Tuesday, April 06, 2010

cabin fever

i was exchanging SMS with a friend yesterday when she finally put what i've been feeling the past couple of months into words: cabin fever.

i know i couldn't explain it to friend x how i'd rather be alone these days. after all, i'm the kind of girl who can't even go to the bathroom alone. my secretary even used to justify it by saying that maybe since i live alone, i've all this pent up energy waiting to be unleashed every time i'm around people.

the last couple of months however - and i'm trying to blame the hormones and injections for that - i've been craving for some serious alone time, especially time away from friend x. at first i thought it was cause there were things i couldn't do with friend x (like going to surplus shop which i absolutely loooooooove). then it came to the point where everything felt so tedious - eating lunch was tedious, walking to the parking was tedious, being around friend x was tedious. friendship, for the first time in my life, felt like a chore i couldn't wait to get done and over with.

and then she finally put a label to it: cabin fever. ever watched (or read) stephen king's the shining? while we're not exactly stuck in a huge haunted hotel in the middle of winter with no way out, we're stuck in a tiny office, with no other choice of friends except each other. we eat lunch together, we go to the office library (ten steps away) together, we go home together. heck, we even took a vacation together. during the best of times, we watched america's next top model while exchanging SMS with each other. we were <-this-> close, and while it was good (even great) during the best of times, i realized something about myself: that somewhere deep inside of me is that grade 4 kid who ate lunch alone so she could finish early and be in the library to borrow books before the afternoon classes began. i though high school (and all the intervening years in between) devoured that quiet girl whom the teacher could not remember. apparently, i was wrong.

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