how i wish someone can fix my bad week like gilbert can fix a bad hair day ...

gilbert is my stylist. i've basically been with gilbert way before i became a lawyer ... i think i stumbled onto him after a particularly horrible day and i just wanted a haircut and he cut my hair in his no-nonsense way and left me feeling great. he won my undying affection though after i ruined my hair with a bad relaxing job at a cheap-o salon and he cut my hair into this stylishly short cut that some friends still rave about until this day.

gilbert = good hair = feeling fabulous = a happy rosa.

except that i've been having a bad week and i've cut my hair way too many times (and i'm actually loving my hair now, length and color included) to contemplate running to gilbert this time around.

and given this foul mood, i don't think gilbert - his wizardry notwithstanding - can fix it anymore.

so i'm planning to hie off to tagaytay, with my prayer paraphernalia, a couple of good books, and my atm (it's hard to be fabulous without money). i'll probably ditch my cellphone at home (cause it hurts to wait for a text message that never arrives) or maybe not (cause you never know if the text will actually arrive and bring you back to life). i'll stop figuring out MY life and start figuring out what GOD wants in my life. maybe it's time i let go and let God. i'm at the point where nothing feels right anymore and every little thing has become a reason to cry and grumble. i've been emo since monday and it's getting a bit old. as theo so lovingly put it, ate rosa, masyado ka mataba para maging emo.

and so i'm stopping.

for now.

"be still and know that i am god"

if you've ever spent more than an hour with me, you'd know that while i am capble of a lot of things, the ability to sit still escapes me. i fidget, i move around, i stand from time to time, and when sitting takes its toll on me, i stand up and roam aimlessly just to have something to do.

case in point - i am unable to take long leisurely lunches and feel the immediate need to do something as soon as i finish wolfing down my food.

it's the same thing with the decisions i make. wrong as it may seem, i am not the type who has the patience to wait for something to bear fruit in its natural time. when i've made up my mind on something, i feel the immediate need to act on it, take the reins, and hammer out the details until i get what i want.

i think the only time i'm ever still is when i've crashed in bed after a terribly long and tiring day.

thus when God calls me to "be still" and trust in His promises (Psalm 46:10), i feel like fish out of water. i feel out of sorts, like i'm not being true to myself. so many times i've quarelled with God on this point, telling Him that this is how He made me to be - active, type A, a go-getter, never passive, never "helpless".

after a horrible fight with a friend, a fight that left me in tears, hurt, dejected, and wishing that i could hide underneath my blankets for the next week or so, i realized that this is what happens when i fail to be still. nothing that i start on my own efforts i can sustain till the end. it is God's grace that allows things to blossom beautifully in His perfect time. He is never late or never early, He is never too much or too little, rather, He is always perfect. A relationship with God isn't like cooking that depends on the person's taste and personality, rather it is like baking - precise, on time, never experimental. He is as dependable as the knowledge that watered chocolate will never form inside the mold. And like an expert pastry chef beating eggwhites, He knows exactly when soft peaks form, and when the peaks are perfect, and when to stop.

a beautiful article online reminded me that "personal initiative is no substitute for reliance upon God." on my own, my capacity is limited, my knowledge imperfect, my will unguarded. i, however, serve a perfect God. i can count on His promise that as His daughter, He will not allow anything that I cannot handle with His grace.

as 2008 draws to a close and 2009 beckons, my personal mission is to "know that he is God x x x not merely intellectually, but practically, spiritually, and emotionally. He is [my] God. He is the ruler of kingdoms of this earth and the all-powerful Creator of the Universe."

Without Him I am nothing, but with His grace, I can achieve the impossible, sitting still included.

last weekend before christmas and i'm out gallivanting

but trust me, it's a good cause why i'm not out shopping for your gifts. it's my lola's 70th birthday!

(ok, if you're doing the math and you're thinking how can she be 31 with a grandmother that's 70 - my lola is actually my step-lola but she's the only lola i've known and since the beginning of time i've claimed to be her favorite although, bless her heart, she claims she loves everyone the same)

yesterday, a couple of friends and myself left manila a little before dinner to board a bus bound for cabanatuan, nueva ecija. thank goodness for the relatively light traffic, we were able to make it "home" before any of us fainted from hunger. and as we were greeted by lovely, lovely crispy pata, we were quite glad that we didn't succumb to hunger earlier. thirty minutes after we began all was left were the bones that were picked clean. happiness in an artery clogger. haha.

and then, lo and behold, we did videoke and since there were only the three of us, we all had to opportunity to hog the mike and sing all the songs we wanted to sing - from aegis, to tears for fears, to britney spears. good clean fun, until one of us fell onto the couch, asleep. that only meant one thing - go to our respective beds to get much needed rest.

in a couple of hours, my lola's friends will start arriving. that means i've got to get going and step out of my jammies to make myself presentable to the people who'll repeat the same mantra: (1) kaninong anak ka ba? (2) ang laki mo na pala? (3) saan ka ba nagtratrabaho? (4) aba'y kamukhang kamukha mo lola mo. tedious, at times, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

an open letter to the north pole

dear santa,

you know i've been good.

at least, as good as i could've been under the circumstances.

and since i've been pretty good, here's a list of the things i want this christmas. after all, with traffic being the ways it is nowadays (which may not really be your problem given rudolph and the gang) and the crowd that gathers outside mall doors as early as 9:30 a.m., i truly believe that making a list will make life so much easier for you.

here goes.

