Friday, March 04, 2005

thank you all for the birthday greetings. i wasn't able to reply to your text messages, no thanks to sun cellular and my probably insignificant boycott as of the moment, but rest assured i got your messages, and that they made me smile, and that you all contributed to my little bubble of happiness that day.

which wasn't much to begin with. screw boyfriends who neglect to buy you even one tiny balloon on your birthday. i kid you not. he was there but there was nothing, nothing, nothing, not even a tiny cake with a flickering candle, not even a card with a hastily scrawled birthday message, not even a stupid gym outfit. and i thought that was bad. needless to say, i am terribly disappointed.

but, i've always been good at bouncing back, especially when good friends - like gary - promise to feed you steak. and when a sweet brother mails (snail mail!) you a sweet card so that you've something to open on your birthday.

a couple of years ago, after a good friend and i had awful birthdays, we decided to celebrate our birthdays sometime in august. we got barbecue and kiddie spaghetti, ice cream and a birthday cake with candles. we got each other presents and we took pictures. birthdays on the day itself are overrated. birthdays are what you make of it. and so last night, i celebrated my birthday again with a good friend - a much better celebration than i had on the day itself - and tonight i probably will do it again with another good friend. after all, no amount of disappointment can ever put someone who simply loves birthdays down, right?

moving on ...

it's a been a year since my best friend passed away. i've lost touch with his family, probably the memories are just more painful when shared with people who have loved him as much as you do. over the weekend, i've finally mustered up the courage to delete the last of his messages to me, the ones where he says goodbye and take care and that he'll be fine. i didn't have the guts to read all 23 of them again, probably cause if i did, i'd lose the courage to delete them and carry the burden of being the last person he spoke to for another year.

however, even after having done all that, you realize that "letting go" is a stupid phrase, cause you realize you never really do.

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