bad news: i didn't pass the bar.

now, please don't be like all my other friends who thought i was kidding them when i told them that, cause i'm not. i didn't make it.

surprisingly, after spending the entire of last night crying about it, i woke up perfectly good and ready to, well, hit the books once more. correction, not once more. i am willing to admit that there were some books i barely cracked. so i know that a huge reason why i'm in this predicament is cause i know i could've studied more.

either that or there's someone out there who just prayed real hard for me not to pass. tsk tsk.

so i'm going to need all your prayers once more, including happy thoughts that you can send my way.

and i'm counting on all of you to fulfill your promise to continue loving me in spite of the fact that i failed this time around.

promise, next year, it's going to be good news.

work just got a bit more exciting. exciting in the sense that i've promised myself to wake up earlier each day to make sure i look every bit the hopefully-soon-to-be-lawyer-but-not-stuffy girl that i wish to project. exciting in the sense that i'm not going to lounge in bed until eight in the morning each day and arrive at work around 9:30 anymore. exciting enough that i might just go through an image make-over and try to appear professional, smart, and soft-spoken.

all these because of a seriously HOTT 21-(or is it 20?)year-old OJT intern who'll be spending 200 hours of his summer vacation with us.

god, i swear, is being really kind. (now if only he'll be kind enough to make sure i pass the bar examinations.)

now, since i've no plans of doing a demi moore (especially since i am nowhere near as hot as she is), i plan to befriend him and figure out if: (1) good genetic material runs in his family; and (2) if he has a single older brother.

and if he doesn't, well, who cares if i do a demi moore? after all, if agot was able to make manu fall in love with her, well, maybe i can do the same thing too.

short, random thoughts on a boring monday morning

whoever said "no two things can occupy the same place at the same time" has obviously not ridden an fx during rush hour.

-oOo-

who'd have thought that pat the pilot would call and that the first thing out of his mouth would me, "so are the results out?"

incidentally, the second thing was (after i told him that they'll be out friday), "i honestly believe you'll pass."

-oOo-

who'd have thought that i'd be oddly comforted hearing that from him?

-oOo-

speaking of ex-boyfriends, if there's such a thing as a break-up anniversary, today would be our 1st year break-up anniversary.

-oOo-

when they thought up of the phrase "cruel and unusual punishment," they actually had in mind the bar examinations and the six-month waiting period between the time you take the ethics exam and the time you finally find out if you've passed or not.

funny how the last four days of waiting seem to be the most difficult of all.

-oOo-

if i don't pass, i trust that y'all would still love and respect me, right?

same time next week, i'll either be ecstatic, cause i've passed the bar, or resigned to another five full months of studying until legalese pours out of my ears.

for your sake and mine, i hope it's the former.

after i've placed the last period in my examination booklet, i've had one prayer consume my spiritual life: that i pass the bar examination. of course, there were days that i followed that prayer with the clause that should i fail, i hope that i be strong enough to take it again.

seven days. seven days that may either be long or short, depending on how you look at it. part of me wishes that when i wake up tomorrow, ill find out already but there's also a part of me that wishes the day never come, especially if the news isn't quite exactly what i hoped it would be.

putting all serious thoughts aside, the last two days i've got the datu puti sakto song playing over and ver and over again in my brain.

what's worse, i've also begun singing it at work and doing the funny dance that goes along with it.

not good. not good at all.

things have been silent here in shoe whore land not only because i've promised to give up any form of shoe shopping this lenten season (really!) but also because the bar results will be out before the end of the month.

at first i was told that d-day would be the 21st. but then two days ago, my officemate confirmed that CJ panganiban confirmed that they'll be releasing it on the 30th. that's exactly two weeks from today.

being the panicky person that i am, and knowing how crazy some of my answers were last september, i've planned out how life will be when i find out i've failed the 2005 bar examinations. i've also told gay - a friend from work - that should i fail after my first take, i will not inform anyone if i've decided to retake the bar this september or not (to which she laughingly replied: "ok, we'll ignore the fact that you have reviewers on your desk and every single color of highlighter known to man and that you refuse to attend any sunday activity the entire month of september").

people have been reiterating their confidence in my abilities, asking me when the blow-out will be and calling me "attorney" every single chance they get. i wish i can be half as confident as they are in my abilities. but then, i know the truth. i know i didn't study as much as i should have and that i barely made it through my stint in UP Law. i know that i could have exerted so much more effort in the months leading up to the bar examinations. but then i didn't. and so whether my name will be on that list or not, i know that i only have myself to blame.

