Wednesday, March 17, 2010

random thoughts

i used to do this everyday. as a matter of fact i had a few couple of readers who would patiently comment on my ramblings. i even met a couple of friends through this blog. and now, i can't even muster up the energy to do more than tweet.

have i, like the rest of the universe, lost the power to write beautiful words?

but then again, i'd like to think, i used to be a teacher and a law student, and that meant that when i wasn't reading or studying, i was talking. writing was a luxury i did the moment i got to work and the office was quiet and my mind was bursting with ideas, thoughts, and musings. now, lawyer that i am, i basically write for a living. i write letters, opinions, and emails. i write 40-page (or more) pleadings basically begging the courts to rule in favor of my client. i even record phone conversations in the form of letters. as my boss (and mentor) loves to remind me, put everything down in writing.

the downside to that is that in spite of the liberal internet access at work (i don't have internet access at home. i may be the only middle class person without internet access) i rarely find myself blogging. so many thoughts and ideas cross my mind in the course of a day (like how my secretary would probably keel over and die if we lost our internet connection, or whether or not those who buy fake bags like buying fake or they just really like the bag and couldn't be bothered with the real thing). so many "good" writing fodder ... and yet i resort to tweeting.

the entire day yesterday, i was majorly addicted to reading daphne osena-paez' blog that i kept clicking "previous 20" over and over again, going back, back, back into her past. i read about her kids named after flowers, her wonderful husband, her lovely siblings. i read about her house with the red door, and how she pared down her life by selling 50% of her clothers and 80% of her shoes. and the though that kept crossing my mind over and over again was that "i want."

thinking about it more this morning, "i want" not just the charmed life that she leads (a mom and wife with a couple of interesting part-time jobs, or something like that, as she describes herself on twitter) but i also want that part wherein she writes - freely, with joy, and with barely a touch of bitterness. of course, my writing before was full of angst, but i chalk that up to being in my 20s, and being a major fan of jessica zafra in college. i'm in my 30s now, and haven't read much of jessica's recent work. things are different, and i'm thinking, my writing will be different too, hopefully, as carefree, and yet as carefully worded, as daphne's is.

she's always been my favorite f girl, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to "grow up" to be like her.

anyway, today's the first day in a couple of weeks that i'm not going to be in the office really early. i'm not yet late ... after all, work doesn't begin till 9. it's just that i'm in qc and the car is coding so i'm hitching a ride to work lang. it's so fun to have relaxed mornings. recently, relaxed mornings have meant waking up at 5, going to the 6 am mass, then being in the office by 745 - 830 (depending of whether i took the car to work or commuted). today, it's meant going to mass at 630, eating a leisurely breakfast (egg salad sandwich. i love) at tita mayu's, and just reading a bit more of daphne's journal (i'm in 2008 now. stalker much).

hopefully, i'll be able to write more beginning today. so, fine, i've said that about five times already in the past six months. but a girl can dream, can't she?

see you soon.

4 said hello!:

Pamela Angela said...

freaky! i just blogged about practically the same thing - my inability to blog like i used to!

yes, i'm blogging again - at least trying to. but i've left blogger, i'm now on wordpress.

we need to get our voice back.

Pamela Angela said...

freaky! i just blogged about practically the same thing - my inability to blog like i used to!

yes, i'm blogging again - at least trying to. but i've left blogger, i'm now on wordpress.

we need to get our voice back.

roxy said...

pam!!!

hey what's your link??? i want to read you again (and maybe get inspired by the stuff you write and write more). incidentally (ironically? freakily?) my friend emailed me this morning saying he is reading pajammy's blog on wordpress and i said, hey that might be pam, and if it is then i know her. and it IS you :) tiny world.

Pamela Angela said...

Roxy!! (I like your new nickname!) http://pajammy.wordpress.com. Yup, it's me.. Gave up on blogger and moved to wordpress na :)

yes, this world is tiny!

keep writing! i'll be reading!

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