today would've been my parents' 29th anniversary. instead of celebrating, they're probably sitting in their respective kitchens, sipping coffee, ignoring the fact that they're both alone, both somewhere between indifference and bitter disappointment, and both trying to forget that because of a section in the 1987 constitution and another one in the family code, they cannot legally divorce.

unlike other children of separated parents, i don't want them to get back together. they've had a difficult marriage, and i know they deserve the space that being several cities apart give them. one day, maybe they'll be friends again. or maybe not. what i wish them both though is that somehow, both of them find peace in the fact that together, they have raised a family, and maybe apart, they can teach their kids a thing or two about love.

at 27 and 28, my brother and i are both still single. i don't know if either of us will ever get married, but we've made a promise that if we're single and middle-aged, we'd get a nice condo and live together - my aunt wants to be with us too! - and make up for all the time that we bickered as kids.

at times, i believe in love. at times, because of what has happened to my parents who i once believed were madly passionate about each other, i don't. discussing my dream wedding with someone, i still believe, but after licking the wounds of a nasty break-up, i don't. good morning messages and long drawn-out goodbyes at night make me hope for love, but the reality brings me back to earth and tells me that there's no such thing.

i know there are more important things than love to think of right now, such as the short month between now and the start of the bar (thank god august has 31 days!). but as i was driving home tonight, with only a shopping bag on the passenger seat where i wish he could've been sitting, i realize that being the hopeless romantic that i am, love and its many permutations will always be on my mind.

my parents' marriage may not have worked, but at the end of the day, had it not been for that brief shining moment where they were majorly in love with each other, i would not be here writing this post. and that fact - according to a good friend - makes it all worth it.

i may not have been the most popular girl in the block, but i got my fair share of the attention. there were flowers, stuffed toys, balloons, cakes, perfumes, and once, a pencil from tokyo disneyland where, among all the girls in my class, i was the only one who got one topped with a "person". my bestfriend can explain what this means, but believe me, i later realized that yes, the difference apparently really meant something.

anyway, while the presents that exchanged hands have always been much appreciated, you know that guys do it just to please. they KNOW you want them and so they buy. at times, expense is not an option. they save, they scrimp, and they pull out all the stops just to see a smile on your face. and you do smile.

funny though how sometimes, the most unexpected thing in the world can make you smile a bit more wider. and so, while dangwa flowers on the hood of my car was kilig enough to make my classmate rib me and tease me about it for ten minutes at 6 in the morning and while i admit that bestest ex showing up on my doorstep with all my favorite stuff from mcdonald's still tops my list up to this day, i must say that a fifty-something driver handing you a much-abused pink and white bag containing three cartons of soupy snacks and a huge block of dark chocolate comes pretty close.

especially when inside the bag is a short note where the second to the last word is "heart".

p.s.
i must admit, dude, your driver is hott! *smirks*

p.p.s.
i don't usually do surveys, and haven't done one in a while, but i'm feeling particularly cheery today - must be from the snoupy snax, haha - and nikki tagged me and so here goes:

1. Nervous Habits:
~ i begin talking a lot, then say sorry and shut up.

2. Are you double jointed:
~ nope. teka lang, ano yun?

3. Can you roll your tongue:
~ i can!!!!

4. Can you raise one eyebrow:
~ it is an essential when you teach. do not underestimate the power of a single raised eyebrow when talking to a student who didn't read her homework.

5. Can you blow spit bubbles:
~ i can't, but i try.

6. Can you cross your eyes:
~ of course.

7. somebody deleted this...wonder why???
~huh?

8. Do you make your bed daily:
~ on good days, yes. on bad days, no. on days when i'm late, i do not only not make my bed, it's also got a ton of clothes on top of the sheets and pillows.


-- CLOTHES --

10. Which shoe goes on first:
~ well, i've got different shoes on different feet and the one which does not work with the outfit gets taken off.

11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?
~ whoever i'll throw the shoe at will be so not worth the damage to my shoe.

12. On the average, how much money do you carry:
~ recently, i realized that so long as the car has gas i can survive with fifty bucks. unemployment can do that to you.

13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7:
~ earrings, and a watch.

14. Favorite piece of clothing:
~ the nude wonderbra my aunt gave me.



-- FOOD --

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
~ twirl

16. Have you ever eaten Spam:
~ recently no. but spam was part of the "refugee" stash my ex gave me and i remember eating nothing but it for a while.

