Friday, December 31, 2004

the year-end report

sometime this year, as i was having lunch with nic, he mentioned how 2004 is the year for those born in the year of the snake like the both of us were. he said it's our year for love and romance, and how while neither of us were in a relationship at that time, it's bound to come and when it does, it's bound to make the both of us believers.

it was tough to believe him. by our fourth month together, i had a lot of questions about the "love" i was supposedly enjoying with jay. i've met his family, i've hung out with his friends, and at that time, while i thought it couldn't get any better, i knew in my heart that it was a difficult kind of love. add to that the valentine's day fiasco, and had it not for my turning 27 years old, i'd probably have ended it in an instant. by march, things couldn't get any worse. the eve of my birthday, my then boyfriend presented me with the most stupid birthday gift ever - a gym outfit - and my mom called me on my birthday to tell me that she and my dad had decided to divorce and stay in separate apartments while they're sorting things out. the day after my birthday, the sister of my dearest friend called me to say he had passed away that morning, ten minutes after he sent me his last text message. one week later, my relationship ended on the worst note possible.

but then our plans aren't god's plans. i met the pilot, i re-discovered old friends and got rid of those who weren't really friends in the first place. i've found love in the place i least expected it. i've grown to love the person i am right now - head-strong yet soft, bitter yet open to love, plumper than i want to be but comfortable in my own skin. i've bought my first high-end pair of shoes and learned how to use the electric drill.

tomorrow's the first day of 2005. i hope to finally put up the new curtains i bought for my room and clean my bathroom. i'll be changing my sheets and checking the pile of papers that's sitting on my desk. i'll get started on that paper that's two months overdue for supervised legal research and begin planning for the cases that are scheduled for january. i'll make that exam that i hope to give my students on january 6 and fix my stuff for the dorm.

spike, my car, is still as dead as dead can be, and i was unable buy some of the things i hoped to buy for myself with my 13th month pay. i haven't made peace with some of my demons and sometimes, i freak myself out with my paranoia over patrick's love.

i hope 2005 promises to be good to me. while turning 28 scares the hell out of me, i'm ready as ready can be.

bring it on.

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