the end of an era

almost two years and two months ago, i said goodbye to my government job and chose to be a "real lawyer." i said goodbye to my RATA, very good friends, 4:30 dismissal, and super affordable shuttle in lieu of expensive parking, long working hours, and crazy clients. in turn, i truly felt how it is to be a lawyer, i got my own office, and a secretary named benny. excited? i was more than excited. i had dreamed of working for my labor professor ever since he inspired me in class. of the many law firms i applied for, this was the one job that i really, truly wanted. so when i got the call for an interview, talo ko pa yung nanalo sa lotto.

so just imagine how it felt like when they hired me. i was so happy i could cry.

and i guess my bosses knew that, hence the extreme surprise that crossed their faces when i finally told them i was resigning.

when i joined the firm, i thought this would be my life. i thought that one day, i'd see my name out in front -- a name partner, the person who makes the decisions, and (hopefully) the person who brings home the big moolah. i had great visions of fixing the docket so that they're more organized, training the non-legal staff to make them more professional, and tapping my entire phone book to get more clients for the firm. when i bagged my first client, i was ecstatic -- finally i was doing not only an employee's job, but also a partner's job.

i never thought that i'd draft a resignation letter and tell them that i want out.

when i spoke with one of the partners and he tried to figure out why i was leaving, i couldn't give him a straight answer. i had a fuzzy idea why i wanted to leave, but i couldn't put into words the million and one emotions that were crossing my mind at any given time. there was a part of me that wanted financial security. another part felt i wasn't really cut out for litigation. i was disappointed in myself that i couldn't really force myself to be an advocate for certain cases. i had a falling out with an officemate. and a million other more thoughts i can't quite put a finger on.

but at the end of the day, it all boiled down to one thing: i don't wake up in the morning looking forward to being at work.

i am thankful that i am single, and i can still afford to jump ship when i feel like it. i am blessed that some company wanted me enough to accede to certain demands and wait for my to complete my thirty-day notice. i'm happy that i'm looking forward to greater adventures as i switch gears and head off a different direction.

a new world awaits on october 1. i hope it'll be bigger, better, and brighter than the one i'm in right now. and if it's not, as long as it's something that i'll look forward to doing each and every single day of my life, then it's good enough for me.