♪♫♪what becomes of the broken-hearted ♫♪♪

pat the pilot and i broke up in 2005, a week shy of what would've been our first year anniversary. needless to say, it was a painful break-up, so while i should've been rejoiced over the fact that i was finally done and over with law school, i was too busy getting over the most gwapo, most ma-porma, winning-est (at least in the looks + car department) boy i've ever called mine.

it took almost forever to get over him, and when i finally did, i dated here and there, entered into one faux commitment after another that i didn't really want to count (out of sheer embarrassment, most likely, hahaha!) but i've never had a "real" relationship, at least, not as far as i was concerned. in any case, and for the record, let's say i'm finally over him.

over the years, he'd call sporadically -- call my landline when he'd need a favor, or just needed someone to talk to, or if he wanted to come over for whatever inane reason. and then when i had my landline cut, he'd call my sun phone, the only line i've kept since we've broken up. i'd see him here and there (one time, i even saw him at EDSA and i told my friends who were in the car with me and they were like, "i wanna see! i wanna see!" thank goodness for dark tint! ☺ not that i'd be embarrassed if they did see him. as i've said, he was hott!!! and gwapo. let us never forget the gwapo part.)

the last time he called was to ask for this favor. and if what i did to his friend was any indication of how i actually felt about him, well, it's clear that at least as of 9 September 2010, i was ready to wash my hands free of the cutest boy i've ever dated.

this year, i finally had the sun line cut. and along with that, i'm guessing i've cut off ties with at least three people i know of. or four. let's just say that i don't know their numbers and the only way they could contact me was through my sun phone and now that it's gone, there was no way they'd be able to get in touch with me unless they stood outside my house and waited for me to get home. then again, i've been known to ignore the doorbell, even when people come bearing gifts, so go figure, right? anyway, out of those four people, the pilot was one of them.

and then came today. i saw him smoking at our street corner. and he saw me looking so i waved. thank goodness for just-came-from-parlor hair + the fact that i was wearing a dress. i was READY. hahaha.

what i wasn't ready for was that he'd drive from the street corner to my house to catch me before i entered the house. and what i wasn't ready for was that he'd invite himself in. and since i clearly wasn't ready for anything, i actually pretended to be the gracious hostess and said, okay, come on in.

and i gave him some of my chocolates. and i offered him food. and i chit-chatted with him. ...

.... and i stared at the wonderfulness that used to be mine. my head was screaming "stupid!" but some addled part of my brain was ignoring the level-headed part and was enjoying the view. so tall! the five o'clock shadow! the smile!

he told me about his crazy schedule. and he told me about his "toys" (his worse than my brother when it comes to gameboys and psps and what-nots). and he explained why he now smokes. and while he was explaining to me how he got that long scar on his left arm, my still addled brain was thinking, "awwww, but you used to be so perfect!"

now, before you get any ideas, (1) i know i'm not going to get back together with him and that he's not entertaining any thoughts of the same nature either; (2) i know that he's an @$$hol3 extraordinaire; and (3) i am pining for some other boy.

but, there are exes you forget, there are exes you wish would fall off the ends of the earth and pass away, there are exes you end up friends with, there are exes you wish nothing but good for.

and there are exes like pat the pilot. *sigh* so wrong, so hateful, so clueless about his self-absorption, so not going to happen again, but just so frigging handsome.