stuff

remind me to tell you about:

{the most expensive buko i've ever had ... and i don't even like buko}

{basking in shangri-la goodness}

{the reason why i spent majority of my impromptu cebu trip inside the hotel room}

i've an early trip tomorrow, and i'm keeping my fingers crossed it pushes through, that the ferry to bantayan won't be cancelled, and that everything goes as planned.

goodnight world!

the replacement has landed

my first digicam was a casio that i bought because i liked how it looked. one day, i brought it with me to a trip to tagaytay and it wouldn't turn on even if the battery was new. since it was old and didn't exactly take great pictures, i was fine when it died. after all, it was the perfect opportunity to get a new camera.

my dad - my ever-generous supporter and sponsor - offered to replace my camera. it was so funny cause i had to ask him how much he was planning on sending me so that i can get a camera that was more or less the amount of money i'd be receiving. and, when i got the figure, i immediately contacted a seller i had found on ebay and got myself a pink ixus 85is.

i've always wanted a canon ixus and getting that, in pink no less, was a dream come true.

that ixus and i, we went places. i brought it with me to document the most mundane -- like trips to the grocery -- to serious stuff like accidents. it was the camera that i used to take pictures for this blog (albeit not-so-professional and with poor lighting to boot!) and the camera i used on trips here and abroad. i loved it so much and was so satisfied with it that i never thought once of replacing it -- not when my friends all started getting DSLRs, not when new models came out. me and my ixus -- it was love.

and then it got stolen. i swear, i must've condemned the thief (together with zest air) to hell one billion times.

since i can't imagine being without a camera (i know i'm not a photographer, but i like having a camera to document stuff with, okay?), i immediately figured that savings are for times like this and i should get a new camera asap.

since i loved my ixus, i immediately wanted a get another one. but, they were either (1) the same camera, albeit with higher pixels (2) too pink (yes, there's such a thing) or (3) too expensive (i'm kuripot, remember?). i was ready to settle for the two-year-old ixus 95 but since it was "old" i asked about the ixus 105 from the sale seller who had the ixus 95. there was a mere P100 difference in the price so i figured, maybe the 105 is a better deal.

so i ordered, and it was then that the seller told me that his model was an ixy 200f which is the equivalent model from japan. that meant that the default setting would be in japanese. in fairness to the seller, he did inform me about it, and he did say that the settings could be changed anyway. problem is -- and trust me that i know about it as i had once changed the language settings of my nokia phone to thai -- it's pretty complicated to change something back to english if you can't read the menu options to begin with. so that was a no-go.

i then looked for the online seller who sold me the old camera but he didn't have the ixus 95 or the 105. so i tried checking out his other cameras. it wasn't long before i sorta wanted the nikon s3100. it was cheaper, was 14 megapixels, had an aluminum casing, and most importantly, available in pink. so i tried ordering one and while it was available, he didn't have it in pink.

uh-oh. still, after being dropped off by tita celia, lola, and tita jake yesterday, i made a beeline for rob pioneer to buy my camera. or, at least that was what i intended to do. i tried holding the coolpix in my hand but it didn't feel right. and, while the store magically had it in pink, i didn't feel like buying it anymore. a girl is entitled to change her mind, right?

so i went around and searched for models and while doing that, tried reading reviews online using the mall's spotty wifi. i must've looked stupid going around the mall while typing on my blackberry but i was not only desperate, i was super desperate to find the perfect camera for myself.

then i checked out picture city and saw that there was an entire universe of cameras to be had. i thought of the olympus, the GE, the samsung with the dual screen ... all pretty, but not right. then i saw that contrary to my original belief, not all lumix cameras are expensive. for a while, i wanted to buy myself the f3 but because i was getting tired walking around the mall already, i figured, i could go home, research, and then buy the f3 today.

but when i got home and searched the list of my former seller, it turned out that there was this new model, the fh2 which was not only affordable, but also had great reviews. plus it was a lumix, and so many people had been telling me to get a lumix.

bazillions of hours surfing the net for suppliers + texting them + reading online reviews, i had decided that the fh2 camera was for me. and while the search proved super difficult (suppliers either didn't reply to my text messages or didn't have it in stock), i eventually found a seller who was not only nice, but also had a pink lumix in stock. sweeeeeet!!!!!

