reasons to enjoy being single

1. you don't have to account to anyone regarding your whereabouts, who you're with, and what the hell you did to your hair.

2. if ever brad pitt comes to the philippines and decides he wants a filipina instead of angelina jolie, you can date him, without the guilt.

3. since you don't have to text and call anymore (and you do realize that it's mostly your bf you text and call most of the time) your phone bill shrinks to previously unknown proportions.

4. you have less wrinkles cause you don't worry if sun cellular decides to NOT have a signal in your room, or if sun decides NOT to send your message, or decides NOT to be able to call smart numbers or even if sun cuts your line. why? see number 3.

5. you lose weight because:
a. you don't have an appetite;
b. even if you have an appetite, there's no one to go eat out with;
c. you feel the need to be hot and sexy just in case you see each other again and you want him to realize what a dork he's been.

6. all of a sudden, every single song on the radio is something YOU can relate with, especially all those ella mae saison songs.

7. you realize you have a wide range of emotions. whereas previously you were stuck in happy and content mode, now you have anger, bitterness, loneliness, pain, sorrow, melancholy, and a whole lot more.

8. and because there's so emotion running through your veins, you have so much more blog material.

and why in spite of this you still don't enjoy being single ...

... because you're a dork and you still miss someone you actually wanted to break up with before he broke up with you.

i want my hair to grow long again. for one, i'm getting bored looking like a boy, even if most people i meet say they really like my new look. another thing, it's boring! i miss putting my hair up in a ponytail, or checking out the ends, or even contemplating cutting it. the grass is always greener...

i miss the thought of being with someone. i've realized that it's not really WHO the person is sometimes but it's just having someone to text you first thing in the morning and last thing at night, having someone to share your highs and lows with, and just being part of a pair.

i am loving sprite and royal these days. sometimes, the heat just kills you and water won't do it.

much like a whole lot of things, i don't get mane and tail. lola felt generous the other day and said she didn't mind paying the 398peso price tag on the extra moisturizing version. it's WAY too expensive in my opinion, and my hair still looks like it has seen better days so i don't know whether it was all worth it.

i'm definitely worried about the bar examination. enough said.

and with that, i KNOW i have to get started studying.

right now.

thank you for teaching me about wearing good underwear even when i was too young to care.

thank you for allowing me to have as many shoes as i can have, simply because i'm a girl and you understand all about girls and stilettos and pretty shoes.

thank you for taking me to the parlor for my first manicure and pedicure, and for reminding me to have my toes cleaned before wearing sandals in public.

thank you for teaching me how to make lists for everything - clothes to bring on vacation, money spent on things, and everything else.

thank you for proving to me that it is possible for women to drive better than men.

thank you for trusting my sense of direction and for allowing me to explore the streets of manila with you.

thank you for teaching me all about clinique make-up, steaming my face after washing it, and using ice cubes to close the pores afterwards.

thank you for taking me to the dentist (and actually teaching me to love the dentist) and for making sure i have lovely teeth.

thank you for allowing me to have my sense of style, for allowing me to choose what i wanted to wear, even if i actually looked like a dork sometimes.

thank you for being honest with me about things that were usually to taboo for moms to discuss with their daughters.

you're a million miles away from me right now, and i know i've resented you for some decisions you have made in the past. but there's no other mom that will come close.

i love you, mama.

happy mother's day.

Until You Come Back To Me (That's What I'm Gonna Do)
Aretha Franklin

Though you don't call any more
I sit and wait in vain
I guess I'll rap on your door (your door)
Tap on your window pane (tap on your window pane)
I wanna tell ya baby changes I've been goin' through
Missin' you - listen you
(Till you come back to me - that's what I'm gonna do)

Why did you have to decide
You had to set me free
I'm gonna swallow my pride (my pride)
Gonna beg ya to please - baby please see me
(Baby won't you see me)
I'm gonna walk out by myself
Just to prove that my love is true
Oh for ya baby
(Till you come back to me
That's what I'm gonna do)

Baby for you my dear
Is like living in a world of constant fear
Hear my plea (hear my plea)
I've got to make you see (gotta make you see)
That our love is dying (our love is dying)

Although your phone you ignore
Somehow I must - somehow I must - how I must explain
I'm gonna rap on your door (your door)
Tap on your window pane (tap on your window pane)

I'm gonna camp by your steps
By the chance I'll get through to you
I've gotta the change your view baby
(Till you come back to me - that's what I'm gonna do)

(Till you come back to me - that's what I'm gonna do)

(Till you come back to me - that's what I'm gonna do)

I'm gonna rap on your door (rap on it)
Tap on your win- (tap on it) - dow pane
Open up baby
I'm gonna rap on your door (rap on it)
Tap on your - tap on your (tap on it)
Tap on your - tap on your window pane
(Tap on your window pane)
I'm gonna rap on your door (rap on it)
FADES-
Tap on your door (tap on it) window pane
Open up baby...

it's been a little more than a month since the break-up. in the meantime, i've cut my hair, removed the blinds in my room and put up curtains, and enrolled in what would hopefully be my last subject in law school. i've reacquainted myself with cubao in the last couple of days (thanks to my ngo internship), developed a teeny-tiny crush over a boy who's three years my junior, and rode the rickety roller coaster in fiesta carnival.

and what do you know -- i'm still alive.

i remember how i just cried over and over last easter sunday, too broken up to think about law school, work, and anything related to responsibility. i remember taking the day off, lying through my teeth, saying i had fever or something just so i would not have to face everyone at work who saw how happy i was when pat and i got together. i remember all the embarrassing phone calls i made to pat, asking if we could get back together again. i remember dating someone who was so totally wrong, just so that i wouldn't be alone.

i remember wanting to die for a brief moment, but thank god that brief moment passed and i'm ok once more.

sometimes, when i hear my phone's message alert tone i pray it'll be pat's message i open. sometimes, when the phone rings i keep my fingers crossed that it'll be his voice i hear. and sometimes, god grants my wishes and it's him. more often than not though, it isn't. while my heart breaks every single time, i know that one day, i'll find love again.

right now, i'm seated on the edge of my bed, with the tv on, trying to finish an overdue task for my sideline. i did my laundry this morning and i'll be headed off to buy groceries this afternoon - as soon as i finish that task i was talking about. i had 8 hours of sleep and i hope to get a lot of sleep later - after getting my CSI fix that is. tomorrow, i'll head off to my ngo internship (we're having a potluck and i'm tasked to bring leche flan) and try to get as much work done.

maybe tomorrow i'll break down again when i feel how lonely it is to be alone. but you know what? the good thing about it is that i'll most probably not.