first, a warning. the pic has nothing to do with the post.

except probably for the fact that the two girls i'm with in the pic are lawyers and i'll be talking complaining about how nervous i am about the bar results.

i'm so nervous i can't sleep. of course, i can still eat but then the point is to lose weight so i'm complaining about that too. i can't work because i can't sit still and i can't sit still cause i'm worried sick about failing the bar a second time.

v. v. worried about that second time flunking part. so worried i actually asked gay if any UP graduate has actually flunked the bar twice. clearly, even without admitting that i'm voting for kiko pangilinan cause i'm a sharon fan, i will be a disgrace to my alma mater if that happens.

i'd like to be all fatalistic and say, well, there's nothing i can do about it now, but really, i can worry, i can gripe, i can complain, i can pray, and i can hope like crazy that when that list comes out, my name will be there.

please let it be there. i am so ready to call anyone and do that globe commercial thing and say "ihanda na ang lechon, abogado na ako."

i mean, wouldn't that be way better than me saying, "uhm, di ulit ako pumasa."

*special mention to gary for pointing out a mistake which totally reveals how dumb i am when it comes to spelling.

bar results due out soon.

scared? very. nervous? beyond words. time feels like it's crawling at a snail's pace? yes, yes, yes.

so i:

1) went on a retreat
2) am looking for friends at friendsters for the first time in my entire life
3) painted my toenails black
4) bought a whole lot of junkfood from the grocery and gorged on them.

a huge part of me wants the results to come out ASAP because i want to know the answer now, but then there's also a part of me that's scared of finding out the answer.

fail once, chance. fail twice, my fault.

i can't fail twice.

i don't want to fail twice.

i don't know what i'll do if it happens a second time.

it's been a while.

i've had so much to share, including this "hate post" intended for some people who it appears have been going here to gather chismis about my brother, but now i've forgotten most of what i was supposed to write and so i'm stuck with a blank page with nothing.

yes, absolutely nothing.

of course i can write about how i've finally (yes, finally) given up on pldt boy and how gsr boy and i are better friends now. i can write about the nasty rumors circulating around the court, but why immortalize that, right? i can write about finally seeing bo sanchez in person (why am i not in major crush with him like the rest of the catholic renewal community?) and finally attending the much-talked-about feast.

but somehow, i just don't have it in me.

the gag order my brother has imposed may have affected my writing skills. i must sue those evil people who have misused the information they've gathered from my blog. moral damages.

but since it's lent, i forgive you all. let's just say i'm fasting on angst.

so, i'll just channel happy thoughts and share that i have finally:
1) gone to market!market!
2) watched 300 (i want one spartan. the keanu look-alike --think keanu in bill and ted and you'll know who i'm talking about -- will do)
3) eaten at cupcakes by sonja. i had peppermint patty because a) it's peppermint and b) it's pink. if krispy kreme is heaven, then let's say that this is purgatory. almost there, but not quite. i wasn't disappointed but as far as i'm concerned, it was just ok.

before i end, can i say that i tried - tried being the operative word - to post a picture to go with this post but blogger refuses to cooperate. dang. maybe next time.

things i learned from my weekend at galera:

* i love my brother. and surprisingly, i like his new gf. of course i don't want to tell him that. he has this thing of breaking up with a girl once he realizes we like the girl so i'm avoiding showing him how much i enjoyed spending time with his new girl. my brother just said i can't write about him or his girlfriends or his relationships EVER so this is me not writing about him. haha. it turns out some of his people read this blog (hi my brother's people!) and have told him how much i diss his girlfriends (hi flourshit! hi floucaril!) and he hates it (i am evil, i know) so this is the last you're ever going to read about him in this blog. (great big loss, sigh. as if.) evil rosa, signing off.

* there are people whose girth is more substantial than mine who would wear skimpy bathing suits. and so, my motto this weekend was "if they could do it, so could i." of course, i ended up being unable to walk up and down the strip wearing my bathing suit. at the end of the day, i'd just sit in my relatively isolated spot in the beach, read my book, and get some sun, then, once i have to move elsewhere, i'd put on my top to cover-up. so much for pride in how i look.

* avoid fernando's like crazy (their service is simply awful), try west havana restaurant (a bit pricey but the food is simply divine - but then again mababa ang standards ko, hahaha!) if only for their amazing service. anything owned by that fat chinese guy (the one who owns white beach hotel) is sure to give you amazing service.

* you must get a massage from the ladies if only to boost local economy. it's nothing to be happy with, but then again, i might have just gotten a bad deal.

* the best way to prevent the local people from making you kulit from snorkeling, riding the banana boat, or getting a massage is to tell them tapos na po!

* coco aroma is fun at night.

* if you don't want to look like a galera tourist: (1) don't get braids, (2) don't get a henna tattoo, and (3) don't wear galera clothes. or i'm just bitter cause i never got to do any of those.

* if you're not into people (like i am) and you want a better deal, you'd be better off at tamaraw beach resort than any of the places at white beach. for one, it's cheaper than any of the places at white beach and second, the rooms are waaaay prettier. of course, white beach is the happening place in galera but you can always cross from one side to the other if you don't mind braving the rocks. i know i'll be going there the next time i get a vacation.