so, after my makati meeting, i arranged for a meet-up and meet we did and i had myself a lumix fh2. and while i didn't have the opportunity to see it in person prior to purchasing it, i must say it was love at first sight. i loved how it felt "substantial" in my hands, how it was easy to grip, and i know i could sleep at night knowing that the online techies approved of my camera.

while i am still upset over the fact that someone has rummaged through my things to steal my camera and while i definitely miss my ixus, the replacement has landed and i must admit, i am now already in love with it.

i couldn't have asked for a better way to get over the loss of a lovely pink camera

twelve hours ago, i posted about the loss of my lovely pink camera. being in cebu's slice of heaven has all the more highlight the loss, but at the same time, i couldn't think of a better place where i could recuperate from the devastation (all drama aside, it's devastating not only cause i'm disappointed with the airport personnel, but also with my own stupidity) known as i-am-the-victim-of-a-theft.

still, there are trickles of blessing. tita celia lent me her camera and told me i can bring it with me on vacation next week. an awaited call came. and, come on, i'm in shangri-la mactan!

{the aldo aviators, and what shang claims is "the key to a perfect stay"}

of course, i can't help but miss my camera even more -- for the life of me, i can't figure out why this camera does not have a macro setting. frustrating, isn't it?

{comfy and if i weren't in a wonderful resort, i wouldn't mind sleeping all day}

{view from the balcony}

{it's all in the details -- Mangifera Indica with instructions how to slice and eat them}

{sat on a beach chair and devoured the newspaper while basking in the early morning sun}

p.s. a very happy birthday to a friend who i shared a crush with in 4th year high school, a former student, and the friend who willingly brought me to the airport yesterday. none of them read this blog -- haha! -- but a happy birthday nonetheless!

oh bugger

i had a nice post planned. it was supposed to talk about how this was my first solo plane trip. i was also planning on blogging how i felt so alta as i didn't hesitate on paying for the shang mactan airport transfer and how i ended up in a huge van all by myself.

as a matter of fact, i was planning on taking pictures of the van when i found out that someone had stolen my camera from my check-in luggage.

backtrack: i wasn't supposed to check it in, i wanted it to be my carry-on. but, since the ground crew asked me to check it in, i did. and in the flurry of taking out my laptop from the bag, i had forgotten about my camera which i packed together with the charger and the other batteries. and, oh, i didn't have cable ties ready. so, a bag with no locks.

so imagine my surprise when i grabbed the camera pouch from inside the bigger pouch with all the camera peripherals, battery charger, and phone charger and realized i held in my hand an empty case. talagang camera lang ang kinuha.

so there. zest air -- i officially hate you. cebu -- we've started on the wrong foot. and old domestic airport, your bathrooms may be pretty, your wifi may work magnificently. but at least one of your staff is a thief, and not all the tissue and flushing toilets in the world can change that.

the one that *almost* got away

last weekend was a battle of the wills. the trip to dorothy perkins was certainly unplanned, especially taking into account the forthcoming trips (one of which was likewise unplanned, ha!ha!) i will be taking in the next two months. so by the time i stumbled upon goodies at rustan's red tag, well, i wasn't in the best position to actually buy anything anymore.

wait, to begin with, i shouldn't even be buying anything, but what the heck, am good with juggling finances, even if it means i will have to use del fabric softener instead of downy, haha!

in any case, i figured, what are the chances i'd find something amazing in red tag, right? after all, it's a hit or miss place -- once, i lucked upon really cheap shoes, but recently, i haven't had much luck.

then i saw this jersey french connection dress. i didn't think it would fit perfectly, but it did. and it was DIVINE! staring at myself in the mirror, i was like, i have a waistline! i was so excited over the dress that i had to ask the sales attendant to call gay so that gay could weigh in on the dress. and she agreed - it would be the perfect outfit to wear to this certain person's wedding.

the thing is, it was buy one take one. i needed a take one, and there wasn't a suitable take one option. oh there was this top, but it was a wee bit tight (i figured a month of no rice and no junk food could take care of that problem, i hope) and its price was way off the jersey dress, so the take one wouldn't be that great a deal. plus, as i said earlier, i had just plunked down my card for stuff at dorothy perkins. i really should be more prudent.

