robert jordan is dead

okay, it's been a month since he passed away but i only found out now.

i also found out from reading his site that robert jordan was just a pen name.

my brother texted me and at first, i refused to believe him. he can't die, not when there's only one book to go in the series. his wife, harriet, has said one word to his fans: ONWARD. here's me, thirty minutes after finding out that he's passed away, saying, i'm sorry, but i can't. not yet.

i read the eye of the world when i was in my second semester, second year in college. i had taken up running for PE and although there wasn't any classes that day, i did my usual two rounds around the academic oval as "homework" for class. bad idea - i developed an allergic reaction to something, my face swelled to gigantic proportions, and as a result, was stuck inside my dorm room for the day. with no book to read, my roommate, who was into fantasy books big time, handed me her copy of book one of the wheel of time series.

it was a thick book, much thicker than the bestsellers i usually read. but by the second chapter, i was hooked. i had fallen in love with lan, had my guess as to who the dragon reborn was, and had pledged that one day, i will buy my own copy of the books.

a year after graduating from college, at one of national bookstore's annual sale, i bought six of the eight books that were available at that time. today, i have nine out of the eleven. plus the prequel.

throughout the years, i've met fans of the wheel of time, and it was funny cause you can't really tell whether a person might turn out to be a fan. one of my best friends from work, a teacher i apprenticed with, and another roommate, this time when i was in law school already. my mom emailed me once that she was in the house of a friend when she saw one of the kids with the book - it was instant bonding for them when she told the kid that her daughter reads robert jordan too.

there were times that i'd admit having loathed robert jordan. i especially hated books 7 and 8 (i don't think i finished either), and book ten was a major disappointment. but after spying book 11 with two weeks to go before my bar re-take, i found myself unable to resist buying it, and actually promised myself that i'll make time to read the book, piles and piles of reviewers notwithstanding. i actually did, and i loved it. it felt like robert jordan and i were okay again.

i remember when the prequel came out, and book ten was out too. i was still in law school, and i was broke. i wanted both, but couldn't afford either. i'd go to powerbooks to read a little at a time, much to the irritation of my then boyfriend. then one day, on our eigth month anniversary, i think, he handed me book 10. was it pity, or sheer thoughtfulness, i don't know. all that mattered was that now, i have my own copy of book ten.

last month i was spending time with myself when i realized it was day one of national bookstore's annual cut-price booksale. and there it was: the prequel, selling for P65 bucks only. i was so happy i think i sent a message to five different people in my phonebook. i loved it so much - right there and then, after finishing the last page, i prayed for more wheel of time books. i don't care if it never ended, i just wanted more.

but then, now that he's gone, there wouldn't be anymore. i'd never know if rand would go crazy, finally, and who he'd end up with. is moiraine still alive, somewhere? what'll happen to perrin and the people of two rivers? and mat ... you can't help but love mat. what about the white tower and egwene?

i don't know.

my cold-hearted self didn't shed a single tear when my uncle passed away. but today, i did.

thank you robert jordan for the hours of escape that you've given me. although not soon, i'll meet you in another world, and hopefully, you'll tell me how it all ended.