home alone

this is my second attempt at writing this.

with a ctrl+a, and then the del button, i just deleted a five-paragraph long post and decided to start anew.

i'm thinking, where has the wit gone? where is the panache that enabled me to write crazy stuff about my life in the past? where's the girl whose smiles reached her eyes and jumped at a moment's notice.

i guess things, including me, have truly changed.

then again, if my laptop's old and dying already, what am i to expect of me? i have had this for four years now, and my dad had it for a year or so before he gave it to me. it's not exactly a new laptop, in fact, it's pretty old. and i've been blogging long before i got this. so, there. changes are truly afoot, changes are, if i must say so, truly necessary.

last night, after i found out that "the sweetest thing" was showing on hbo (thanks to an FB post by a college friend), i watched it and again was confronted by the fact that why is it that i am sort of the owner of this home and yet i am unable to claim it as my own. what am i waiting for? a husband and kids to turn me into a responsible person? has staying in the room that i've had since i was a freshman in high school stunted my growth to the point that i still leave shoes at varius places in the house? why is it that on lazy days I am still primarily preoccupied with reading books and catching up on sleep, hiding out in my bedroom when i've got an entire home to enjoy.

okay - how did i jump from the sweetest thing to my home issues? there was a scene there where cameron was at her apartment (her apartment!) and she was in the living room enjoying the space. i couldn't say that for myself. you see, my living room is where i've dumber blazers for washing, shoes i've used up for the week, and a couple of stuff i haven't stored away yet.

gah. i am 32 and still living the life of a teen.

my mom has said she's coming home soon for a vacation. hopefully that'll force me to get my act together and prove to her that hey, i AM an adult and the house shows it. until then, i just have to make sure i don't trip as i navigate around the things i've left lying on the floor :)