that, and the fact that the lucky stars weren't shining my way. after all, isn't the bar 50% hard work and 50% luck?

nothing makes you feel old, single, and desperate for a man in your life like receiving an invitation from students about their upcoming wedding.

so, while i've gotten used to the idea that my contemporaries are getting married - including my best male bud from high school who is getting hitched next sunday - attending the upcoming wedding of my two students to each other tomorrow has left a little more than a bad taste in my mouth.

however, there's nothing to put this all back into perspective like being called into my justice's chambers to help out this lady who'd want nothing more than to have her pseudo marriage annulled so she can finally marry a 70-year-old swiss guy she met online.

the summer before entering grade 6, my mom, brother, and i spent almost three months with my dad in jeddah. being the place that it is, our vacation meant us staying inside the flat the entire day and having to wait until my dad came home at night before we can actually hit the malls.

my brother and i tried to make the most out of our vacation but given that everything on tv was in arabic and the only thing we can understand in the cartoon show we watched was "aiwa", we were basically reduced to creating weird shapes on the ref using the magnets my dad brought home from work.

that is until i discovered my dad's bookshelf and found lawrence sanders. however, before i could figure out why the girl kept killing her lovers whenever she had her period, my dad discovered me reading it, confiscated the book, and declared that i was in posseession of a book no ten-year-old should be reading. he then rummaged through his bookshelf and presented me with a book i won't ever forget: jeffrey archer's "a quiver full of arrows".

i remember reading and re-reading the book until it was time to come home to manila. by the time i went home, i knew i was in love with both jeffrey archer and short stories. once in a while, i'd come across a new novel or a new collection of short stories by jeffrey archer and i'd retire to bed with the book, foregoing food, drink, and baths until the book is finished.

ironically, i loved jeffrey archer so much that i've ended up sharing my books with my friends and failing to get them back. i don't think i have a single jeffrey archer book in my bookshelf.

that changed today. mindful of the fact that i've managed to spend every single minute at home glued to the television, i made myself promise that i will begin reading the way i did when i was back in college. after work, an officemate and i made our way to booksale at robinson's manila and began rummaging through the books available. she then declared that she won't buy a book over twenty bucks and made me begin looking for books that would fit her budget.

guess what i found.

a quiver full of arrows.

i convinced her that it was an amazing book and proceeded on telling her how i had come across jeffrey archer's short stories almost twenty years ago. i then went through the book trying to see if the twists at the end of the stories would come back to me or if, after more than half my life, i would hardly remember them. i didn't.

it took a while but i managed to convince her to let me buy (and take home) the jeffrey archer book (i bribed her with a P35 copy of "how stella got her groove back" and a promise to pay the fifteen peso difference).

i just hope that this time, my jeffrey archer book will manage to stay with me.

after year after year of bad birthdays, i had a wonderful one this year.

pictures and the entire story to follow soon. let's just say it was one of the best i've ever had. the beach + amazing company + getting drunk for the first time in my life + birthday cake made of rice + getting burned to a crisp = a very very promising year.

thanks to every one who rememberd my birthday. thanks for lovely SMS, pancit bihon delivered at my doorstep, and a card which captured what really makes a girl like me happy:

"the feeling of wearing new shoes while shopping for more new shoes"

inside flap: "i wish you that on your birthday"

well, keith, i had that on my birthday.

isang tulog na lang, birthday ko na!

technically, dalawa pa. tonight, and tomorrow night. but then since my clock tells me it's already march 1, i've only to wait for 24 hours before i can officially say it's my birthday.

jesus. to be 29 and still excited about birthdays. makes me feel like that kid in the instant spaghetti commercial.

but, who cares. i am excited. my birthday - at least it says so in my starbucks planner - is going to be a busy day. there's going to be a morning spent pretending to work (come on, does anyone actually get any work done on her birthday?) then my birthday lunch (i hope my boss buys me a cake) then i rush home so that i can hitch a ride with a friend all the way to quezon.

to quezon where there's a beach.

and probably lots of drinking.

and new friends to meet (i am crashing a team building activity).

and where i'll end my birthday, holding some alcoholic drink that's not beer, toasting some random person who i just met that day, believing that life - no matter how sucky/boring/tiring/hateful/routinary it is - can change at 29.