very few things in the world can make me don rubber gloves, get on my knees, and clean my bathroom. one would be a cockroach infestation, another would be visitors, and the third would have to be a major issue in my life.

today, i got on my knees and scrubbed my bathroom tiles like i never have scrubbed them in my lifetime for the reason that tomorrow, i will get answers i may not be ready for.

a long time ago, in what seemed like another lifetime (and another blog), i found out that i was growing an ovarian cyst inside me. the doctor tried driving it away with hormones but the thing just grew bigger and bigger so they scheduled me for an operation to try to scrap the cyst away. sometime during the operation, the cyst popped, forcing them to remove my right (or was it left?) ovary.

after months of hormone therapy, countless sessions with the ultrasound machine, and a list of medicines like you wouldn't believe, my doctor gave me a clean bill of health with a warning that should i desire to have kids, i better get hitched soon.

unless i've been keeping things from you, my dear reader, you'd know that i am very much single right now. clearly, i didn't listen to my doctor's advice.

while my doctor's words would pop in my head once in a while, i never really gave it much thought until recently when (1) my stomach cramps got more and more painful (2) my cycle got shorter and shorter and (3) there was something seriously different with the blood that was coming out of me.

an SMS to my aunt/ob-gyne confirmed my worst fears: those were exactly the same symptoms she experienced right before she had to have her entire uterus removed.

so tomorrow, i'm scheduled to get an ultrasound and find the truth about my screwy remaining ovary. while the rest of the world will be spending their day filled with love, chocolates, and flowers, i will be spending my afternoon inside a hospital hoping to dear god that someday, some little child will look up to me and call me "mama".