was it my screwed up hormones or was it just me?

as i sit behind my messy office desk listing down the numerous things i have to finish, i can help but still feel the glow of a job well done. a couple of weeks ago, i did a pleading for this old case that was assigned to me recently and after we submitted said pleading, the office copy came back my way with a very clear "very good" on it written by one of the firm's partners. then yesterday, i read an email from a new client saying i was very well prepared and that they were satisfied with my work. today, the same client sent a text message appearing to be very happy with the opinion i emailed today.

all of a sudden, all the issues i poured out to paz two sundays ago are gone and here i am, content once more with the path that i have taken and the work that i'm doing. i am happy and for some reason, i do not mind knowing that the next couple of weeks will require extra long days if i want to shine like the bright star that i want to become.

a while back a friend noted that i had ceased to be the fun person i was before. and that scared me a lot. how can i not be cheerful, sunshiny, bright, happy and bouncy when these are the very things that i think define me. i cannot NOT be fun, at least to my mind. i cannot be serious and deep, or the type that ponders on things. i am impulsive. i am a whirlwind. i am entropy personified.

so i tried blaming hormones - maybe its just cause of the medicine i'm taking. or stress, cause, really, i've been tired a lot lately. i also wanted to blame lack of sleep although we all know more than anything else i do make sure i get a lot of that.

somewhere between the blaming sessions and today, i realized that happiness doesn't mean being bright, sunshiny, and cheerful all the time. happiness isn't also something that comes from shallow little things that makes one smile from ear to ear. i can be the fun person i was without all the external trappings.

go back to the first paragraph.

i am doing a great job.

i am making my clients happy. (and if they're happy, then so must be my bosses too)

so forget happiness from bouncy shiny happy things. i am an adult, and when one's an adult, happiness comes from doing what ought to be done right and the best way you can. and guess what - that's where i am at right now :)