Sunday, October 18, 2009

happy birthday, person i deleted from my life.

a year ago, i celebrated the birthday of a person i christened my best friend after a couple of days of hanging out and getting swimmingly along. two months after that, i was pissed off, mad, and had made the unilateral decision to delete him from my life without any ceremony whatsoever. i was done, i wanted to move on, and there was nothing there that i wanted to go back to anymore. it was a bad decision borne out of impulse and, most likely, loneliness and therefore best chalked up to experience.

early this morning, while watching a movie that turns a woman's heart into jello, a friend reminded me of so-and-so's birthday. i had almost forgotten about it, but apparently the fate's won't let me. and so, now, almost halfway into ex-friend's birthday, i am choosing to remember the good things, the happy moments, and the friendship that was lovingly offered when i needed it the most.

with everyone boasting of countless of "friends" on facebook, one can't but help ask herself really what friendships are made of, and whether, when one realizes her car batteries has died, there'd be someone to pick her up and say it will be okay. there's always the looming question that even with the hundreds of names on my cellphone, there's someone there i could call when i'm too choked up to breathe from crying my heart out. with the ease of getting in touch via YM and skype and facebook chat, would any one of the people i can reach via these messenger-type technology be willing to listen to me as i, for the millionth time, complain about my meager salary?

last night, i had dinner with my college dorm mates - friends i had not seen and barely heard from since i graduated in 1998. when we saw each other, we hugged and said our hi's and talked as if we all just checked out of ilang-ilang yesterday. the dad of one of us passed away before her bar results came out. the baby sister of another is now a freshman in UP manila. and, surprisingly, all of us are lawyers none, although none of us had expressed a desire to be one while we were in college. after a hearty dinner, we made plans to meet regularly, once a month, schedule permitting, and to never let time and distance come between the special bond we shared while we were all still at that stage of figuring life out.

after dinner, i rushed over to another friends how, friends from my present life, and we spent time watching movies on dvd together. all of us were tired, and none of us were in any condition to really spend the night rocking but we were there, enjoying quiet time together, knowing deep in our hearts that times like this are rare to come by.

maybe it's time for an apology to the boy who's celebrating his birthday today. maybe i was wrong for giving up on a friendship with you, after all, you did prove yourself a good friend when i was at a low point. and maybe it's time to acknowledge that friendships do not need technology but require actual time and presence to flourish. maybe it's time to thank new friends who met me when i was the most alone in my life and helped mold me into the strong, fearless, and (semi)confident single woman i now am.

and so, happy birthday, enzo. i'm sorry i can't greet you today cause i've deleted your number from my phone but know that as i go to mass tonight you'll be in my prayers. thanks ate precious and ivy for making time to have dinner last night and for making future plans to make this a regular thing. i am glad to have found you two again. and, to my girls, pazi, jenny, antonette, and shy - i am uber blessed to have you in my life, strong women all, godly, caring, and loving, fun and fearless, and always willing to have that occasional drink with me when i find myself in a horribly screwed up situation all over again.

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