so i hemmed and i hawed, and i even convinced the sales attendant to send me a text message should this other customer not buy this dress which I had been eyeing. since no text arrived, i figured, oh well, i should just walk away. after all, i had another dress in my closet begging to be worn to that certain someone's wedding. but that would require two months of no rice and no junk food + honest-to-goodness exercise before i fit into it. yes, i have a thing for "dreaming" a thinner me.

but sunday came and i was still thinking about the dress. i was watching episode after episode of big bang theory season 4 and all i could think about was the dress. i went out with friends and all i could think of was the dress. it almost like the feeling you get when you remember the perfect question to ask a witness right after you say, "no more questions for this witness, your honor."

so, i sent a text message to gay to ask her to get it for me. because she was otherwise occupied sunday afternoon (he, he, he, gay!!!) she promised to get it for me monday (okay, fine, it was my fault cause i failed to answer her call when she was confirming the dress size and she had to catch a mass near her place). i was in a bit of a panic though -- what if this dress got away???

but then, it didn't. as of lunch yesterday, the dress is now mine (well, will be mine after i pay gay for it, haha!). and so is the blouse which will require no rice and no junkfood for one week.

so guess who ate nothing but kalabasa for lunch?

the discovery of dorothy perkins

{well, hello, dorothy perkins. so lovely to have met you!}

i don't know whether to be bothered by it or not but i've never been a mango girl. all my friends have at least one mango piece in their closets, and i can name two or three who have more than a handful of mango stuff but me, i have yet to buy something mango for myself.

oh, wait, i have a pair of black mango pumps and a mango clutch, both of which aren't in rotation anymore for reasons i can't think of right now, so there, it's virtually a mango-free closet.

so, you must understand why i wasn't terribly excited with the opening of forever 21. i thought it was going to be yet another place where stuff won't fit me. but then, lo and behold, stuff did, and, boom, i ended up with two tops and one bag from forever 21.

still, it didn't give me the confidence to shop in all those trendy + cheap foreign brands that have been popping up all over metro manila. so, when gay invited me to check out dorothy perkins yesterday, i wasn't so sure. it was either bound to (1) be too small for me or (2) too expensive for my budget.

lo and behold -- they have big sizes. and things were on 50% off. oh wait, in certain cases, things were 70% off. if that didn't spell L.O.V.E. in giant letters, i don't know what else will.

so i made off with a couple of things. had my budget allowed it, i would've probably shopped more, but there's this reminder on my work pc to save, so i attempted to heed the reminder, if only a bit.

{electric pleats ... do they still call it that?}

{loving the dark wash of this denim skirt}

{the eyelet detail on this skirt sold it for me! okay fine, plus it makes me look thinner}

two less lonely people in the world

basking in the joy that can only come with finding a new love, my friend has been tweeting "two less lonely people in the world" almost daily for more than a month now. and while someone else's luck in the love department usually has this way of highlighting how utterly alone i am, i'd like to think that i love this particular friend so dearly, and has been witness to so much of his own heartaches and frustrations in the heart department that i couldn't help but cheer him along each step of the way.

it's crazy how when i was in college, i never expected to be 34 and single, and with no prospects in sight. i can't help but remember how in this interview, a prospective boss asked me if i had plans of getting married and my answer was, "not in the immediate future." maybe i was just too engrossed in pleasing said prospective boss (the HR girl had "tipped" me that she was also single) but with one ovary left and a utterly diseased uterus, i'm beginning to think that me, the girl who dated with a vengeance in college and in law school is truly meant to live the single life.

so, as i was on my way home last night with a couple of friends, i pathetically (because really, it was!) warbled, "one less lonely person in the world," and when asked to explain, i reasoned that with acceptance comes peace. i'd like to believe that i had come to terms that should i have been designated by God to be single for the rest of my life, and i'm fairly okay with it. of course, i knew i'd probably miss out on certain aspects of my fantasy life (yes, i have elaborate scenarios in my head how married life will be like, and it includes a daughter named ava - pronounced ey-va - and a son whose name will be paolo niccolo, and how they'll proudly write their parents' alma matter in their college application forms and how my daughter will be a fourth generation iskolar ng bayan and how my son will probably be some gwapo genius walking around the halls of the ateneo just like his dad) but how can you "miss out" on a life you never had, right?