17. Favorite ice cream flavor:
~ rocky road

18. How many cereals in your cabinet:
~ none... my brother ate it all up.

19. What's your favorite beverage:
~ cold water

20. What's your favorite restaurant:
~ alda's ... but i swear i'll never take another guy there (even if i mistakenly think again that he's "the one") for as long as i live. men and romantic love just ruin the place.

21 you cook:
~ yes, but don't ask me to make adobo cause i don't know how.



-- GROOMING --

22. How often do you brush your teeth:
~ twice :) according to something i read, that's more than enough.

23. Hair drying method:
~ sit in the car, open the window, and allow the dirty metro manila air to do the drying. it's gross i know, but i'd rather sleep that spend time drying hair.

24. Have you ever colored /highlighted your hair:
~ colored, highlighted, and everything else known to man. i pity my hair.


--MANNERS--

25. Do you swear:
~ recently, way too much. being on the phone at 3 in the morning does that to you.

26.Do you ever spit:
~ not at all, and its uncouth.



-- FAVORITE --

27. Animal
~ fish

28. Food:
~ ketchup fries, oreo mint and creme, apple, cheese, and ham sandwiches... tama na. baboy na.

29. Month:
~ march!

30. Day:
~ wednesday

31. Cartoon:
~ powerpuff girls

32. Shoe Brand:
~ i have: kate spade; i want: jimmy choo; i need right now: anything flat. my knees are killing me!

33. Subject in school:
~ economics. raj palacios a meter away from you is the best incentive in the entire planet. sir, if you're still out there, and single, i'm here, and i still want to marry you.

34. Color:
~ pink, even before it became chic, when it was just all about caladryl and barbie bags for pre-schoolers.

35. Sport:
~ uhm, is sleeping a sport? cause if it were, that would be it.

36. TV show:
~ CSI

37. Thing to do in the spring:
~ walang spring sa pinas.

38. Thing to do in the summer:
~ escape from students and sleep and not have to wake up to the alarm clock's blaring noise.

39. Thing to do in the fall?
~ kung may fall sa pinas, golly, it'll have to be wearing knee-high boots!

39. Thing to do in the winter?:
~ when i finally see snow, i'll tell you.

-- IN AND AROUND --

41. In the CD player:
~ i totally forgot about the cd player since the itrip arrived :)

42. Person you talk most on the phone with:
~ you know who you are

44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows with mirrors? honestly?
~ i actually don't like seeing my reflection. uy, dude, this is part of the 50%.

45. What color is your bedroom:
~ pink

46. Window seat or aisle:
~ window


-- LA LA LAND --

48. What's your sleeping position:
~ on my side with a pillow in front and a pillow wedged on my back pretending someone's spooning me. *sigh* it's sad being single.

49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket:
~ not anymore.

51. Do you sleepwalk:
~ sleepdrive even. thank god for comprehensive insurance.

52. Do you talk in your sleep:
~ thank god no. otherwise i may never be able to take the bar on account of questionable morality. ehm, justice callejo, joke lang to.

53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals:
~ was allergic to them, thank god for puffalumps.

54. How about with the light on:
~ no, and god help the dorm roommate if she leaves the light on.

55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on:
~ its more like i fall asleep with a book in my hands opened to the page i was reading when i dozed off. this happens all the time. remedial law can be very very boring.

56. Last interesting person you met:
~ Nikki but she'll have to give way when i finally meet that traffic enforcer along evacom who wears crushed velvet, skintight leatherette pants, and heeled men's boots at 7 in the morning.

this is anna, but i know her as christie.

christie, a.k.a., is my favorite cousin's wife. but two weeks ago she told me that my favorite cousin was mean to her by not letting her go to new york and i told her that since he's been mean, she can take over his place. and so christie is now my favorite cousin.

christie gave me my first authentic coach bag. christie was my first fino convert. christie and i spend hours - once in a while - talking about everything and anything under the sun, and was the first person i updated about this unusual pseudo date with a hot guy. i can't explain it exactly, but she knows exactly what that means.

anyway, ever since i got to hang out with her, i've been pretty thankful that my favorite cousin met this girl and had the good sense to marry her. she's pretty, she's smart, and she has every mark of being one of us.

she was the first person i told about the ipod mini from my dad, the person who stopped me from dialling pat's number when i wanted to share the news with him (how stupid and dumb, i know!), and the person who helped me pick out a name, and confirmed that, no, it wouldn't be stupid to name my ipod buffy to match spike.

