same time last year*

i surprised myself last saturday when i realized that i didn't even notice january 16 pass. it came to me that i had gone through another january 16, but this time without much brouhaha. it could be because i'm under extreme pressure. it could be cause i jsut haven't thought about it for a while.

but hopefully, i wish it were cause i am finally able to say i'm over him.

see, january 16 would've been our fourth year together. we could be married right now, or at least planning too. we could be probably more bonded than two people could be, finish each other's sentences and know each other's needs without the other having to say so. we'd know little important things about each other, how he's forever hunting for irish spring sport and how i don't drink coke at all.

and last year, in spite of the fact that i was happily in love, or so i thought, with someone, in spite of the fact that i felt i had finally found someone who could've matched the love he used to give me, i felt my heart breaking into tiny pieces when january 16 rolled around.

i guess you're never really over someone until one day you just realized that, hey, it's been a while. and when that day finally comes, you breathe a sigh of relief. you've waited for this day to come, prayed about it, did everything you can short of getting a concussion to jolt that memory off your mind's instant replay. you try to ignore favorite restaurants and significant places. you avoid clothes that were once your favorite simply because he liked them too.

and you pretend. you pretend, not only to yourself but to the world, that everything is fine. and one day, you wake up, and realize you haven't pretended for a while.

you've moved on.

and THAT is the greatest feeling in the whole wide world.

*bundi's post got me thinking. but if you're looking for an edsa dos post, better go there, not here.