and ironically, the pseudo-relationships i've had in the past couple of years has left me pretty much frustrated and wanting out within a week after a while. i get frustrated with the roller coaster of emotions, and am torn between being used to doing things for myself by myself and the desire to finally share things with someone. just this week, a friend "introduced" me to his friend and while we haven't officially met yet (it's your good old fashioned -- well not so old fashioned -- textmate. oooh, the shame just kills me!), i'm getting slightly exhausted when he turns into this pretend-whiny person and texts me "huhuhu" when i'm just too busy to reply. clearly, i'm not 18 anymore, and at the end of the day, it's not romance that i'm craving for (although flowers and presents still get to me! haha) but stability, reliability, maturity, and friendship.

yes, there, i've said it. if i were going to get myself a happily ever after, it's going to have to be with someone who i know inside out, someone who i can stand in spite of, say, my dislike for the slacks-and-rubbershoes combo. someone who i would proudly introduce to my family and friends even if i very well know that this person's looks will illicit raised eyebrows. it'll have to be someone who i respect, someone whose judgment i trust, the first person i'd call when something great happens, and the person i know who'd be there if i got into a major accident. it would have to be a good friend.

and, much unlike the lyrics of the song, we're not going to be two less lonely people in the world, cause we were never lonely to begin with. we were complete without each other to begin with. and it's not like we're going to be saying "i just can't believe you're mine" because it's going to be believable because it's a decision made not only with our hearts but also with our minds.

don't hold your breath though, cause i'm not holding mine.

a not-so-WOW! experience

even if i had the money, i don't think i'll ever be the type of person who'd spend a lot of cash on salon services. oh, i do know that there are people who cut hair, and there are people who can give it life. and i also know that there are colorists who can guarantee a marriage proposal within a year. i'm tempted - believe me - to try them out, but much like a massage session at the spa, i can't justify to myself why i ought to spend a whole lot of moolah on something so temporal.

now shoes ... well, that's a different matter altogether.

in any case, because of my prematurely gray hair, i've been a parlor slave for the longest time. and since i have to basically color the roots every three weeks, i've settled for the cheapest parlor around with "okay" services. translation: some hole-in-the-wall parlor frequented by the "natives" in the vicinity. for the past two years, it was this parlor across my friend's house in bf resort. then i switched to this even cheaper parlor near bf's lopez gate. and, for the past two months, it's been DIY for me -- actually a wee bit more expensive (yes, that's how cheap the parlors i frequent are) but at least i'm guaranteed that the hair color i'm using has better quality than whatever it is these cheap-o parlors are using on my hair.

since there's a huge possibility that the back part of my hair isn't being colored properly, i figured that i'd bring the haircolor i bought and have it professionally applied. it might be more expensive, but at least i can get to relax during the application process. and since i'm bound to spend a lot of time in the parlor, i though, hmmm, why not have my nails done as well.

i went to WOW! at the corner of el grande and aguirre avenue and let's just say i had the worst experience ever.

* the girl rushed through the entire mani/pedi session

* they left the hair color way longer than they should have, and since i was at the mercy of the girl doing my nails, i could only pray that she'd actually rush through the procedure so they'd wash the color off already.

* because the hair color was left way too long, my scalp was tingling (if not downright in pain) by the time they washed it. and the girl who did my hair color wasn't any good as a shampoo person. the kept tugging my hair which hurt my scalp a lot -- after all, it was already in pain from all the chemicals.

* when the girl blow dried my hair, she didn't even ask when i parted my hair. she just parted it which, given the 50-50 chance, happened to be on the wrong side.

