obsess much?

with a stuffy nose that was most likely causing splitting headache, i spend the last half hour reading my old posts while waiting for ABB. and, while reading old posts makes you smile at memories of the past that was, it also made me cringe a lot on the fact that when i like someone, i apparently don't just like that someone, i obsess.

a lot.

i mean i guess i should be thankful that none of the objects of my obsession read my blog. otherwise, they'd catch me in a second. this girl, they'd most likely thing, is in the bag.

gah.

so now i have to find a way to be subtle, to not get overly carried away, or as alex puts it, to not overthink the situation.

for short: go back and read my copy of "he's just not that into you."
(disclaimer: i did NOT buy this book, it was given to me by a friend who felt bad about my overthinking after the pilot and i broke up. wait, that doesn't sound so good either.)

anyway, since i've this pledge to also lose weight, maybe i should channel my obsession to healthier tasks. like this:

want to text him? go do one hundred crunches.

want to stalk him on fb? half rice on lunch, and no more rice the entire day.

spent more than five minutes practicing signing his last name with your first name? no dilly bar for a month ... or a month and a half, depending on how many signatures you were able to come up with.

googled him? cut off all supply of twisted cheetos puffs.

this is SO going to be productive, i tell you.
(and i guess that also tells you how i obsess much. gah. loser - me.)

you know you're sick when ...

... there's a horrible driver in front of you and you can't overtake her for the life of you.

add to that the fact you're already late and this scenario repeats itself over and over again in the course of a 21-km drive to work and you know, really know, that you're screwed.

hello people, it's me again, and unfortunately, this time around, i am as sick as a dying old man.

or maybe more.

anyway, i was out of the office tuesday, and sick yesterday, so when my temperature dropped back to normal, i thought, hey, i have to go back to work, with deadlines to beat and promotions to chase after.

my friend asked, are you good already, and i said, yes, cause my temperature is back at 37 and he said not to trust the thermometer and i said, what to trust, and he replied, how do you feel.

fine, i said. a bit down, but fine.

you're not well then, he argued.

i said, of course i am. but then again the fact that it took me forever to get to work, and clearly unable to drive the way i usually drive means that i am not fine, and i wish i were better, much better.

thank goodness for upcoming long weekend. while the entire universe, fine entire metro manila, might be planning trips to wherever their wanderlust would take them, the farthest i'm willing to go this weekend would be to the kitchen to get some food. the rest of the time, i'll be in bed, getting better, thank you very much.

and when i'm fine by tuesday, i'll be back on the road, driving the way i usually drive, traffic notwithstanding. =P

sometimes all you need is a piece of reese's to get the job done

well, not really.

the reese's peanut butter cup pictured here was given to me by my fellow-firm-slave, ABB. yesterday, she shared her chocolate stash with me and brought me a piece of waffle dog for breakfast. the day before it was baked goodies (custaroons and tarts) from the weekend baker's fair she attended. the entire year i've been working for this firm, i've been the recipient of ABB's kindness several times over. i guess its one of the reasons why work, notwithstanding all of its challenges, is something that i look forward to each day.

of course i won't pretend that waking up each day is a struggle cause it really is. and i won't pretend i don't complain about work either, cause i do. a lot, actually. but i believe it's rare to find yourself not only working for someone you've admired in the past but working with someone who's on the same page as you. it's rare to find yourself challenged by someone who's in it not for the money but because it's something she lives and breathes. in so many ways, ABB is way better at this than i am, but somehow, her awesome-ness is something i aspire to have (and hopefully beat) someday, not something i resent. good officemates (and friends, i guess) have that effect on you.

a couple of weeks ago i wrote ABB a note asking her where my "funk" went. she answered, "where'd you lose it?" i couldn't figure it out then but she told me what she does to be on top of her game - family and friends.

and so tonight, supreme court pleading notwithstanding (it's done, just need a bit of tweaking here and there), i am off to have dinner with VV. maybe, just maybe, reese's + VV will make everything all right.

