i woke up this morning and i can't believe that a little more than three years after achieving that one thing i had been working so hard to achieve since the beginning of this decade, i wanted out.
i thought, what if i just pursued my previous career as a pre-school teacher? or what about special education so that i can move abroad to be with my parents?
and, oh, while this may embarrass me to death considering that i had said to a room full of people, as well as incurred the wrath of a good friend, i am tired of being a "real lawyer" and i want, at the very least, to go back to work in the court of appeals.
oh, the folly of me when i first made the plunge to work for a law firm. i was excited over not wearing a uniform. i was excited over the fact that i had my own tiny office, a secretary (who never gets me coffee anyway), and a computer that i didn't bring from home. i was elated over the fact that i never had to carry an umbrella for anyone ever again, except to shield myself from the rain when absolutely needed. i was jumping for joy over the fact that i could finally be the very thing that i've always thought i would become -- a real lawyer.
and yet these days i drag myself out of bed just to make it to work. i rarely get excited over a case anymore -- it has turned into something that pays the bills, pays for the stuff i find fun and exciting, like travel, like shopping, like eating.
i remember an MCLE lecture by Atty. Te, and how he shared this story of his friend who hated every bit of lawyering and actually took a year-long break from being a lawyer to do every single thing he wanted to do. when he came back, he was refreshed, and realized that he will do good in what he does -- lawyering -- because it will allow him to do the things that bring him great joy. maybe i ought to do that too. maybe i'm just in a rut, and i need to break away from this and be okay once more. but i've just come back from a vacation, and all the more, i can't help but question the decisions i've made that has brought me to where i am right now.