why it’s past midnight and i’m still awake on a working night means only one thing: my insomnia is back.

now, don’t think i was ever an insomniac. i am one of those lucky (if you could call it that) people who can sleep through anything, a tricycle ride included. in fact, i slept so much while i was in law school that one of my roommate’s friend refused to believe i was a law student cause she never saw me awake.

after almost thirty years, i have realized that there are only a handful of things that can keep me awake: a possible date with the boy, the sims, the night before a trip, an entire day spent sleeping, and the bar examinations. now, considering that i haven't seen the boy since valentine's day, that i can't find my sims cd, i'm not headed anywhere soon and that i spent the entire day at work, there can only be one reason why i am awake at this ghastly hour: the bar results are due out anytime now.

honestly, i am freaking out. while i know in my heart that i studied as much as i can this time around, the reality of flunking is very real to me. i have been there; i don't want to be there again. i don't know if i have the same grace i had last year. i don't know if i can study that way again.

in fact, if i fail again, i don't know if i'll want to do it all over again.

and that thought, running through my mind over and over and over again, is what keeps me up way past my bedtime.