* she kept telling me "tigasan niyo po yung ulo niyo" so that she'd have an easier time drying my hair.

at that point, i was hungry, tired, and just wanted the ordeal to stop. when i checked my nails (before putting my hand inside my bag to get my wallet), i noticed that the nails which had minor bubbles originally were now truly bubbling up. when i complained, they told me that, "may aircon kasi dito." i was like, "all the parlors i've been too have airconditioning as well and it's never turned out this way." she offered to change my polish but she was so surly about it that i just said, "never mind."

yes, i know you get what you pay for, and i know that i shouldn't have expected much from a WOW! salon to begin with. so while i'm not really complaining about the girl rushing through my mani-pedi, and the less than fabulous way my hair was dried, at the very least, i should be able to expect that they would apply the polish on properly, right?

god's sense of humor

i know my God to be a loving father. after all, everything i enjoy know happens to be the fruit of His generosity.

i know my God to be a forgiving master. i have committed my favorite sins over and over again and yet in His warm embrace i find redemption.

i know my God to be a personal Lord. He knows me inside and out, He knows my weaknesses and my strengths, and He has never failed to speak to me in a language I understand.

my God is a myriad of wonderful things, and today, He showed me that He has a wonderful sense of humor. as i was reading the prescribed scripture reading for today, i couldn't help but laugh at something i read in Proverbs 25: "If you find honey, eat just enough - too much of it, and you will vomit. Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house - too much of you and he will hate you." "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

and, if the first time Solomon uttered the proverb wasn't enough, a couple of verses down, it's repeated: "It is not good to eat too much honey"

yes Lord, babawasan na po ang honey.

samba

there's a rumor going around the office that i'm iglesia ni kristo. it was fueled by the fact that (1) i wear dresses almost every single day of the week (except fridays) and (2) i make a beeline for the door on thursday evenings.

god knows i've told them often enough that i go to tuloy. but, between having to rush out for ag, tuloy, and lingkod three out of five days, i think everyone's confused. plus, i guess it's much easier to simply assume i'm something that i'm not. that's office gossip for you.

{from l to r: ralf, efren, fr. beng, hyna, theo, cathy}

in any case, these are the people who make my thursdays - no matter how tired/busy/lazy/upset/irritated/PMS-y i am - immediately better.

fr. beng, the guy holding the present, is my favorite salesian. he's just so practical, and he loves the kids immensely. i remember approaching him once so that he'd hear my confession and right there and then, he did. it was a bit awkward (i had to bare my soul to a priest i see every week!!!) but it felt good knowing that there's a man of god who's not busy to help you put things right with his big boss. he's also the coolest - he has a repertoire of magic tricks and used to create daily gospel drawings with verses for us to memorize. i'm looking forward to the day that fr. beng performs the sacrament of matrimony for me and ultimate crush, but since that might not happen anytime soon, maybe i should just look forward to him blessing a new car ... which might not happen anytime soon either, haha!

of all the volunteers, i've known kuya ef the longest. while our first tutorial session happened on separate days (i came on a tuesday and he came on a wednesday), we (and another new volunteer) met on a thursday and decided that this was something we all wanted to do on a regular basis. thus began our thursday group. a lot of faces came and went in the intervening years, but this was the group that stayed.

i've experienced highs and lows with this group, and i've visited places near and far. with them, i am nothing but honest and real -- it's so easy to be myself with them, no pretentions, no masks and i'd like to think that in spite of how upsetting my personality could be at times, they still (somehow) love me.

for the longest time we've been trying to figure out an "anniversary" date for us. yesterday, kuya ef ended up preparing a mini-feast for us, and we thought, hey, let's designate july 7 as our anniversary. and, it became even more exciting when we realized that kuya ef and i started volunteering in 2007. 07-07-07 ... it doesn't get any cooler than that.

or it could be. i mean volunteer work + amazing friends + helping kids create a brighter future for themselves ... that's way cooler, right?

so there, i'm not iglesia, i'm catholic. and on thursday, i don't make samba, i go to tuloy, tutor kids, and spend time with the most fabulous friends i know.

no passport required

{finally, the eTicket}

while i would've been thrilled at the possibility of using my passport in its new passport holder and hie off to some fabulous location *ehem*cambodia*ehem*, i'm not. rather in fifteen days, i shall be flying off to the wonderful island of mactan.

cebu has always been that elusive destination for me. i guess the love affair began when i developed a huge crush on this boy from mactan. trips were planned but never made, and at one point, i was overly excited when a friend had a possible work prospect in cebu. that never panned out, and the crush eventually waned but cebu, well, the desire to go to cebu just grew and grew and grew.

