing boy in the first place.

- i stayed in a room with four other amazing sisters. we're all planning on meeting up in cebu next year.

- huge crush on tambol boy. huge crush in the manner of me running to the mall in the rain, getting horribly wet in the process, in order to buy a pretty party dress which he, in the end, did not appreciate. he didn't even say hi the entire evening. bummer.

- and since tambol boy lives in an entirely different geographical region and since i totally believe in the seven kilometer radius rule, my crush on tambol boy ended when the plane took off at tacloban.

- i so love living in the province. hmmmm... makapag-pa-assign kaya sa court of appeals cebu?

- i finally bought the crocs ballet flats cause they looked so cute on one girl during the conference. as in i got off the plane, got on a friend's car, dragged friend all the way to atc, and we bought crocs - at least, we bought crocs after i fed him dinner; i'm still nice that way.

- crocs are a bit small i think. will return tomorrow to get a bigger size.

- i was on the same plane as albert martinez. he was hot. hot and a bit too short. i actually mustered up the energy to have my picture taken next to him.

goodnight, y'all. i've got a million one things to do to catch up on all the stuff i left here in manila. but, if you know me that much, you'd know the first thing i'll be doing - mall to return shoe. hahaha.

greetings from ormoc villa hotel.

suffice to say, i survived my first domestice flight. it was a bit delayed *sigh* but it was uber fun nonetheless. we didn't have the normal games cause of bad weather but being with three other equally makulit people, we were able to make "games" for ourselves.

can't stay long - am just using a sister's laptop. but, before i go, i want to introduce you to the newest "man" in my life.

people, meet "alfred"

turns out i got intestinal/stomach flu the other day.

today's the first day that things are "normal", stomach-wise. i was finally able to venture out of the house (without fear, if you know what i mean). still, there must've been something about my general appearance which prompted my boss to comment, "you still look sick, rosa."

well, maybe it's cause there was something wrong with my right eye. at first i thought it was just a case of having some debris stuck on my contact lens. i kept trying to clean it until i finally gave up, resigned myself to an itchy right eye, and promised myself that i'd go home ASAP (no more passing by the robinson's three day sale for me) so that i could take off my contact lenses and rest my eye.

i did all that, except for some reason, my eye got redder. and the debris? well it still felt like it was there.

so, for the first time in years (except for the time when i had to be at the hospital for my brother), i ventured out of my house in glasses, the left part of which, if i may add, is held together by a piece of surgical tape. i got to lingkod, had my eye checked by my doctor friend there who immediately pronounced after lifting and pulling around my eye area (wrinkles!), yes, it's SORE EYES.

of course sore eyes easily means finally being able to wear with aplomb my new ginormous sunglasses. but since i cannot wear contacts while i'm nursing my bloodshot right eye, i'm stuck to wearing glasses. AND, since i'm off to ormoc via tacloban tomorrow afternoon, i'm going to have to find a way to go to the mall and get quickie glasses made so i don't have to meet the 349 other delegates of the ALNP-NLTC wearing my taped up glasses.

clearly, this week has been horrible, healthwise. hopefully, this one will be the end of it.

will try to post from ormoc.

see you in a week, everyone!

sick is a word i'm not familiar with. i'm the kid who would finish the year with perfect attendance, the kid who wasn't well-acquainted with the school nurse, and the employee who hardly misses a day of work. if i'm absent, it must be a huge deal.

yesterday evening, i met up with friends at starbucks madrigal. i had planned on getting something before meeting up with them but since i stayed at work and still had to pass by the house to get my gift for faith and the car, i arrived at starbucks very, very hungry. somehow, i managed to convince my friends to move to pancake house, pretty please, and accompany me while i had dinner.

i ordered MMC2 - a piece of pan chicken, spaghetti, garlic bread, a taco, and iced tea. i tried pacing myself by starting on the garlic bread, then onto the spaghetti. by the time i got to the chicken, my tummy felt weird, full but hungry at the same time. by the time i finished my meal, i was pouting. my stomach felt like it was full of gas but not food (which meant the dull "hunger throb" was still there) and my legs (for some unknown reason) felt "achy".

i left way ahead of the others (they went back to starbucks to meet up with other friends) thinking maybe i just need to make a trip to the bathroom (too much information, i know), but no deal. i tried sleeping early, hoping i'd burp throughout the night, and wake up feeling so much better. no such luck - i woke up at 2 am still with stomach issues and a fever.

horrible, horrible, horrible.

i woke up this morning still sick. sick, sick, sick. i messaged my boss and officemates informing them i'll be staying home. i had thought that maybe i could spend the morning in bed, wake up at around lunch time, and get started on the work i had brought home. i was hoping that my fever was just brought about by stress at work. unfortunately, here i am, the day almost over, and still feeling sick as ever. (but able to blog. apparently, blogging takes up very little energy.)

i'm hoping i'd be fine tomorrow. i'm tempted to stay at home because i'm afraid that if i do go to work, i'd get sick again and will be unable to go to ormoc next week. and we all know i can't miss ormoc, right?

wish me luck. my tummy has settled down but still has a dull empty feeling. my temperature isn't that high but my joints are in major pain. i don't have coughs and cold - weird huh - but i feel horrible all over. i don't know what's wrong with me. hopefully, it's just cause i ate bad barbecue the other day.

robert jordan is dead

okay, it's been a month since he passed away but i only found out now.

i also found out from reading his site that robert jordan was just a pen name.

my brother texted me and at first, i refused to believe him. he can't die, not when there's only one book to go in the series. his wife, harriet, has said one word to his fans: ONWARD. here's me, thirty minutes after finding out that he's passed away, saying, i'm sorry, but i can't. not yet.

i read the eye of the world when i was in my second semester, second year in college. i had taken up running for PE and although there wasn't any classes that day, i did my usual two rounds around the academic oval as "homework" for class. bad idea - i developed an allergic reaction to something, my face swelled to gigantic proportions, and as a result, was stuck inside my dorm room for the day. with no book to read, my roommate, who was into fantasy books big time, handed me her copy of book one of the wheel of time series.

it was a thick book, much thicker than the bestsellers i usually read. but by the second chapter, i was hooked. i had fallen in love with lan, had my guess as to who the dragon reborn was, and had pledged that one day, i will buy my own copy of the books.

a year after graduating from college, at one of national bookstore's annual sale, i bought six of the eight books that were available at that time. today, i have nine out of the eleven. plus the prequel.