*incidentally, galera is MORE expensive than i remember it to be. thank god money came last week, money which was wiped out by trip to galera. bummer.

returning the favor

this is what happened on the day i turned 30 ...

i knew it was my birthday (unlike all the other days where i'd be like, uhm, friday na ba and would realize it was just tuesday or something).

at first, i was mentally sulking. i thought no one had remembered cause i didn't hear any messages arriving on my phone but then it turned out that there was a number of them waiting for me, including one from the boy. needless to say, that was more than enough to make my day.

yes, i am shallow that way.

the inner workaholic in me made me go to work.

well, just go to work. actually getting any work done is an entirely different matter altogether.

we had lunch at dulcinea (cause it was my birthday, i got to choose where to eat! yehey) where we had paella, more paella, and paella until we couldn't have any more.

spent time at the mall with another set of friends - including gsr boy (humbug) and forbidden boy (hott as ever) - but left as soon as i realized that my boss might not be too happy with me spending all that time at the mall, even if it were my birthday.

i left work to go to makati for the birthday surprise pam cooked up for me.

gary and jill blew the surprise. it's okay. see, i sort of had an idea that the surprise would involve xeng zulueta cause i had gushed about her a couple of days before my birthday then pam asks me when my birthday is exactly and if i can leave work early. the day before my birthday, she tells me to be at G4 at 5pm. it could only mean a surprise involving xeng, i said to myself.

so when she texted on the day itself that gary and jill were in on the surprise and gary called me up to tell me to meet them at mexicali i thought, maybe it's a surprise party. and, because this is my blog, i will admit it here, ay, hindi kasama si xeng. so yes, i was a teeny tiny bit disappointed.

so when gary and jill asked me if i was ready for my make-over, my heart leapt.

i mean, come on. how often can you post a picture and say that your make-up was by THE xeng zulueta.

i love xeng. i love pam. i love jill. i just hate how being next to them makes me look like a blimp. on my birthday.

right after i saw the picture i made a promise to myself that i will be boxing again. enough excuses. it's not like i have that many things to do, right?

xeng (yes, i will keep typing her name. i am a fan freak that way) asked me where i'd be going. i was too embarassed to say that her amazing make-up won't be going anywhere fabulous, say embassy.

but her make-up went to first friday mass. and since first friday mass meant spending time with god, isn't that the most fabulous thing in the world?

i just thought to myself, next time my "xeng" face meets up with god, it's going to be at my wedding.

(hopefully, i will wed the boy. i don't want anyone else. promise.)

in true lingkod fashion, i had my honoring. i felt, well, honored.

of course i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a tad bit slightly ok, fine, MAJORLY disappointed that the boy didn't see my "xeng" face and wasn't there to "honor" me - o, diba sapilitan? - but who cares. it's lent and together with shoes and any form of shopping, i have decided to give him up for lent. sana lang isoli ni god pagdating ng easter, hahaha!

my "xeng" face, albeit it's yuckier, oilier counterpart also met my starbucks friends. even with the fading, they were surprised to see me so pretty.

teka lang, di naman ako ganun ka-pangit pag di naka make-up, diba?

my birthday ended at 4:30 am. i was tired and sleepy but i still waited a bit before washing off my "xeng" face. it's not everyday you get a surprise as amazing as that.

being me, my birthday had to be extended. yesterday, i had a massage with a friend and another friend joined us for dinner at conti's. and, in order to extend my birthday a bit more, i "forced" them to sing me a birthday song. thankfully, they're nice and they obliged.

and today, i had lunch with vanessa. you know it's really special if vanessa makes an appearance, right?

tomorrow i'll be having my birthday lunch at work. i did the grocery and i'll be preparing everything (except the potato salad) tomorrow morning. hopefully they'll like it. if they don't, well, kainis. but they have to say something nice. it's my birthday, still. they have to, right?

i'd like to think i've been blessed. after a string of horrible birthdays, last year's beach get-away was amazing and this year's string of activities was equally amazing. this coming weekend, i'll be going to galera with my brother and his friends (which have become sort of my brothers too) to collectively celebrate our birthdays.

fun. fun. fun.

i used to be scared of the big 3-0. but with a start like this, i might be in for the best year of my life.

and if not, who cares?

there's always next year, right?

no amount of planning could have prepared me for the way my 30th birthday would turn out

i could post a whole lot of things about my amazing day. and, considering that my camera is now fully operational, i actually have pics to show for it.

but since i (1) have been awake for almost 24 hours now; (2) am quite drunk but not too drunk to write this post; and (3) will be spending the next couple of days still celebrating my birthday, i choose to write about one of the highlights of my day: a make-over with shu uemura's xeng zulueta.

yes, THE xeng zulueta. and you know what's really super about it? it was xeng's idea to do the make-over.

her hand was sooooo light and she made me feel soooo pretty afterwards. and she gave me a present (and we all know how i love presents, right? i am shallow that way). it didn't hurt that she was the prettiest thing on the planet (i was starstruck/dumbstruck the entire time i don't think i said anything that made sense) and the nicest celebrity (yes, she is a celebrity, IMHO) i have ever met (not that i meet a lot).

for now, i will gush. yes, gush with all those comments in parenthesis that don't really make sense. in a day or two, i'd probably be able to write more ... but don't blame me if i gush still.

xeng zulueta did my face. on my 30th birthday (and she said i don't look 30 ... yay!).

so what if my big party never pushed through and so what if i can't really celebrate until i find out if i passed the bar or not. so what if pldt boy never showed up and gsr boy disappointed big time? today, i met xeng, got a present from xeng, and had my make-up done by xeng. i couldn't have asked for a better present.