somehow, i've always envisioned the time between graduation from law school and september 2005 (bar time!) as that glorious time where i'd finally get a life. while my classmates planned things such as living arrangements and bar review schedules, or while they searched for "the perfect starbucks for studying", i, on the other hand, envisioned myself waking up at 6 to do some not-so-serious walking around the academic oval.

sometimes, i've the tendency to kid myself that i can coast through the bar the same way i coasted stumbled through my law school career.

still, i knew that somehow, i had a knock-out plan for the bar examinations. i'd start seriously reviewing when the ateneo bar review begins, i'd clock in at work mornings just to finish my contract and head out to ateneo for review classes. i'd then try to catch the mass in bf then head out to my little secret of a coffee shop and study until closing time. and i'd do the damn thing every single day until it feels like it's the most natural thing in the world.

but even the best laid plans can go to waste.

here i am - two weeks after i finished with my summer elective and five days away from resignation - working my ass off at 9:30 in the evening in a hot cubicle in ortigas trying to finish work i should've finished over three weeks ago. i'm tired. i'm cranky. and i've been experiencing more heartbun than i've experienced in all of my 28 years combined. home is still anywhere between thirty minutes to an hour away (depending on how fast i drive) and sleep, well, sleep has become a controversial luxury.

and don't even begin to ask about reviewing. in the last month and a half i've been trying to study for the bar, i've gotten about as far as 300 pages of labor review and bits and pieces of remedial law.

june 1. i've marked that day on my calendar. on that day, it'll be goodbye work, goodbye slacking off. i'm envisioning myself sitting in that coffee shop with a large cup of coffee and my reviewers neatly piled on the table. after several years of hiatus, i'd once again channel my "nerdy" self and continue on to my quest in becoming a lawyer. i'm thinking "yes, yes, yes, rosa you can do it."

and i should be able to do it.

right?