throughout the years, i've met fans of the wheel of time, and it was funny cause you can't really tell whether a person might turn out to be a fan. one of my best friends from work, a teacher i apprenticed with, and another roommate, this time when i was in law school already. my mom emailed me once that she was in the house of a friend when she saw one of the kids with the book - it was instant bonding for them when she told the kid that her daughter reads robert jordan too.

there were times that i'd admit having loathed robert jordan. i especially hated books 7 and 8 (i don't think i finished either), and book ten was a major disappointment. but after spying book 11 with two weeks to go before my bar re-take, i found myself unable to resist buying it, and actually promised myself that i'll make time to read the book, piles and piles of reviewers notwithstanding. i actually did, and i loved it. it felt like robert jordan and i were okay again.

i remember when the prequel came out, and book ten was out too. i was still in law school, and i was broke. i wanted both, but couldn't afford either. i'd go to powerbooks to read a little at a time, much to the irritation of my then boyfriend. then one day, on our eigth month anniversary, i think, he handed me book 10. was it pity, or sheer thoughtfulness, i don't know. all that mattered was that now, i have my own copy of book ten.

last month i was spending time with myself when i realized it was day one of national bookstore's annual cut-price booksale. and there it was: the prequel, selling for P65 bucks only. i was so happy i think i sent a message to five different people in my phonebook. i loved it so much - right there and then, after finishing the last page, i prayed for more wheel of time books. i don't care if it never ended, i just wanted more.

but then, now that he's gone, there wouldn't be anymore. i'd never know if rand would go crazy, finally, and who he'd end up with. is moiraine still alive, somewhere? what'll happen to perrin and the people of two rivers? and mat ... you can't help but love mat. what about the white tower and egwene?

i don't know.

my cold-hearted self didn't shed a single tear when my uncle passed away. but today, i did.

thank you robert jordan for the hours of escape that you've given me. although not soon, i'll meet you in another world, and hopefully, you'll tell me how it all ended.

since irma invited me to be one of the NLTC delegates, i've tried my damn best not to be too excited. after i booked and paid for my ticket and asked my aunt if i could borrow her biggest maleta, i tried putting the thought of finally flying to a domestic location at the back of my mind and forgot all about the NLTC.

i "ignored" it so much that i didn't file my leave until last wednesday.

i "ignored" it so much that now, i'm trying to squeeze so many things in my schedule this coming week. of course, to make matters worse, i've been loaded with this horrible annulment of judgment case (horrible to begin with, and even more horrible since the lawyer came up with all of these weird arguments all of which have to be addressed. sometimes, the more "stupid" the lawyer is, the more "complicated" the case becomes. i just hate it) and there's not a single labor case submitted for decision (see, i can do labor cases in my sleep). and, oh, don't forget that there's a wedding i have to attend on thursday, laundry to do tomorrow, and water to be delivered, hopefully by tomorrow.

let's not even get into the packing that i need to get done. i think i need to buy board shorts, havaianas, and my kikay stuff. and, let's not forget glasses - right now, the only pair i have has medical tape holding it together.

i'm excited, no doubt about that. but right now, my major concern is to get through this week before flying off next saturday.

wish me luck!

this is what happens when you insist on dating the wrong boy

from day one, i've known it wouldn't work out: (1) he wasn't my type; (2) none of my friends like him (in fact, no one i knew who knew him too had anything nice to say about it); and (3) he was friends with the boy i had deemed (in the past) to be THE ONE. maybe i was really lonely, or maybe i'm totally materialistic and i actually get drawn by things such as the boy's lovely car. whatever. i dated him and what do you know, i actually end up brokenhearted.

the funny thing is that i was actually able to convince myself that there might have been something there. i went out of my way to justify things he did, or things he did not do. i was satisfied with inconsequential things he did for me, and actually went out of my way to do things for him, things i wouldn't do for anyone, like get out of bed, get dressed, and drive fifteen kilometers to "comfort" him after he resigned in a huff after having a tiff with his boss. i fell for the trap the millions of girls the world over fall for: maybe if i tried hard enough, i'd be able to change him into the man i want him to become.

of course, a girl (a SMART girl, i'd like to think so) can only take so much. i wish i could say i got out of it before it hurt me real bad but i didn't. at the end of the day, he made it clear that i made a mistake by breaking it off with him last may to do my discernment and that now, with everything that has happened to him, he's not ready for a commitment. of course, being a guy, he also made it clear that he wasn't ready for a commitment but he'd be happy if: (1) i could be there for him when he needs me to do stuff for him like pick up shirts at robinson's manila and bring them to where he is; (2) be all sweet and touchy-feely with him when he feels like it; and (3) allow him to pursue other women.

well, considering that he was a pretty horrible kisser (even if you factor out the bitterness and all that, i must say, he is, at best, a bad kisser, and i'm being kind when i say that), what have i got to say? HELL NO.

incidentally, notwithstanding yesterday's horrible non-date, i was able to salvage my day somewhat. last night, early morning really, i spent hours chatting with a friend. we declared ourselves best friends after we both discovered we like our corned beef "souped-up" with a little water but "broke up" soon after we realized that we like our tilapia cooked differently.

for a really good friend

i know you'll never get to read this, but let it never be said that i never wrote about you here.

sometimes, even someone as talkative as i am run out of words. as i was working this afternoon, this song played over my ipod and it struck me, this is exactly how i feel about you.

I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground.
I'm getting to like this feeling I've found.
I'm getting to love
The thought of having you around;
And I will never let you down.
- Never Let You Down, Verve Pipe

i'm a list person. ever since i read the book 43,000 things that make me happy, i've made a list for almost everything i can make a list for: things i want to buy, things that cheer me up, things that i need to accomplish, things i want in life.

and, while surfing a job online, i found this.

and, in true rosa fashion, i made my own list.

hopefully, i can achieve them all.

the primary thing that would make me regret not accepting the position is that working there means i'll get to see this man on a regular basis.

i just want to be REAL lawyer. the kind that goes to court. the kind that dresses up. the kind with a briefcase and meets with clients and actually gets to shout "i object!"

i love the court of appeals, don't get me wrong. it's just that i'm 30 and single. now, i think, is the perfect opportunity to immerse myself in a job that will eat up every single minute of my life. if i don't do this now, when will i take the hectic law firm life plunge?

now i'm in a fix. on an impulse, i applied for a law firm, went on the scheduled interview, and i actually got accepted. the compensation's pretty much the same i'm getting now but the experience that i'm bound to get from working there is the big come on. i WANT to take the job. but they want me to start by NOVEMBER. now THAT is going to be a problem.