anyway, being the coach-giving person that she is by nature, she decided that she'd give buffy some accessories, a graduation present, she said.

all i wanted was the adapter - that way i don't have to charge using my brother's laptop all the time.

and a case, she said, and i said ok.

but who knew the package would come with an itrip.

it took a while, but i finally got it to work in the car. and so, since every song that blares out of my radio is a song that i actually know, well, guess who's being creating quite a ruckus singing in the car all the time, complete with actions?

anyway, if you see a girl in a red car singing and dancing, that would be me. and it's all christie's fault.

maybe next time you can get me car tint. that way i can sing and dance without anyone knowing.

what do you think?

p.s. shoes will take two weeks to make, even wedding shoes with all the brouhaha on them. we're in business. you can come home with the design you want and stuff, and we can have them made. however, inasmuch as i'd like to sponsor ian's shoes too, i think i'd buy myself ferragamos first before i get him those, favorite cousin status notwithstanding.

Sometimes, the laziest of days begin with the best of intentions. When I left the bar review yesterday at 6, leaving Ateneo without passing by the library for the first time in a week, I knew that all I needed was a Friday free from the usual I-will-force-myself-to-study routine and all will be well.

But then, who knew how powerful Harry Potter 6 could be? While I didn’t feel pressured to read the book pdf file after it was emailed to me last Thursday, yesterday, the thought of reading Harry Potter while eating my Sour Cream and Onion Pringles seemed really good. Add to that the fact that it was drizzling and the thought of reading yet another page of tax was making me hurl and my night seemed all planned out.

I read and read until I was too tired and the words began floating in front of my eyes. Good job, I told myself. A hundred pages of Harry Potter should be enough to keep the addiction at bay. Tomorrow, I told myself, I’d see myself in the library at 9 and will be staying until it closes at 7. I’ll also attend the lectures in Poli (in spite of the sleeping bouts in between discussions) and Criminal Procedure. I’d be a good girl. With five weeks to go, the pressure was definitely on.

But I never thought that cold weather plus a tummy that seemed to wanted me to stay at home unless I wanted to embarrass myself kept me firmly stuck in the soft confines of my bed. In between trips to the bathroom (I blame the leftover fish crackers I ate in the car out of sheer desperation) and reading page after page of Harry, I had managed to skip an entire day of studying.

So, in less than 24 hours, I was able to plow through 476 pages of Harry, and some 20 pages of criminal procedure. I’ve got 4 ½ hours left of today. Maybe, just maybe, the guilt of reading fiction instead of my review books will keep me reading.

p.s.
consumer alert!
if by some reason you decide to buy the SM bonus cooked ham, don’t.
if you like mint and crème oreos but have always found them expensive, it’s buy one take one right now at SM Sucat.
F&T frozen siopao is good.

i now know how the hair is like in person (i had to check your old pictures to remember the "old hair" and i must admit i like the new one much better), and i saw how one of the seven sandals looks like (really cute), and i saw THE birthday gift (was really lovely).

thanks to both of us having cars which are "coding" on the same day and both of us having an inherently chatty nature, we were able to have a lovely breakfast in spite of it being seven in the morning. forget that one had her entire day ahead of her (that would be me) and the other was ending her long day, it was fun, it was nice, and it was something that i hope would happen again sometime soon :)

the sad reality of shoes that don't fit...

i was excited about the shoes for a week, so excited that i resisted the rockwell sale. i was so excited i dreamt about shoes floating in the air. so excited that when my aunt SMSd that she'd be in rockwell today, i ditched the entire schedule i had mapped out in my head and rushed over.

only to realize that they don't fit.

well, they do, but they don't fit well. put it this way: had i been in the store trying on the shoes, i wouldn't have bought them if only because my feet look like some drag queen's feet squashed in too tiny shoes.

but they're 7 1/2! every single pair i bought from nine west are 7 1/2-M and they fit wonderfully, like a snug glove even. every single pair i asked my aunt to buy for me from the US were 7 1/2s and they fit perfectly.

so why, why, why do these lovely, sexy, made for strutting down ateneo library shoes make my feet look like fat sausages?

