my aunt went to bangkok without me and all i got was a fake pink coach bag

no, really, it's true.

she SMSd me yesterday, "reporting" that yes, just like i asked she got me something pink, and some dried squid, and if i want, she'd throw in a body scrub for good measure.

so what's the pink thing, i asked.

a fake pink coach bag, she said.

a WHAT?

see, my aunt is a benevolent, generous, and loving doctor with no children whose only sister is in canada. translation: she has no one to share her closetful of pretty bags with. and what good is a closetful of pretty bags if you can't share it with anyone, right?

right.

that lovely gucci bag with a bamboo handle i abuse every single workday? hers.
that lovely louis vuitton bag i abuse every single weekend? hers.
that lovely polo bag i use to lug my lawbooks around in? hers.
that lovely anne klein bag that's somewhere i don't know but i know is still with me? hers.
that lovely kenneth cole bag which has a huge yellow highlighter stain on the inside? hers.

i told her when she dies, i want three things only:
her watch collection.
her bag collection.
and her bed.

(incidentally, my other female cousin wants her jewelry, and my brother wants her tv. my favorite male cousin wants her car, and the three in canada can use her house as their rest house when their home. see, we've got her will all figured out. this is what you get when you study succession.)

anyway, since this is the also the same aunt who shuns anything fake and would rather wear something un-branded than something fake, i thought when she said coach, she meant real coach.

man, my first real coach bag. i could almost smell the leather (or fabric, or whatever! i'm not picky).

unfortunately, i forgot she went to bangkok, and bangkok has all things pretty but faux.

so, when you come across me one of these days with a lovely bag slung over my shoulder, don't even ask. i'm telling you now.

yes, it's coach. and yes, it's fake.