i need to make a decision by monday. and now, my biggest fear is making the wrong decision.

there is no way on earth i could have had a worse day than yesterday's fx driver

first, in an attempt to get through the bfrv/casimiro traffic, he counter-flowed and went into the oncoming lane. unfortunately got caught in the traffic light before being able to cross the intersection and before being able to squeeze the fx back into the proper lane. so we got caught by the las pinas police.

second, one of the passengers belatedly informed the driver that she wanted to get off at buendia. he berated the passenger for telling him only as we were about to go over the fly-over. since the passenger was no pushover, she engaged him in a verbal tussle which lasted until we got to the quirino traffic light. in the beginning, he attempted to remedy the situation by immediately moving to the right shoulder as soon as we got off the fly-over but the girl would have none of it. so, he offered to drop her off when the fx got to kalaw cor. taft avenue. he even offered her ten bucks so she can board an fx back to buendia. no can do, the girl argued. she wants enough money so she can take a cab (imagine!) back to buendia. by the time we got to quirino, the driver was ready to kick her out of the fx so he offered her what she paid him (PhP35) and demanded that she immediately disembark the fx. fine, she shouted back. unfortunately, the left side passenger door (where she was nearest) wouldn't open. it took so long (eventually the passengers in the middle row disembarked one by one in order to allow her to get off the fx and went back in one by one) that we got caught by manila traffic police.

that was the third strike.

by then, he didn't care what happened to him and his license. i think he must have left his license (or the receipt the las pinas police gave him for his license) with the manila police.

and so, from then on, i made a resolution: nothing could be worse than what happened to my fx driver. all that, in the course of an hour. he must've really gotten off the wrong side of the bed that morning.

right now i am watching kc's paris special ... clearly i am indulging in my KC Concepcion addiction. i remember being so into her a couple of years back (when she turned 18, i think) and she cut her hair short - i liked her so much that I cut my own hair, prompting people to tell me to slay whoever made me look that way.

anyway, congratulations to everyone who hurdled the four gruelling weeks of the bar examinations - pass or not (but hopefully pass), you've done something way more than others have even attempted. so chin up ... and keep in mind that taking the bar is 50% of the difficulty. waiting for the results is the next 50%.

and so today marks the day when i made actual steps towards achieving something i've always wanted to do: be a real lawyer, the kind the appears in courtrooms, dressed to kill, and saving (or so i'd like to think) the futures of people who have been wronged one way or the other.

wish me luck.

taongbayan na lang siya sa dula ng buhay ko

and so thus went the text i sent a couple of friends last friday, in effect announcing the demise of a year-and-a-half long crush i had over this guy, better known in this blog as pldt boy.

the term taongbayan actually came from an anecdote g shared with us once about her sister. apparently, one day, her sister came home from school quite excited to share with her family that finally, after all those years of not being included in school plays, she was part of one. their mom then asked, ano role mo, anak. then g's sister promptly, and quite proudly, replied, taongbayan! so, okay, role na pala yun.

anyway, recently people who've held top billing in my life have begun being mere extras for one reason or another. maybe i've matured in my taste (highly unlikely, and i'm quite sure of that, for reasons i will not share in this blog). or maybe it's just that when people's cameo roles become less frequent, you begin to get numb to the former pain that comes from not having that person around until the time comes that you realize, maybe it wasn't as important as i first thought.

i don't know. what i do know is that the feeling's akin to the scales falling off my eyes (biblical reference right there, if you didn't notice) and realizing, probably for the first time, that there's more to life than the love and hurts that alternate deep within me.

on a less dramatic and significantly happier note, the past weekend was spent in a retreat (i am now more centered, i think, which is the biggest reason for the scales-falling-off-my-eyes incident of late) and hanging out at my aunt's house. dsl, as usual, means downloading music and so buffy, my ipod mini, has 21 additional new songs, including guns & roses' november rain, a song i used to love (and realize i still love) to bits. i don't know how it looks like to those people who see me through my non-tinted windows but i must say my recently played songs playlist which, for reasons known only to me contains a weird mix of glam rock + heavy metal + yeng constantino's time in + sharon cuneta + songs you'd probably hear at 94.7 + alternative music, makes me happy, especially when i can sing along to the song.

when i make it back there, i'm going to download my secret favorite, queensryche (remember silent lucidity? *sigh*) and ruin it by adding britney to the mix (i do love the early britney. remember that cute mtv where the dancers formed a heart?) in the past, my eclectic taste in music has brought great woe to buffy who, after being loaded with toto, eraserheads, and peter cetera in one session, refused to stay charged for more than an hour and kept dying on me.

but then, buffy's seen me through two bar examinations, numerous sleepless nights, and long trips to baguio and pandan island. buffy's also been there for me, whether i be driving or commuting, and for every single moment of waiting mindlessly. save for that short while where buffy choked on me, its held up pretty good to the assault of music i've been giving it for the last couple of years. i gues it wouldn't mind the fresh assault.

lastly, i'm having lunch with someone, wait, two someones, i don't know tomorrow. well, i actually sort of know one of them (cousin of a former classmate who used to work for the court of appeals but now works for the supreme court), albeit the only thing i know about him is that he makes great turon. we bumped into each other this morning and he said, why don't we have lunch sometime, i have a friend who wants to meet you and so i said, sure, not really believing he'd follow through the invite. but then after lunch he actually texted and extended an invite for tomorrow (well, actually later, it's 1:42 am already) so me and a friend (nice of him to say i can bring a friend) are having lunch with him and his friend.

ok. i gotta go sleep. i can't fall asleep on the soup over lunch, can i?

p.s. keith, i've to tell you something. hope i catch you online soon.

with the exception of sharon cuneta, gary v, and the eraserheads, buffy, my ipod mini, is practically bereft of music by filipino artists. it's not that i've got anything against opm, in fact i used to imagine that the song "tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka" was specifically written for my and my then-crush, FC. but then since there were hardly any OPM cds at home and downloading them is more difficult than, say, downloading coldplay and guns & roses, buffy pretty much stayed 95% OPM-free.

then i saw yeng constantino's mtv of "time in" at myx and i read the lyrics. it was cute, it was perky, and, although i'm probably ten to twelve years older than her, i immediately resonated with the music.

here's the video. enjoy it as much as i did.

ideally, the movie 1408 should've worked. it had all the elements - at least from the trailer - of a great movie: john cusack, lifted from stephen king (one of my favorite authors), and enough scaries but without the "ring-like" crawling character (which, IMHO, has pervaded all horror movies since she first came out. case in point: OUIJA, which i absolutely hated.) i was so enthralled with the trailer that i actually "forced" a friend to watch it with me.