*sigh* it's almost enough to make me hate shoes for life.

but, as i said, ALMOST, but not quite. i just bought a pair of lovely turquoise driving shoes yesterday and those, if i say so myself, are happiness personified.

with the six weeks of studying i have left and the tons of reading material i have to plow through, plus the thought eight examinations over the course of four sundays where my words will be the sole judge of my competence as a lawyer, words all of a sudden fail me.

and so, inspired by pam's rendition of her pinoy blonde experience, here's a picture of me, now.

clearly, from the lack of artistic talent, there's a reason why my grade 6 teacher gave me an C in art.

i've always thought that desperate times call for desperate measures. and so, much in the same way i've been trying to fast track my studying for the bar, i've also been fast-tracking my getting over the ex regimen.

in the beginning, it included listening to the national anthem of all break-ups "i will survive", deleting his contact numbers from my cell and important dates in my planner, and ramming every little thing he gave me inside a box. eventually, when the tears finally let out, it likewise involved telling myself in no uncertain terms will i ever initiate any form of conversation with him, not now, not ever, not even if it meant gasping for my last breath in the middle of the south luzon expressway and my only hope of salvation would be to dial his number. of course there was a moment of weakness when, after i couldn't figure out my ipod mini and my brother was refusing to help temporarily i dialled his number and asked for his help but it eventually passed when he was being an asshole over it and i realized that even if i were gasping for breath in the middle of south luzon expressway and he was my only hope for salvation he'd hesitate to give it, being, as i found out later, a real asshole as my brother and his friends have warned me time and time again.

when i finally accepted that there's no more going back THAT relationship, that i just miss having a boyfriend and not the boyfriend per se (it being, as my brother pointed out, merely SSDD - same shit different day), i decided that it was time to check out my other options. now, being at home most of the time, and being out only when i've to go to the bar review where men are basically interested in one thing - passing the bar - my choices have been narrowed down to one: my insurance guy.

now insurance guy isn't someone i'd date on a normal day, but as i've said, i'm an equal opportunity dater: i'd date anyone who'd ask (so long as he's decent, yadda yadda) at least once. however, while he's nice and he's clean, and he's obviously smitten, someone texting wazzup wid u? doesn't really do it for me. it just doesn't, especially when its followed by another text message which makes me want to whip out my red ballpen and begin correcting grammatical errors.

but as i said, desperate times, desperate measures. i knew i wanted to get out of this present rut real fast, and there was the lovely pair of shoes i wanted to road test on a date, and so i finally set the date. after a million text messages (if sony ericsson had a squiggly green line for every grammatically incorrect phrase or sentence my phone's screen would have been as green as the dlsu bleachers on a finals game) between us, we set the date, time, and place. for a while, i was a bit excited. after all, i haven't been in a real date since i began reviewing for the bar.

eventually, when the excitement wore off, i realized that: (1) shoes can be worn anyday, and (2) what would i do if my ex saw me.

and that's when i realized that desperate times don't call for desperate measures. they call for a really good excuse to cancel out a date you shouldn't have set in the first place.

they say the first step in dealing with an addiction is admitting it. and so, i'll be woman enough to admit it.

hi, i'm rosa, and i'm a shoe addict.

well, that's not really ground-breaking news, and everyone who knows me, both online and offline, and those who have seen my flickr site can attest to the shoe love going on there, but i something happened this weekend that has exceeded anything i've done in the past.

i got myself four pair of shoes.

not one, not two, not three, but four.

two, i blame on the nine west sale. forget the fact that, as my brother pointed out, i've been living on flats and sneakers since june started. i'm going to get heels even if they kill my bank account.

two, i have my aunt's friend to thank. this afternoon, after finally getting around to charging my phone, my aunt's message came in: i have your two mules from chit with me. yep, i got two free shoes from the US. apparently, my aunt's friend liked me enough to buy me two lovely pair of shoes.

i've no idea where this addiction is headed to, and i don't know what i'll do with more shoes than there are days in a month. but who cares, right? this is one addiction i don't plan to do any therapy on.

p.s. i love the hsbc red commercial where the girl buys herself her own solitaire diamond ring. so empowering. now we really don't need men anymore.

p.p.s. i was horribly excited over finally having "coraline" signed by neil gaiman and i've been counting the days when i'd finally see the genius in the flash but the crazy people over at fully booked did something stupid preventing me from achieving my dream. i hope they'd do something about it. as one girl in the crowd said yesterday, "i'm terribly disappointed."

i'm interrupting the shallow nature of this blog to bring something which has been on my mind the last couple of days:

gloria, please resign.

