why at the end of the day, i still love my job

yesterday, as i was contemplating on the meaning of life (while watching law and order, ha!ha!), i couldn't help but thinking why am i where i am right now. i mean, my first lawyer job paid better. and my second lawyer job paid better as well. this job, it pays peanuts. seriously. don't believe it when they say the pharma industry pays well. last time i checked, we're in the pharma business and my paycheck says otherwise.

so my car's aircon still hasn't been fixed, notwithstanding that summer is officially here and i lost five pounds of water weight in the sauna-like conditions every time i drive from qc to las pinas.

and i haven't really bought anything fabulous since i got here. anything fabulous i have is courtesy of generous family members who feel sorry for the only lawyer in the family who, for some weird twist of fate, happens to be the poorest family member as well.

as a matter of fact, while i was that girl who was driving a cute car at 25 (on a teacher's salary, no less), i am now that 30++ girl who rides a non-aircon bus from ayala to sucat. a bus that screams "fire! fire!" to attract passengers.

but you know what?

this job doesn't stress me at all. i go to work at 8 and i leave by 5 and i can actually go to sleep without thinking of the million and one things that have yet to be done. when i leave at the end of the day, i'm done with (at least) most of the tasks on my checklist. my boss says "okay!" when i tell her i haven't finished something yet and will get it done as soon as i can manage. they ask me if i'm swamped, or if i'm still okay with the load, or i need any help with the stuff i have to do.

this job allows me to grow (well, hopefully not literally). since i arrived here, i've learned stuff about corporate law, IP practice, valuation procedures, and where to find cheap designer shoes (okay, so this may not exactly be work-related, but i did learn that from my boss and having lovely shoes is a must to boost one's morale and confidence, right?) gwapo boss has encouraged me to learn stuff other than labor law (my greatest passion in life) but, at the same time, has supported all my labor law related shenanigans. i've gone to one in-house seminar last year and will be attending one seminar next week ... and although my budget allocation will be used up by next week's seminar, my boss said that in the event i find one that i like, i can tell her so they'd share their budget with me.

and that picture up there? that's from when we did something for the plant. friday afternoon was v. v. lovely indeed.

i can still remember that sinking feeling after i resigned from the law firm and had to deal with the realization that losing my tax shelter meant losing almost a third of my monthly salary. i think i must've blanched at the thought, and freak out feeling was further bolstered when the partners all kept telling me how good i was at litigation, how with a couple more of years i was going to be at the top of my game, and how -- as i mentioned during my interview with them -- being a litigation lawyer was being a "real lawyer." how can i then, by reviewing contracts left and right, sending out prissy opinions, and taking the minutes of board meetings, consider myself a "real lawyer."

and then the decision to that god-awful case came out and i had to rush the appeal in ten days. i was writing things i didn't believe in. it was labor law, all right, but i hated every single bit of it. i hated the "legal engineering", i hated researching for case law that wasn't there, i hated having to milk more money from the client (who we hadn't properly billed yet and had racked up way more hours than his deposit actually covered), and i hated appeasing the client who i just wanted to shake severely so i'd be able to drive some sense into his addled brain. i was so miserable with the entire exercise that i just wanted to eat one subway sandwich after the other, buy an incessant amount of clothing i might never use, and sleep till kingdom come.

so i may not be as rich as i used to be. and i may have been reduced to taking crazy public transportation every single working day of my life. my heart may be yearning for that LV speedy monogram 35 that i promised to get myself for my 35th birthday (sad, but if i'm riding non-aircon bus, what good will it be that i have a speedy 35 right? it will just probably be viewed as fake, as fake as that lady's neverfull this morning.). but i'm happy. and i'm fulfilled.

and who knows, maybe i won't be this poor once we sell more cough syrup in the future. right, boss?