THE MOVIE WAS A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT. the premise was simple: room 1408 (1+4+0+8=13 ergo scary) is not really haunted (so says the hotel manager) but evil. john cusack's character is not afraid of ghosts, creepy crawlies, or anything of that sort but writes about these things and (at least from what i gathered) pretends that these things exist so as to scare his readers. he then books the room, has a tiff with the manager who does not want him to check-in said room, and eventually gets the room. fifteen minutes later (real and movie time), he calls the front desk and wants to check out simply because (a) he got spooked by the turn-down service of the ghost and (b) he hurt his hand when the window slammed down on it.

ok. that alone was weird. a guy who insisted that he got rid of all his fears at the age of twelve (as narrated to the hotel manager during their tiff) gets spooked out fifteen minutes after getting inside the room?

anyway, it's still showing though, at least here at robinson's place manila it is. if, like me, you will insist on seeing the movie even after people have given it awful reviews, then go see it for yourself. after all, we humans are real suckers for pain.

after the horrible time i had last week, i am proud to say that i am entering this week renewed, refreshed, and ... unfortunately, totally not wanting to go to work.

all sloth aside, my long weekend was nothing short of wonderful. friday and saturdays nights i spent at edsa shangri-la in the company of my aunt since she was in town attending a conference (me? i bummed and watched television the entire day, notwithstanding the fact that there were two malls within walking distance). i also finally met up with THE vanessa valdez (if you've watched a hit movie recently, you'll know who she is) to catch up on kwento and what-not.

after my aunt went back to cabanatuan last sunday, i hied off to my other aunt's house in quezon city supposedly to do my laundry (they have the most amazing automated washing machine). unfortunately, it rained the entire day yesterday totally preventing me from doing my laundry and forcing (yea right!) me to download game after game and play them until the computer begun showing signs of wear and tear. i also made it to the mall (finally!) where i got to buy the elusive watch (my "fake" watch era is finally over. unfortunately my "real" watches have all stopped.) i've been yearning for for the last couple of weeks. and after that, well, i played some more.

now it's 9am. i promised myself i'd make it to work early so that i'll have parking for myself (parking has become horrible recently). but sloth took over, and downloading is totally addicting.

but, lest you say that i am precisely the reason why justice is delayed, i'm moving my fat, lazy ass now and rushing off to work.

see you all soon!

right now i'm so full of hate it can't even be called angst anymore.

unlike before where writing about it helped appease my anger, now i don't think that would suffice. let's just say that the last couple of days have taught me that: (1) the private sector can just be as horrible as the government meaning that there are a LOT of incompetent people walking out there (read: Dr. Carlos Alcala at LPDH - i say avoid him at all costs if and when you get hospitalized there and Mimi/Myrna from the HR Department of Convergys) and (2) apparently, working for UA&P has upped the ante for me in terms of what it means to "work".

anyway, if there's one good thing about the entire experience, i learned that if you don't have your philhealth number, you can call them (just have your SSS/GSIS number ready) and they can give it to you. wow. for once the government came through for me.

well, tonight i'm off to Edsa Shan for a couple of nights with my aunt. hopefully that'll mean detox for me -- the mean part of me wishes i didn't tell my brother because right now i am a bit infuriated with him for a LOT of things.

(finally, we're eating. bye.)

just got home from my first local movie premiere and can i just say that my inner jologs came out of the closet, full force.

i think, wait, i KNOW i embarrassed my friends.

pictures and other stuff to follow.

thanks, van. and tj, i may have missed you this time, but beware. i WILL have that picture taken with you.

when you're unable to make it to a birthday celebration for whatever reason, good friends generally understand.

great friends, on the other hand, make sure you're able to "join" the celebration one way or the other.

they'd have good food delivered at your doorstep.

hawaiian pizza cause it just happens to be your favorite, especially if your favorite pizza flavor happens to have been one of the first things you discussed a long, long time ago when you first became friends.



pasta, after all it's a birthday party and noodles are a must (for long life, of course).


from me to you, a huge thank you very, very much. all that food made me a happy, happy girl.



happy birthday. and, in order to thank you for one of the sweetest gestures anyone has done for me, i'm keeping a promise i made a long, long time ago. ironically, the drawing's quite appropriate under the circumstances, don't you think?

happy birthday, crazy boy

i bet if you knew how complicated our friendship would be, you would never have picked up the phone last february 15, 2005. but you did, and the rest, as the cliche goes, is history.

two and half years of friendship. two and half years of generosity: soupy snacks, maty's tapsilog, corned beef for four sunday mornings, with lovely pencil pictures to go with the breakfast, and a lovely nine west bag all the way from the US. two and a half years of patience: phone-e-oke, and we all know how horrible i sing. two and a half years of being spoiled: that shoe calendar i wanted, a huge bag of peanut m&ms which i requested, and him not only delivering my hotel reservation fee to UP but bringing me a box of cello's chocolate donuts which he picked up on the way home.

on birthdays, people are supposed to get presents. but what do you do when the celebrant himself is the present that keeps on giving?

well, for one i'd take out total eclipse of the heart from our phone-e-oke selection. and i'm really, really, really going to try to be nice to you and give in to you, even if it be only for a week. and maybe, i'd finally post something you've wanted me to put up for the last two years.

happy birthday, crazy boy. i don't have to tell the whole world exactly how i feel about you, but since it's your birthday...

i hate you.

you know exactly what that means. :)

wonderful discoveries!

1. Mrs. Field's Peppermint Creme Sticks
If you're a peppermint and dark chocolate fanatic, this will make you happier than a pig in mud (not exactly a pretty sight, but effective visualization.) Each box contains around fifteen sticks, each stick a little fatter than a mongol pencil and a little shorter than your pinky (well, at least my pinky). Each bite is quite heavenly and with the really strong flavors, you wouldn't really need to consume a whole box to get your sugar fix. It's about 80 bucks per box, not bad considering that the product is really yummy.