1. a new laptop. i know i asked for this a couple of years back and my dad generously sent me the one he was using. but, see, the laptop just had to start dying on me. recently, i've been forced to lug it around with a full keyboard since some of the keys simply refuse to come alive no matter how much i've tried to revive them. a mac would be nice or one of those cool pink-colored notebooks. i'm not much of a techie so anything that: (1) gets me on the net, (2) allows me to play my games, (3) has windows and ms office, and (4) can be easily brought around - will suffice.
2. a new camera. my old camera (1) destroys batteries (2) stops taking pictures in the most inopportune times and (3) refuses to work. i'm not going to pretend that i want one of those nikon thing-a-ma-jigs because, honestly, i wouldn't know what to do with all those features, and squinting while looking through the viewfinder isn't really my thing. all i want is the pink one that sony came out with (the one which automatically takes pictures when the subject/s smile). or something similar. all it has to do is take pictures ... and not die while doing it.
3. a flat screen tv. it seems like the coolest thing to have. everyone has a nice tv. a plasma tv. or an lcd tv. or any kick-ass tv for that matter. my tv i've had since 1990. promise. clearly i've taken really good care of it. maybe its time to reward me with a new one?
4. visa + airplane tickets + shopping money. my entire family - including my extended family - on both sides, plus my parents, plus one of my best friends, are all somewhere in north america. don't you think i deserve a white christmas too?

clearly, santa, i want big ticket items. but with the recession and all that, i'd understand if you'd want to go small this year. so maybe you'd consider any of the following instead:

1. a planner i can use for work.
2. a calendar with a page i can tear off each day.
3. a portfolio bag where i can put files when i bring work home
4. lots and lots and lots of sign pens for writing notes
5. mont blanc refill
6. a gift certificate for a day at the spa
7. new sheets for my bed

still, sometimes, it's not the gift that counts but the thought, right? so maybe a couple of services would be nice, like:

1. someone to help me clean the house
2. a friend who can change the light switch in the kitchen to make it work again
3. a plumber to fix all of my plumbing issues
4. a gardener
5. a pleading writer to finish all the stuff i have to finish before the end of the year.

and if none of these things tickle your fancy, well, any good old thing will do i'm the easiest girl in the world to please.

love,

rosa

there's a mickey in the office

at first i just heard the scratching noises that seemed to come from underneath the computer table. i asked the bookkeeper to check it out - she's not as afraid of mice as i am - and she maintained that nope, no mouse.

so i was able to breathe a little until one day i felt something touch my toe (was wearing peep-toes that day - guess what shoe won't be seeing the light of day for a while) and screamed a bit because of it but when i asked out pantry boy to check it out, again, nope, no mouse.

again, i relaxed. a friend even chastised me and said - ano ba yan, langgam at home, mouse at work. baka naman imagination mo na yan. maybe, i told myself.

until last tuesday when at the corner of my eye i saw a mouse scurry from underneath the computer table to the legs of the swivel chair. i prayed uber hard that it was, say, a giant cockroach (cockroaches i can live with) but when i poked the chair a bit, the mouse scurried back underneath the computer table.

okay. then i screamed. a silent scream. this is, after all, still a law firm.

the pantry man checked all over my room. wala na daw. since then, i had refused to put my feet on the floor and would step on she shelf beneath my computer table. my feet (and shoes) should have zero contact with evil rodent lurking around the office.

and then there was today. a partner saw the mouse again. then they began talking about it. then when i peeked out, the other partner said - hey, it must be your junkfood. i hear you eating.

oh no.

i wanted to say, it could be the billions of files around the office (mice love paper, right?). or the fact that there's wood all over (they love wood right?). or it could be that they climbed up from the 21st floor office of vita plus (if you work at the west tower of tektite and ever had to take a high rise elevator that passes by the 21st floor, you'd know why vita plus sales agents are hateful in our eyes) because they wanted something else aside from whatever it is that they sell at vita plus. but at the end of the day, i know deep in my heart that the mouse is most likely after my dingdong and chippy.

so, no more chippy. no more ding dong. no more junk food. for now. i think i can live without my junkfood if it means getting rid of mickey for good.

survey says ...

hello everyone :)

as the newest associate in the firm, i'm tasked to do the christmas party gimmick for the firm. one of the games i thought of was to do our version of "the family feud", hence this survey. i hope you can all answer the questions here :)

1) what's the most gasgas christmas gift?
2) inappropriate gift for christmas
3) gift that if you receive, you'll most definitely reuse
4) staple noche buena food
5) where you will be spending christmas
6) when do you set up your christmas tree? (month only)
7) food item you look forward most to during the holidays
8) reason why you'd rather NOT have christmas
9) first thing that comes to mind when the word "christmas" is mentioned
10) famous christmas song

since i'll need a hundred people surveyed, i'll appreciate it if you can pass this to your friends and send back their answers to me too :)

merry christmas!