i finally was able to listen to the tapes (yes, i'm pretty behind) last sunday and was lucky enough to listen to it while reading the transcripts. while the fact that cheating had been going on didn't really bother me (i KNEW there was some cheating happening, there always is) the blatant way in which it was being done saddened me a great deal.

i never really trusted gloria, from the time when she banked on her nora aunor look-alike pictures when she was campaigning for senator when i was in college up until she swore in as president immediately after edsa 2. i had hoped ANYONE but gloria would win, and i actually woke up early last may 2004 to cast my vote against gloria.

and now that every eddie, cory, and susan has his or her own idea about what should happen with our government, my greatest fear is that one day, i'd wake up and there'd be people power all over again.

the other day they featured on the news the junta government that some sectors wanted and i must admit it sent a chill through my spine, especially that part where they wanted to suspend the supreme court and replace it with their own version of a judiciary (paano na bar exam? nooooooooo!).

she's holding on so that democracy to prevail. she asked her cabinet to resign in order to replace them with people who will be "blemish-free" (take note that the president assigns these people out of faith and confidence in their abilities). she's blindly ignoring the call of the filipino people to hold on to power that she so gladly seized last 2000 from erap.

it's funny how she was thrilled with edsa 2 but now puts down people power as a "vice" of the filipino people.

the last couple of times god found me inside the church i prayed for the bar examinations. tomorrow, god'll find me inside a church again, but tomorrow, i pray for gloria to resign.

... and who thought all i needed was yet another pair of sexy stilettos

when i was working for THE university and we were required to look our perfect conservative best every single effing day, i longed for the day when i can wear t-shirt, jeans, and my favorite pair of sneakers. i counted the weeks, days, and hours until finally, i can stuff all my work clothes in one closet and say goodbye to them at least until i get a job again.

and then when the day came i bought myself lots of flat shoes and ransacked my aunt's closet for her old jeans, and began wearing sneakers and t-shirts ... and enjoyed it immensely until i realized that while i looked all of twenty years old, i also began looking as unsophisticated, well, as a normal 20 year old girl. (of course this comes with the caveat that some twenty year old girls nowadays don't look unsophisticated at all, but let's pretend we're dealing with the real world where twenty year old girls don't look sophisticated. think outside of greenbelt 3 and you know what i mean)

so yesterday, in spite of the fact that i've been telling myself that i don't need yet another pair of stilettos, there being no place to go to in stilettos, i ventured into the nine west sale and came out with a pair of beaded satin sandals with 3 inch heels. they were lovely, they were sexiful, and there was something about them that made them look hot with jeans. think hi-low dressing.

and so today, i got one of my nicer long-sleeved polo shirts, my "long legged" jeans, and slipped on my sexy stilettos. i sat a bit straighter, and smiled a bit wider, and learned more lessons that i ever did wearing my tshirts and sneakers, and got the best kind of compliment a girl can ever receive:

"you're losing weight"

*incidentally, one friend went as far as asking if i were seeing someone, most likely because of the sexiful new look.

in spite of the fact that the only make-up i understand includes cream blush and lip balm and my absolutely non-existent affinity for accessories, i'd like to think there's enough kikay factor in me. after all, there's the strong affinity for sexiful shoes, and the major addiction to bags (thanks UH for the fino sale alert!). there's also the occasional "beautiful underwear" shopping spree (bench body's underwire bras are nothing short of fabulous), something that my mom will be proud of. plus after major (and i mean MAJOR) goading from my aunt, i've finally learned to incorporate cleanse-exfoliate-moisturize in my daily routine.

and true to form, these things have managed to mask the fact that deep inside, i'm actually a geek.

but last night, after spending hours upon hours playing typershark and actually doing the various drills to increase my typing speed (65 WPM, baby!), i finally accepted that no amount of stilettos in your closet can ever change the nerd hiding within.

2 months to go...

... and i'm in major panic.

so what happens when you mistakenly believe that you've no bar review classes scheduled and you ended up missing two lectures on remedial law cases?

1. a trip to the province to enjoy lola's pampering and conversations with persons other than your brother.
2. first session of laser hair removal on the legs.
3. shopping, and buying a pretty decent outfit (capri pants and white shirt) for only 250 pesos.
4. finally satisfying that major craving for arroz caldo.
5. scoring a free facial from the dermatologist who did your legs.
6. lunch buffet at red crab with your constant date: your younger brother.

and most important of all? forgetting the prssure of the upcoming bar examinations for a while, and the fact that there's so much to read, so much to memorize, so much to wade through.