2. advan wellingtons a.k.a. rainboots
Know the boots that your friendly neighborhood traffic policeman and mmda wear? well, i'm talking about those, except mine are red. all that rain has destroyed a couple of my favorite shoes due to water damage and i'm not taking it sitting down. faith gave me the idea to get rainboots since they now come out with lovely colors. now, i can splash around metro manila without having to harm my shoes or my feet. now if only advan will come out with a pucci print :) (280 bucks. not bad, huh?)

i don't know how pathetic this is but recently, i seem to be channeling lindsay lohan more and more often.

it's not like i'm stick thin (far from it) or i've been crashing my car everywhere (insurance boy would die from the claims). it's not even cause i've been misplacing expensive bags. it's just that my purchases have to have a lindsay lohan feel to it.

case in point.

my officemates and i, magazine addicts that we are, spied a picture of lindsay lohan in raspberry-colored flats, shorts, and a white tunic top. the result? me purchasing red shoes and a white loose top.

sometimes, we don't even need a picture. gay, as she was on her way to cagayan de oro sent me a message basically to tell me that she has a semi-huge bag, a water bottle and wearing her own version of the lindsay lohan flats.

the result? me wanting to buy a semi-huge bag too to channel lindsay lohan when i go to ormoc this coming october. (incidentally i've bought a semi-huge bag the other day so i am on my way to lindsay lohan fabulousness).

it's funny how with all of her bad publicity, i still surf the net for lindsay lohan pictures. i like looking at her paparazzi shots and checking out what fabulous look she's got going that day. now, i know there's no way a thirty-year old like me can ever channel (and look respectable) a twenty-one year old wild child like lindsay, but at the end of the day, we all can dream, and right now, mine is to be a tame lindsay.

p.s. we were reading another magazine and realized that while people my age list down audrey hepburn, jackie o and the like as their fashion icons, i'm actully picking someone who ends up at the worst dressed list from time to time.

sharon cuneta must lose weight. soon.

don't get me wrong. i love sharon cuneta. in my world, sharon could do no wrong. it's just that as i was watching pinoy box office, i caught the tail end of pasan ko ang daigdig and she was thin. really thin.

and i think back to the sharon i saw on tv last sunday. not thin.

it was then that it dawned upon me. i love sharon so much that i've emulated her weight. and, minus the getting pregnant and marrying before she was legal, i'd like to believe i'm going through the same issues she went through when i was her age: career, love, family, yada yada yada.

so i'm thinking, if sharon finally loses all the excess baggage, maybe i too will lose the weight.

p.s. for the record, i've begun eating cereal (whole wheat cereal, is this me?) for breakfast and i've bought myself a package of instant oatmeal to eat whenever i feel the urge to eat junkfood while working on a case. i've heard people losing weight thanks to cereal and oatmeal. hopefully, one day, i'll be one of those people too.

when i picked my red car, i wasn't really thinking of how attractive it would be when it comes to MMDA and other traffic enforcement officers. but after being flagged down for tiny traffic violations at least once a year since i started driving, i now know better.

anyway, since i started working for the government, i've learned that most traffic enforcement officers will be reasonable once you tell them that you work for the government too. they smile at you, you smile at them, they remind you not to commit the same mistake, you promise not to commit the same mistake, everybody happy.

last friday, though, i met my match.

an MMDA officer flagged me down for apparently being in the wrong lane. i was on the third lane, on my way towards the coastal road when an fx on my right made a left turn, effectively forcing me to ram down on my brakes and let him pass before i could go on my merry way. imagine my surprise when instead of signalling to the driver of the fx, the traffic officer signalled at me.

me, the girl on the third lane.

dutiful citizen that i am, i stopped and gave the officer my license. he then informed me that i was on the wrong lane. i reasoned out, but i was on the third lane. he told me that from first to third lanes you're supposed to make a left and fourth lane outwards go straight. so i argued, if you're penalizing me for not making a left, then you should have penalized the fx driver too for turning left when he was on the fourth lane.

no, he reasoned out. the driver would not have almost hit me had i made a left like him. i was wrong he pointed out. but then, i asked, shouldn't he have gone straight? he said, no, you should have turned left.

it got to the point that he was so pissed at me for reasoning with him (and for probably having a brain, cause, really, you see my point, right?) that he said, if you don't want to believe me, then i'll give you a ticket and you can question it when the time comes.

now, i didn't go through the gruelling debate society trainings, get humiliated in law school, and study for the bar twice to let him get the better of me, especially when his argument was so clearly flawed. so, it was then that i demanded to see his supervisor.

he then gave me a new argument: first to third lanes go left, fourth lane can either go left or straight, and from the fifth lane onwards, straight. now, wait a minute, i told him, now there's a new set of rules? he said, no, it's always been than way. then i asked, but where's the paint on the road? how do i know you're not making this up as we go along.

by this time, he was so pissed at me he even went as far as telling me that he wished i got into an accident so that he could have made out the report and i would have seen how i was in the wrong. i told him i realized i may have been wrong but i am not about to accede to the fact that the fx driver wasn't wrong simply because they said so. and, absent any markings on the road, how am i to believe that he's not making the rules up as we go along?

at the end of the day, i was able to talk to his superior who was clearly more reasonable than he was. i explained my position and the faulty reasoning of the other officer. i also told him that absent any arrows on the road, how am i to know where i'm supposed to be when, in a five-lane road, the third lane usually can go straight already?

reasoning (and brains) will always win out in the end.

i got my license - no ticket mind you - and left the other officer huffing and puffing as he made his way back to his post hoping to catch some poor person who he can scare into submission.

incidentally - in the event you get caught, REFUSE to allow them to write down "reckless driving" as your violation. this merits the highest penalty and once you've had three violations, they can suspend your license. force them to be specific in writing down your violation and if they're unable to, challenge them. you don't actually have to pay the fine immediately. if you read the back of the ticket, you can actually challenge the legality of the ticket at a hearing specifically scheduled for that.

fugly

that's how i feel. after almost two years of evading the uniform issue, i now have to wear one.

well, not at least until august. or september. or october. maybe if i keep my fingers crossed, not until november?

i don't care. all i know is that while the pants fit me well, i'm stuck with tops that are too short on me and are a bit wide. makes me feel like a teapot if you ask me. hopefully, the guys who made my uniform will be able to fix it and when i actually have to wear them, i'll look halfway decent.

but i'm telling you now that if i end up alone, single, and horribly obese ten years from now, i'm not blaming myself. i'm blaming the uniforms they're making me wear.

never trust your brother to pay the bills. or at least trust him when he says "just reimburse me for the cable payments so i can get the points in my credit card." chances are, you'll wake up one day and realize you don't have cable anymore.

