things have been silent here in shoe whore land not only because i've promised to give up any form of shoe shopping this lenten season (really!) but also because the bar results will be out before the end of the month.

at first i was told that d-day would be the 21st. but then two days ago, my officemate confirmed that CJ panganiban confirmed that they'll be releasing it on the 30th. that's exactly two weeks from today.

being the panicky person that i am, and knowing how crazy some of my answers were last september, i've planned out how life will be when i find out i've failed the 2005 bar examinations. i've also told gay - a friend from work - that should i fail after my first take, i will not inform anyone if i've decided to retake the bar this september or not (to which she laughingly replied: "ok, we'll ignore the fact that you have reviewers on your desk and every single color of highlighter known to man and that you refuse to attend any sunday activity the entire month of september").

people have been reiterating their confidence in my abilities, asking me when the blow-out will be and calling me "attorney" every single chance they get. i wish i can be half as confident as they are in my abilities. but then, i know the truth. i know i didn't study as much as i should have and that i barely made it through my stint in UP Law. i know that i could have exerted so much more effort in the months leading up to the bar examinations. but then i didn't. and so whether my name will be on that list or not, i know that i only have myself to blame.

that, and the fact that the lucky stars weren't shining my way. after all, isn't the bar 50% hard work and 50% luck?