while there are self-help books for winning a guy, keeping a guy, and how to deal with losing a guy, the gurus forgot to write something that deals with how-the-fuck-should-i-act-if-my-ex-calls-after-three-and-a-half-months-and-after-he-basically-ignored-me-during-the-holidays-which-would-have-been-a-less-awkward-moment-to-act-but-calls-instead-on-a-random-day-when-all-you're-prepared-to-do-is-watch-endless-hours-of-forensic-fun-over-at-crime-suspense-channel.

do i:
(1) tell him i'm busy, but thanks for calling anyway?
(2) ask him why the hell is he calling me after not calling for so long?
(3) pretend we're just long lost friends and chat as if i didn't spend months trying to get over him but am finally (thank god) over him now?
(4) ask him about his dad/mom/sister1/sister2/dog/cats/driver/houseboy/neighbor and everyone else in his life hoping he'd spill about his current romantic situation all the while hoping he didn't get to the "taken" part ahead of me?
(5) just say "uhm" and "ah" every so often while playing collapse on the pc so that my voice won't turn into that high pitched whine i do when i'm nervous?

in the end, i thought of doing number one, did not even begin to think of number 2, attempted to do number three, did number four (but wasn't able to milk information) and ended up being successful only in doing number five.