there was a time when my brother used to handle the money around the house. then, he hooked up with this chick and stopped living at home for a while, so i decided it would be better if i took care of it. i opened a bank account, enrolled all the bills, and religously made a trip to an atm machine once a month to make the necessary transactions.

i do it for meralco and pldt phone bills. i used to do it for cable, too, until my brother volunteered to handle the payments himself.

so, monthly, the bills would come and i'd ignore them. they're getting paid, i smugly though to myself.

this morning i woke up and, since my routine dictates i do this, searched my room (v. v. messy room) for the remote control and opened the television.

blue screen.

ah, i always get reception problems with etc and etc second avenue, i told myself, maybe this is just it. i then changed channels. channel 2. i ALWAYS get channel 2.

blue screen.

my once sleepy self then jumped out of bed and searched for the cable bill which, all this time, had been innocently staring up at me from a table in the living room. turns out we hadn't paid cable in months and there was a disconnection notice already. and we have to pay TODAY or our cable will be cut off.

so, first thing i'll do is to make the necessary payments. and, hopefully, the absence of cable is just a glitch. it did say on the bill we have to pay on or before today so i have until midnight to make the necessary payments before they disconnect my cable. anything before that and i might have to litigate my first personal case soon.

i've turned into an insomniac and i blame abs-cbn's games uplate live.

i've never had any problems sleeping. save for a couple of days here and there, sleep comes to me like money to donald trump. so the fact that i've been wide awake at night for the last three weeks can only be explained by one thing: games uplate live.

i used to catch it after i'd arrive home from lingkod. there'd be this perky girl and i'd be amazed at her ability to have fun all by her lonesome. i admired her for being so perky so late into the night. in spite of these, i never thought of actually spending time watching her.

but then one night, i did. i was so into it that i actually registered, downloaded a ringtone (i think), and actually waited for them to call me. they never did, but i ended up being an addict.

i've watched it every single night since. and, while i have never succumbed to the temptation of downloading again, i have yet to sleep before 2a.m. since i began watching that damn show.

who knew that a missed call on my phone would make me happier than moses? (of course i don't really know if moses were really happy, but must've been, right? he did part the red sea.)

see, i had dinner at a friend's house and i left my phone in the car. when i got back, i checked my phone and there it was: one missed call from the boy i love.

now, ever since that valentine non-date and ever since he's sort of stopped talking to me, i've deleted his number from my phone. i'm like that - i delete people's numbers either to (1) forget them or (2) stop getting in touch with them or initiating conversation which would, eventually, lead me to forget them. under the circumstances, it was perfect right? of course, i eventually learned the reason for his disappearance in my life and i've since learned that he considered talking to me about it but didn't but neither of these newly-discovered evidence led me to save his number in my phone again.

but then again, i did recognize his number, so, so much for deleting, right? anyway, i'm digressing.

when i saw his number on my phone screen, my overactive imagination rose to the occasion and came up with a million and one scenarios. for lack of material space and time here are a few:

1. he wanted to resume going out.
2. he wanted to apologize for disappearing. then he'll ask me out.
3.he realized he liked me. a lot. then he'll ask me out.
4. he realized he loved me. a lot. as much as i love him. maybe more. then he'll ask me out.

obviously, you get the drift - everything leads to him asking me out.

after i've gotten my voice to normal pitch and my heart stopped hyperventilating, i pressed call and his phone started ringing.

boy i love: rosa?
me: you called.
boy i love: i did?
me: yes. i got a missed call from you.
boy i love: must've pressed it by mistake.
me: (to self) NOOOOOOO!
me: (to him) oh.
boy i love: what time was this?
me: i didn't check.
boy i love: ok. take care going home.
me: (to self) aren't you going to ask me out at least?
me: (to him) you too. bye.
boy i love: bye.

gawd. how pathetic.

i sould've just texted him. or i should have ignored him altogether. if it were really important, he would've called again, right? and to think i had been so good at avoiding him for the last five months!

so i was happy for a grand total of two minutes. and the rest of the way home, i hit my head on the window over and over again at the thought that i was insanely stupid for having made a huge deal over nothing.

i broke my havaianas

yes, you read that right: i broke my havaianas. my 2 1/2 year old white havaianas.

i've never been a havaianas fan. in fact, i only have one pair and the only reason why i actually have a pair is that my ex-boyfriend for some reason bought them for me as one of my christmas gifts for 2004. i've never really loved them as they ought to be loved, but i liked them. for one, they make packing easy as they can be worn everywhere - from the mall to church to the beach to the bathroom to bed - without anyone criticizing your choice of footwear. and, since mine are white, they basically go with everything. so, together with my trusty tommy hilfiger duffel bag, my white havaianas were a travel staple.

today, i wore them out. i had several things on my to go to list: salon for a body scrub and massage, my parish for a visit to the blessed sacrament, and lastly, to the mall to buy presents. they're going to be perfect, i thought: ok to get wet at the salon and in case it gets wet, easy to slip off when i go inside the blessed sacrament, and perfect for all that walking i'll be doing while i hunt for the perfect gifts. in my mind, i had made the perfect footwear choice for the day.

except that after the shower i took at the salon, with me unable to wash off the oil from the body scrub, my foot didn't exactly stay inside the flip flop and it slipped a bit. the strap stayed firmly on though. however, after my massage, with my feet slippery with oil i was unable to wipe off, my foot slipped again and this time, the strap gave. at first i thought it was just a case of the strap being removed from the bottom part of the flip flop. upon closer inspection, i realized that the straps of my havaianas have cleanly snapped in two.

my havaianas are now dead.

with no other footwear in the car save for my fake yellow havanas and my teal driving shoes, both of which would not only clash with my orange shirt but also aren't good enough to be worn outside my car or in cases of extreme emergency, i had to go home and find something else to wear. being the shoe addict i am, it wasn't hard to find a replacement. but then i realized, i had lost my perfect pair of flip flops. what am i going to wear now to the beach? what am i going to pack next time i head out of town? what do i wear now when i'm too lazy to think of shoes and the most, or the best, i can do fashion-wise is to slip on my havaianas?

i don't know.

i never thought i'd feel this way but i realized, damn, i have lost one of the greatest things in my shoe cabinet. it was like losing a boyfriend you don't exactly love but are comfortable with. it was like growing out of your emergency jeans - that pair that isn't your favorite but is good enough to wear when your favorite happens to be in the wash.

i am seriously thinking of buying my first pair of havaianas. it shouldn't be too hard, right?

today, the government gave us money. like any hot-blooded working girl my age, i wanted to spend the money at the mall.

