a volunteer's heart

if there's one thing that i'm proud of, it's the fact that i work with former street children at least once a week. for the past three years, i've been tutoring kids on thursday evenings, helping them with their assignments, projects, and what nots. and, once every two years, i also have the honor of being part of a major sportfest wherein at least thirty centers - a total of more than a thousand kids - participate.

i love the fact that i am proud of something bigger than myself, that in my spare time, i am able to change lives of children. i am proud of the fact that while each and every second of my professional life may be billed to a client, i can give it freely and without reservations to those who do not have a single peso to their name.

but sometimes, even the most generous of hearts gets burned, frustrated, and mad. last night, that heart was mine.

i do not mind spending my hard-earned cash. i do not mind giving up my personal activities to spend more time with the kids. i do not mind loving, caring, and nurturing these children. what i do mind is when another volunteer wastes my time with her own negligence, with her irresponsibility, with her inability to respect the fact that other volunteers have plans of their own and would appreciate, at the very least, a text message informing them of a change of plans.

i was so mad at her i couldn't help but lash out behind her back last night. if i had more guts, i probably would've lashed at her to her face. and, late into the night, i was still sending text messages to a friend at how frustrated i was about the entire thing.

in three text messages, he reminded me that more than anything, i was a volunteer who wanted to make a difference in the lives of these children. he made me realize the fact that ang asar ay talo. and he wanted me to keep in mind that a humble heart is the most beautiful kind of heart there is (okay, this last part was more interpretation than the text itself, hahaha.).

so, i guess i'm fine now. or maybe not. we'll see later.