(and if not, the hell, there's a long weekend coming up and sometimes, that's all you really need, right?)

yesterday i met a new boy

well, technically, not a new boy. i think i've seen him several times already, and he used to be one of the prospects of a good friend.

in fact, that's how i know a lot about new boy. my friend liked him. no, correct that. not just liked him. i think she was in love with him.

now around that time, new boy was just a name to me. and then i saw him once and he was cute so i told my good friend, go go go. with his good looks and the "good on paper" stories, who was i to stand in the way of true love?

but then as most love stories go, theirs didn't pan out but they remained friends. and so, once in a while, i'd run across new boy. and every time i'd see him, i'd tell my good friend, sayang naman, gwapo na, okay pa.

yesterday, i got to hang out with new boy. and hanging out with new boy, i realized that more than being good on paper and really good looking, good boy is crush material.

he's tall (all the better to wear heels with).
he's kind (all the better to introduce to friends and family with).
he's good on paper (all the better to start a future with).
and he's got the most fantabulous smile (all the better to have kids with).

i must admit, i was smitten within five minutes of sitting beside him.

then i realized two major things:

first,

eto na naman ako, crush na naman.

clearly, in spite of my claims that i am, for the meantime, closing all door to the prospect of a relationship with anyone, it is second nature to me to "fall in like" with people. what if this person is a bum? (he's not) what if he has a kid somewhere out there? (he does) what if he's not available? (research, anyone?) in a matter of five minutes, i had forgotten about my promise to myself and was, sad to admit, imagining a future with this person. i am so frigging lame, am i not?

second,and more importantly i think,

diba bawal mag-ka crush sa ex-prospect ng kaibigan?

it doesn't matter that things didn't work out for them and it doesn't matter whether she still likes him or not. she got first dibs and no matter what she says, i don't think she'll think very kindly of me if she does find out that i have a thing for her boy. that's just how the world and friendships are like.

anyway, the possibility of me seeing the new boy in the future is pretty next to zero. and so let me also officially end her whatever fantasies i've harbored about my new crush. it's not going to help any, and with only four days this week and two pleadings to submit, i should be getting a move on instead of dreaming about my new boy.

all hotness notwithstanding.

one year down, a lifetime to go

on my final year in law school, while all my classmates were planning their future, all i wanted to do was finish. that and pass the bar. whereas everyone had grand plans (and invitations even) to join the best firms in the country, all i wanted was for the torture known as "working student while in law school" to end.

it finally did. and when it did, i sorta had a job offer: to clerk for a court of appeals justice who was the mom of a former student.

clerking for a court of appeals justice was a great first job. it helped me transition from law student to lawyer without much difficulty since it mostly involved drafting decisions. everything i learned (and did not learn) in law school slowly unfolded before my bewildered mind and started making sense. it was then that i realized how much i loved labor, how much i detested civil law, and how, given the proper crime, criminal law could be an exciting field to pursue. the pay was okay, the hours great, and the life fantabulous.

but i guess man (or woman) is never really satisfied and it wasn't long before my dad's and aunt's proddings, coupled with my childhood vision of what a lawyer is, sprinkled with some advice from a good friend made me want to actually practice law. i wanted to be a notary public. i wanted to sign pleadings. i wanted to appear in court. i wanted to be - pardon the nomenclature - a "real lawyer".

of course i didn't realize that being a "real lawyer" would mean longer hours in the office. it meant no more sneakers at work, suits on specified days, and addressing major and minor concerns of clients. being a "real lawyer" meant hard work and lower pay. being a "real lawyer" meant sacrifices, big and small.

i remembered praying about it intently. in fact, i attempted to make the move twice. the first time didn't push through out of choice, but the second one screamed answered prayer through and through. i got hired to work in a firm where one of the founding partners is a professor i admired in law school, i got hired on the day i least expected it, and i got hired in a firm that will help me achieve my best self. it happened so quickly, so seamlessly that at first i couldn't believe things were actually happening the way i planned they would. but they did, and i'm glad beyond words.

tomorrow i'll be celebrating my first year anniversary at this place. i've got nothing really planned, in fact i'd almost forgotten about it. all i've got right now is this tribute post of sorts.

what i can say though is this:

i've got one year down, and a lifetime to go. i know it won't be long before even more beautiful things start happening for me. i am glad god answers prayers, and that out of my many prayers he answered this one. i may not have had plans then and my future may not be as mapped out as others' are. but career wise, so far, i think i have found home.