i wanted crocs. crocs and a bag. i wanted pink crocs that looked like ballerina flats for when it rains. i reasoned out to myself that it'll save me oodles of money since my good shoes won't have to be ruined by the rain so long as i can always change into my crocs. i reasoned out so well that by the end of lunch, gay wanted crocs too.

i wanted this brown woven bag too. fake woven really. more like they stamped the woven pattern on the leather. anyway - i'm clearly getting ahead of myself - i've been seeing the bag on display for the longest time and i've always found it pretty and thought it was expensive until today. it actually only costs 587 bucks.

true to rosa form, i began imagining myself with the bag. and since the bag is huge, i imagined my crocs inside the bag. i imagined going to ormoc (of course i don't have a ticket yet) and having said bag slung on my shoulders. inside would be a bottle of water (to complete the jet setter look) and products, probably moisturizer and what not. i imagined coming home from boxing and there'd be gloves sticking out a bit and a gorgeous guy would ask me, so, you box?

i imagined so much i was only able to type two pages worth today. forget the fact that i had finished reading the records and doing research. clearly my mind was unable to do anything more than contemplate on my possible purchases.

then, again true to rosa form, by the time i was able to leave work and actually make my way back to the mall, i had talked myself out of the crocs (i wouldn't really get to use them) and the bag (too big, and it's not like i have space for it in my closet). what's sad though is that in my desire to forget all about said bag and crocs, i spent roughly the amount i would've spent for the bag at pancake house (uber comfort food, rosa style), national bookstore (uber comfort activity, rosa style), and the grocery (i needed cheetos. i couldn't get the bag, the least i can do is get junk food in my system).

on hindsight, i realized that i - and my diet - would've been better off had i just bought the bag. clearly all those calories were designed to make me forget bypassing the bag.

and you know what's the saddest part of it all? there's a possibility that when i pass by the store window again tomorrow, i'd feel the need to purchase the bag and i'd actually succumb to it.

i need ...

... cheap tickets to tacloban. i found out last week that someone backed out of lingkod's nltc this year at my branch so i get to go. the sad thing is that the cheap fares ended last week. of course, i can go buy fares at the regular rates but then that would go against everything i believe in. rosa, buy something at list price???? no. no. no.

i want ...

... a pussy cat dolls cd. i've been wanting it since last week. i blame the reality tv show and that choreographer there who made dancing "hot stuff" so fun looking. i've gone to a record shop but i couldn't get myself to pay P325 for four songs (i only know/like four songs from the album). maybe a pirated one?

i bought ...

... three new pairs of shoes. well, three pairs of shoes and a bright yellow pair of fake havaianas. i blame the rain of course. last thursday i didn't bring a car to work cause i wanted to save money to buy this lacoste bag i saw last week. bad idea. i got caught in the rain and had to wade in ankle deep running water - in heels. since i had to meet friends for dinner, i bought fake havaianas so i didn't have to walk around the mall in soaking wet heels.

good if i ended there, right?

well, celine had a sale so i bought another pair. and the shoes i've always wanted at nine west were being sold at P595 so i had to buy those too right?

and while i was wearing one of my new pairs yesterday, i saw red patent leather ballet flats on sale (yes - as i said, i don't buy anything retail), and true to form, i whipped out my wallet and bought the pair.

so i can't buy the tickets i need and the cd i want but i can always shell out money for shoes. frankly, that's a bit sick already.

well, not that sick. i still am talking about me, after all.

it's monday. while the rest of the working population have found their way to work, i'm still here, at my aunt's house, slumming.

justice - the concept, not the person - can wait. when you're in a mood as foul as i am in (no, i'm not pmsing), sometimes it's better to just stay out of the office for a while and wait until things have settled down inside you. otherwise, you'd end up forgetting concepts such as substantial justice and just dismiss petitions left and right for failing to comply with a teeny-tiny procedural requirement, say forgetting to note why personal service wasn't resorted to.

considering i had a lovely weekend, i'm not supposed to feel this way at all. i mean, i went to island cove with my ag, i met up with vanessa, carmi, shereen (tama ba spelling?) and direc cathy to give insights about break-ups (now we all know i have had a lot of those!) for a bea movie (i am a huge fan), and now i'm at my favorite aunt's house. it was fun, it was crazy. tiring, very, but fulfilling. sure beat my earlier plan of just sulking at home and watching sex and the city dvds, right?

but now, i simply don't have it in me to go to work. were it not for the fact that i'm meeting up a friend at UP manila later, i'd probably feign some illness (say, PMS?) and spend the day at home. after two years, i'm back to my old self - struggling to find the energy and drive to work.

It's official. We're not on speaking terms.

"We" being me and ex-amazing boy who I befriended, notwithstanding all the nasty rumors that were circulating about him, the boy I sorta dated even though I wasn't really supposed to, the boy who - please judge me not - drives a car that I've wanted to buy since I first laid eyes on it four years ago.

It was Friday night and it was supposed to be an all-sisters activity at Lingkod. See, once in a while all the Metro Manila branches of Lingkod will have a get-together, brothers and sisters altogether or brothers only or sisters only. I've managed avoiding these activities entirely - I don't really know people from the other branches - until some of my friends have convinced me that I have to stop being anti-social and start meeting Lingkod people. So I did, and at the last one I attended, I met ex-amazing boy. Since we've stopped seeing each other, I thought, I'd avoid these again. But since I knew that it was going to be all-sisters, I made an appearance.

Bad move. Clearly, it was wrong of me to have been so smug so soon.

Cause at the end of it, while I was chatting with some sisters at the parking lot, I looked up and there he was. There he was and obviously ignoring me.

So what if the agreement not to date because of SOL was mutual and so what if at the back of my head, there was this nagging thought that he wasn’t right for me? What if there was some small (no. huge most likely) part of me that still pines for PLDT boy every single time I see him. What if he once texted me that his roll number was “prettier” than mine cause all of his numbers were “add” numbers (gasp.). I didn’t care. Clearly, this boy who wasn’t talking to me, this boy who mocked me for talking to him after I’ve started my SOL (we’re not supposed to be distracted, hence being apart and not seeing each other and everything else), this (grrrrr) evil ex-amazing person may not be seeing or talking to me but was willing to allow himself to be “distracted” by picking up the sisters of) his branch from the sisters' activity. And to think that lout once told me he hates having to ferry Lingkod sisters around.