last year, cebu and i had a "near meet" -- i got offered a short-term engagement for a supreme court project and i had a choice between cebu and bohol. since i visited bohol the year before, and since it was cebu (B! remember the commercial? or am i way too old?), the obvious choice was the latter. a week later, i was informed that another lawyer had beat me to cebu so would bohol be okay? fine. bohol take two it is.

early this year, i was one of the crazy ones who hounded the cebu pacific website when there was a piso fare sale. and, when texting eight other people with different destination goals and different schedules and different desires while praying to dear god i don't get booted out of the website got to be too much, i made a declaration: cebu it is and whoever wants to go may come. i had two other yesses and so, the cebu trip, for less than P800 for the round trip ticket, was booked.

and then, as i said in this post, tita celia texted, i computed my dwindling budget, and searched online, and P2,060.00 later, i was the proud owner of a roundtrip zest air ticket to, where else, cebu (B! yes, i'm makulit like that). so, come july, i'll be seeing my dream province not once, but twice: the first, to bum around shang mactan as tita celia's mascot, and the second, to cavort around with theo (first time!) and cathy.

i've no doubt it'll be exciting, and fun, and (sad to say) that money will be spent. but it's okay. after all, it's been a dream since forever (okay, fine, since 2007!) and it's CEBU (B!)

best way to start one's monday

i've said it then and i'll say it again: i am a sucker for presents. presents make my day. presents make me happy. presents can turn my foul mood 180 degrees around.

so, while mondays are usually horrible and grumpy and sleep-deprived, my july fourth started out fabulous cause i got this.

{presents are even better when there's a lovely note attached to it!}

{it's from accessorize, a store i learned to love, thanks to the boss}

{it's a passport holder!}

a short background: i regretted not buying the kipling passport holder when i went to vietnam last year, especially when i saw my friend using one as a wallet. when i spied this at the accessorize sale last january/february, it still wasn't on sale. so i made a pledge to buy it when it does. i pointed it out to my boss when we went to robinsons manila and asked her if she could get it for me once it goes on 50% sale. she did, but she said it was a gift. isn't she the best?

you expect bosses to be way smarter than you. you expect them to mentor you, impart know-hows, and watch out for you. you expect them to get mad when you screw up and to praise you when do a great job. but aside from christmas and birthdays, you don't really expect them to shower you with presents. my boss has, and she's not like that cause she's making up for her inadequacies cause she's crazy brilliant and fierce and fabulous.

{polka dots! i love dots!}

{oh, please take me places!}

thanks, boss!!!

defective plumbing

since the health card doctor diagnosed me with endometrial cysts way back in 2002 (has it really been that long?), an ultrasound has been pretty much a way of life for me. thank goodness that soon after i got operated on (to remove cysts, which eventually led to a ruptured ovary, leaving me with one fully-functional ovary) tita celia trained to perform ultrasounds - these days, no matter what my health card states (it's almost always a pre-existing condition, boo!), i can get myself checked out for free.

or, well, at least all it would take is a weekend away from manila + the bus fare to get here.

in any case, my period the past couple of months has been the horrible kind, so while i'm not exactly the pill-popping kind of girl (i actually abhor taking meds), i've resorted to regularly to pain medication. thing is, i just don't get PMS when it's close to my period -- once in a while, i get major cramping, the kind that makes me want to double up and ask the doctor to take out every bit of reproductive organ i have, just to make the pain stop. but, since i know what i have, and i know in my mind that this is part of the entire prognosis, i'm pretty much resigned to things being the way the are. it's not like some miracle will restore my ovary to full health, right?

this morning i had another ultrasound and as my aunt probed and poked around (it sure does feel that way!), she made the tsk!tsk! sound several times and proclaimed that while my ovary is healthy (miracle!), my uterus isn't. turns out i have this.

if the wikipedia article could be trusted, then i could very well say i'm an overachiever (or at least my reproductive system is -- while it rarely occurs together with endometriosis (10%) and in women from 35 to 50, i, the girl who had endometrial cysts + is only 34 years old have been diagnosed with it. it isn't cool, but it's good to know that there are parts of me that aim to be "ahead" of the pack.

still:

1. it's not cancer

2. i'm not dying

3. it'll go away once i enter menopause

and for now, those three things are good enough for me.

the end of an era

i met the pilot at the martian's birthday party in 2004.

