bar results due out soon.

scared? very. nervous? beyond words. time feels like it's crawling at a snail's pace? yes, yes, yes.

so i:

1) went on a retreat
2) am looking for friends at friendsters for the first time in my entire life
3) painted my toenails black
4) bought a whole lot of junkfood from the grocery and gorged on them.

a huge part of me wants the results to come out ASAP because i want to know the answer now, but then there's also a part of me that's scared of finding out the answer.

fail once, chance. fail twice, my fault.

i can't fail twice.

i don't want to fail twice.

i don't know what i'll do if it happens a second time.