my mom can attest to this: i am a christmas addict. notwithstanding the fact that i was totally dependent on my allowance, my christmas list was long and lengthy, including even the security guard at the dormitory where i stayed. i'd begin shopping around october, my personal christmas tree would be with me when i checked in the dorm by second semester, and by december, the only thing that i was doing was actually waiting for christmas to finally arrive.

fast forward to 2005 where the ratio of gifts given and gifts received has turned the other way and i am a virtual humbag. i attempted, and almost succeeded, doing my entire christmas shopping list in one day, and that included having all the presents wrapped using at the store where i bought them (unlike before where each present would be lovingly wrapped with special treats, bows, and little knick-knacks to make it a very very special present). i'd attack each store with an excel prepared list, which included columns for gift recipient, budget, and gift idea and blank columns for where i'd put the gift actually bough and money spent on the gift. special, personalized gifts became a thing of the past, especially as i came out of body shop with the exact same gift for three persons on my list.

as my christmas bonus began transforming itself into gaily wrapped packages, none of which, i may add, would be opened by me, i felt more and more despondent. with the sole exception of a friend who dragged me over to the charles and keith sale and bought me the pair of shoes i've been salivating over as a christmas gift, i wasn't expecting any packages to come my way. being the i'd-rather-read-a-book-than-giggle-with-a-handful-of-girls person that i was, i can count with the fingers of one hand who i consider to be my really good friends, and these really good friend were more like me in the sense that our world would not stop if we didn't text/call/see each other in months, even years. more than half of my immediate and extended family is abroad (and none of them seem to be familiar with the concept of sending over-burdened balikbayan boxes filled with a whole lot of nonsense presents, which, for the record, i love), and those that are here aren't the gift-giving kind.

and it was then that it happened. i knew that no matter how many times the priest sermoned over the last couple of weeks that christmas really meant the birth of christ and the miracle of our salvation, receiving no presents at all would totally destroy christmas, even for a grown woman of 28. and with a christmas day spent driving from region four, through NCR, all the way to the heart of region three just to ferry home an irate grandmother, i realized why my parents, aunts, and uncles used to dread the arrival of december 25.

but then i somehow found myself having lunch at the mall and there i was faced with store windows proudly announcing that they have slashed their prices, in effect telling me that, okay, now you can buy what you wanted but never could get yourself to buy because of the hefty price tag.

i'm now eyeing this shoe cabinet at 5% off from blims. there's also this folding table that would be so good for BEN who now happens to be plunked over a monoblock chair for lack of an empty surface in my room. that's 5% off too. mango has a sale and so does every frigging little store at the mall.

i am excited. i am in heaven.

and, i realized as i planned my "mall course of action" when i woke up this morning, christmas, for me, has finally arrived.