It was enough to kill my self-esteem, drive me to bed depressed and despondent, and to spend an entire morning watching sex and the city - the end of season two and the beginning of season three where Carrie had just broken up with Big and was depressed, depressed, depressed. Watch Sex and the City and eat bar after bar of chocolate.

Anyway, I'd want nothing to do than stay inside and purge myself of my demons - or demon pertaining to ex-amazing boy - but I've got something with my AG. I don't want to go anymore but then again, 24 hours of women bonding, probably a whole lot of junk food and chocolates, and the possibility of doing a PCD song at videoke, who knows. Maybe THEY'LL be the one to force the demons out of me. Ex-amazing boy included.

(the picture has nothing to do with the post at all. but in the spirit of "moving on" and "making myself feel better about myself", on the off chance he actually finds this blog, i want him to realize what he's missing. on second thought, it's so presumptuous to think he'll miss me once he sees the picture. kapal ko talaga.)

from the ultimate high that came from passing the bar almost three months ago, i've almost forgotten the fact that i'm actually a lawyer now. in fact, someone turned to me a couple of weeks back and said, "you're a lawyer, right?" and i almost said the line i've been saying for more than a year: "i took the bar but i'm still waiting for the results." that's when it hit me again: yup, i am a lawyer.

since i'm still doing exactly the same job at exactly the same place for exactly the same pay (they have yet to adjust my salary, hate the personnel department of the court of appeals, i swear), there's absolutely nothing that'll make me feel the immense shift that has just taken place. heck, i even sit at my old desk (lawyers usually stay in a separate room but i didn't move, go figure). given all of these things, i am slowly beginning to ache for a change, a major change.

it doesn't help that my batchmates keep emailing job offers at various law firms. so, while money has never (ok, fine, almost never) been my consideration at picking a job, now, the zeroes at the end of a salary quotation and the word "bonus" "17 months" and "allowance" have begun making my eyes as round as saucers and my mind mentally compute how these things will translate in terms of shoes and bags. and when they do complain about the long hours, the lack of a personal life, and the horrible experience of dealing with guilty clients, i'm thinking "imagine being bored, broke, and facing dusty rollos day in and day out."

clearly, i am so ready to make a change.

but then again, maybe not yet. right now, i am totally basking in the fact that i am still at home - and have yet to take a bath and prepare for work - at 8 am and totally not worried about being late for work. now, how many lawyer positions can give you that?

seven and a half hours.

that's how long it takes to turn my hair into something that my ultimate crush would say "nice" to.

what's dumb though was that since the entire process took seven and a half gruelling hours, i was left with only three short hours to flutter my eyelashes and do the high school pa-cute thing in front of me. now, considering that we were at an event where (1) pa-cute antics are highly discouraged; (2) one of his crushes danced, sang, and generally wowed the world with her sheer talent and beauty; and (3) a hundred and fifty other people who would, at one time or another, demand his or my attention, the only thing that he did get to say was "nice" and the hateful joke that people say when you do something to your hair, "sh-in-ampoo mo lang yan?"

i swear. if i become rich enough, i'd take out an injunction against anyone using that line. it trivializes the 7 1/2 hour process. (and i'm willing to be that those commercial girls had to sit in a salon the same amount of time to get their hair looking like that too. the gall to claim it was all the work of a miraculous shampoo.)

moving on, it really did take that long. being as poor as i am with estimating time as i am with estimating parking space, i ended up being three hours late for the event i was supposed to attend. i could've sworn that the last time i subjected my hair - and myself for that matter - through the same kind of torture it only (only! ha, i make me laugh) took me five hours.

now of course the torture doesn't end there. there's three days of water-free existence for my locks (i pity the drone who'd have to sit beside me in an fx), a couple more of shampoo-free days (again, pity for the drone, and my smelly smelly scalp), and my wallet which, after having bled out already, will be suffering more as treatments and other implements are required.

all this for hair that's supposed to look naturally straight, shiny, and attractive. the irony of it all.

so men, the next time someone you fancy (even slightly) appears before you one day with a-little-different-from-normal-in-a-good-way hair, please take time out to say something more than "nice". you never know if she's actually spent half a day stewing on her ass in hunger to look halfway decent.

my dear newbie counsel,

two years of friendship, late night convos. it doesn't take long to know that a soul does find its mate.

love,

adam

when people started raising their eyebrows over the fact that i had taken a position with the government, i shrugged off the concern. after all, i was working with an amazing boss, the pay wasn't half bad (it kept me in shoes and for me, that's enough), and i didn't have to spend every waking hour at work. the uniform was horrible but since i got in after they measured everyone for uniforms, i didn't have to wear them.

life, i thought, was good.

but then right before my dad left, we, together with my brother, had this conversation about my future plans now that i've finally passed the bar. will i go the law firm route? will i do corporate law (everyone in my family wanted me to do this although i absolutely have no talent for it)? will i do HR work (my dream is to work for SM, go figure)? or, gasp, will i stay with the government and continue there until i turn into - insert drumroll here - one of them?

i, of course, defended my decision to stay with the government. forget the fact that i "owed" my boss loyalty considering that she had supported me in all aspects while i reviewed for the bar anew. i believed i was happy and in some perverted way, i believed that the system needed more people like me. i had coasted by law school with a pittance for a tuition fee (P300 per unit, at the best law school) because of government subsidy, so i also believed i owed the government at least a couple of years of my legal career.

recently, however, i've begun to reconsider my decision. partly because we've been recently measured for uniforms and we're due to start wearing them sometime soon and partly because i've realized that nothing i do or say will change the fact that i work for the government and the government can be is the most inefficiently run organization known to man.

people - including me - arrive late. and those who do arrive early, time in, then move on to spend the rest of their morning loitering around the place. people - not including me this time - refuse to do anything beyond what they believe they should be doing. and the lines at the bundy clock thirty minutes before they can actually clock out - so true. (footnote: this really bewilders me. i mean, why would anyone want to actually spend half an hour standing in line in the heat when they can be sitting inside an airconditioned office room?)

and god forbid you slightly offend anyone by asking "who's in charge of doing -insert task here-?" apparently, they're not too big on accountability in the government. on the contrary, the mantra of most government employees - at least in the personnel department of where i work - is "wait until we get to you. not a peep until then. otherwise, you are deemed mean and offensive and hurtful."

so while i treasure the long lunches, the relaxed schedule, and my boss , i've seriously begun considering going back to the private sector. the pay, most definitely, is a major consideration. but more than that, i am so looking forward to working at a place where things get done when they're supposed to be done, where professionalism is the norm, and where hurt feelings aren't used as a currency.