at that time, i was dating this person, spike wasn't even a year old, and when the pilot mentioned that he was working for PAL, i mistakenly thought that he was a flight attendant. so sue me, he was that beautiful a specimen of a boy.

of course it didn't hurt that he drove a bmw. (a fact i discovered when i asked my brother if he could point out to me where in our village the pilot lived.)

in any case, he got my number and gave me his and we'd exchanged text messages every so often. for some reason, that semester, i had a lot of airline cases so i'd "innocently" text him something like, "hey, reading an airline case etc. etc." so he'd reply and we'd be texting until one of us had to go (him on a flight, me to sleep)

my best male bud died a day after my birthday. that weekend, i ended up hanging out with the pilot after i was too bummed over the fact that the person i was dating refused to go with me to my best bud's wake. and then the person i was dating ended up physically hurting me (that's a long, sad, icky part of my life that i refuse to think about up until now) so we broke up. a couple of days later, the pilot had to leave for vacation with his family in thailand (where his dad works) and all i had with me was the thought that maybe, just maybe, this beautiful specimen of a boy may one day fancy me.

we exchanged text messages. and i think there was a phone call thrown in. he came back the day of my PRIL exam. i can't remember how i managed to pass that subject, but i do remember how happy i was when the pilot handed me a wad of letters from the time he was in bangkok. old school love letters. that was new. and sweet. and kilig.

we got together on 3 april 2004. he went with me as my date to a good friend's wedding where i had to wear a horrid gown. after the wedding, i changed into a much nicer outfit and he took me to this place with a lovely view of the bay and asked me to be his girlfriend. it would've been stupid to say no, especially since he got the band to sing overjoyed, my favorite stevie wonder song.

everything was fabulous until february of the following year when for some reason, i couldn't count on him to be there. we broke up on easter sunday -- i remember he picked me and my brother up from the bus station and when we got home, we talked and he told me that he couldn't do it anymore. the week after would've been out first year anniversary; our anniversary would've been the same day that pope john paul II died (although it was still 2 april 2005 in rome) ... he took me out for dinner at gloria maris, gave me a tight hug, and brought me home.

the patrick i would meet over the intervening years was every bit the jerk everyone told me he was. he'd be fresh with me, demanding, weird, childish, impulsive. he'd want to come over and he'd steal my mint chocolates. he borrowed money from me -- money which should've gone towards my bar petition -- and never paid me back. he'd call me and ask me to draft letters for him, and he'd give my number to random people who'd call me for legal advice. i was incensed at this person who had the gall to think we'd be friends after he broke my heart.

we lost all contact eventually, and met up again one day when i spied him smoking at the corner of our street. he was every bit the good looking specimen of a boy i fell in love with, but he totally lost whatever charm he had. he was crass ... and he smoked a lot now. so not the boy i loved.

until one day, i had to text him to ask about his airline's free baggage allowance. and he replied and asked what flight i was taking so he could take it. all of a sudden, i was reminded of how it was when we were in our twenties and he'd attach "captain" to his name and "atty." to mine and it would be the representation of our dreams and future. he's now a captain, and i'm now a lawyer and sometimes i can't help but imagine what it would've been like had our paths not gone separate ways. wednesday night he dropped by and instead of his demanding, irritable, hateful self, he actually told me how he was resigning cause his only dream was to fly alongside his dad and that dream would be a reality soon. he also told me that he's already gotten his greencard and the plan was to eventually migrate to the US.

after he left, i realized it was so easy to hate him as an ex. it was so "normal" to put him down because he borrowed money and never paid me back. but wednesday night i saw a glimpse of the boy i fell in love with 7 years ago - the boy who wrote me cards and drove to UP when i was too tired to go home for the weekend; the boy who gave me spam so i'd never go hungry in the dorm, saved up bottles of coins for me so we could talk using the payphone at night (no unlicalls yet!), the boy who called me at work every morning to say how much he loved me. i don't exactly know why that boy turned into a monster in the intervening years, but the boy that visited me wednesday night, well, that was the boy who had my heart for 51 weeks (and probably a couple more of weeks after that, except i didn't have his anymore, haha!) and it's hateful that this time around, i can't even begin to hate him.

the old pat's back ... and he's leaving for good.