good girls don't finish last

{me and gay - nice girls both, except she's much nicer!}

dear gay,

on a particularly sad day, i remember you telling me that good girls finish last. and while i remember telling you that it isn't true, there have been bazillions of times when i didn't exactly believe that myself.

since i met you in 2005, we've been through good times and bad, including liking "mitsa", buying a "special" present from rustan's, waiting for the results of the bar examinations, and countless text messages. you were the one who encouraged me to leave the court of appeals to become a "real lawyer" and you were instrumental in helping me leave the firm when it was time to go. so i couldn't imagine a better person to share one of the most amazing weeks of my life than you.

thank you for your encouragement, for replying to my bazillion text messages, and for listening to me go on and on and on about probably the same things over and over again ... like the window with a view! and thank you for not getting bored even though i've discussed nothing with you but the impending move, the actual move, and the first week at work. thank you for your patience and your kindness and your understanding. after all, who else will i share solsagamnida stories and issues with except for the person who made sure to look up the korean word and actually memorize it?

neither of us know what the future brings - if the weather is unpredictable as it is now, i'm sure our careers will be unpredictable as well. but if there's one thing i'm sure of, it's that your september 16 and my october 1 are both proof positive that good girls don't finish last; good girls finish in god's perfect time.

much love,

rosa

to the best boss i've ever had

{i hope you'll forgive me for shoes that don't go with the outfit ...
i didn't have the energy to pack another pair of shoes!}

dear jewel,


if i have any complaint at all about working with you is the fact that notwithstanding the copious amounts of food you take in and two children (both of whom are amazing specimens of healthy, smart, and fun boys), you have all these wonderful curves and i look like spongbob next to you. that said, the only thing that isn't so happy with the impending move is i'd surely be working with a less fabulous, less amazing, and less kind boss. i guess you can't have everything.


i can still remember how our first interview was like. while the entire world philippines was listening to the manila hostage crisis, i was in your office and i couldn't believe that it seemed like you actually wanted me to work for you. funny how gay didn't give me a background (nor did i ask for one) before i actually went to the office to interview with you in person, so i was expecting the jfaustria i emailed to be this old heavyweight who wasn't cool or anything like that (uhm, now that i think about it, i had an image of your predecessor in mind! haha!) if only cause the title "general counsel" demanded someone squat and of a certain age. needless to say, "surprised" doesn't even begin to capture how i felt then.


i don't know if i told you how many prayers i offered then -- prayers you wouldn't find someone else cause i needed to tender in my 30-day notice first, prayers that you'd like me, prayers that you'd get the HR to increase the compensation a bit. and when all my prayers were answered, october 1 seemed so far away (especially with all the stuff i had to finish for the law firm) and then all of a sudden it was there and you were my boss and because you complimented my shoes (one of my favorites), i knew i would be in for one of the greatest experiences of my life.

thank you for taking a risk with me, the girl who loved labor law but was horrible at anything corp related. thank you for taking me under your wing and for making sure i shined. thank you for editing my output (which usually has a myriad of typographical errors and a spattering of grammatical errors) and for allowing me to send these out myself, even if there were times that your corrections far outweigh my own inputs. thank you for making sure that the BOD got to know me and for singing me praises and for being my number one supporter at work.

but more than the work-related stuff, thank you for being my friend. thank you for telling me that i can treat you like an ate since i don't have one and for living up to that promise, which includes being the recipient of sooooo many presents from you. thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, the good and the bad, and for not freaking out when i go through my emo moments and i text you long-winded stuff on a friday night. thank you for introducing me to designer's boulevard, that wonderful caterer where we order paella from, dr. jennifer, and to bootsie and yoshi. and thank you for being an example to me, both in your professional and personal capacities, that one can indeed have it all.

and as for that december 2010 agreement to raid your closet, well, i still have 3 months to go. who knows, a miracle may happen yet. ☺

in a couple of days, i won't be within hollering distance from you anymore, and i won't be able to sneak out to jollibee with you when there's nothing good in the canteen. i won't be part of the happy group that makes a lunch break trek to trinoma to buy shoes and clothes anymore. after a while, i won't be able to relate to c1, c3, bacood, bff, and orange eyes hirits anymore and we can't be indignant over some things together any longer. but, i do know that you and i will still be fabulous friends and you'll still text and email me stuff, and i'll text and email you stuff (there's a girl named mocha - mocha! - in my new office) and we can laugh and cry and be mean still. i know that because that's just who you are - an ate, a loyal friend, and the best boss i've ever had.

love,

rosa

♪♫♪ you get what you need ♪♫♪

i can't even remember now how it all started. maybe it was a bad day, or maybe it was when we were at the thick of a variety of things that weren't particularly happy. it could've been after my brother treated me after he got yet another promotion or it could've been after i found out that my friend who gets paid insanely well already was getting overtime and holiday pay on top of the pay she was already receiving. all i know is that i was feeling tired, frustrated, and poor.

always a bad combination.

so when a text message arrives from an old officemate telling me of an opening for a lawyer at this real estate firm which will pay me enough to get my roof of my house fixed, well, i felt it would've been downright dumb not to even try sending my resume. so i did.

for the record, i wasn't feeling very confident about it. after all, when i first started trying to get a corporate job after my work with the law firm, i almost always never made it past the HR interview. yep, it was horrible. so imagine my surprise when i got there and the HR manager took me straight to the SVP for my interview and how, at the end of our conversation, the SVP told me, "you know what, i like you."

and she was a girl. and i'm not always a hit with girls.

i had to send samples of my work (i have this bunch of work samples that i always send out cause i love them - a decision in a case, the gifts policy i drafted for a client, and a pleading in a labor case which i won) and it was a tense week before the HR manager finally called me and said that yes, they want me. i wanted to jump and scream and shout but something in that conversation stopped me short -- i was asking for her to send me a formal offer and she asked me what else would i like to see considering that the take-home pay they were offering me was a 65% increase over what i was presently receiving.

i was dumbfounded. so when i told my friends about the situation, all but one were unanimous in telling me that if the HR manager had acted that way, then there's a huge possibility that things would get even more complicated when i get in. oh, i insisted and insisted this was the right thing (yes, the 65% increase blinded me with greed!) and cited what would be the argument i'd use to shut people up whenever they'd ask why: tumutulo ang bubong ko.

incidentally, at the time i was waiting for the real estate company's decision, i had mentioned about the application to a friend and he told me -- as he always does -- to forward to him a copy of my resume since they had an opening in their legal department. since my resume had been recently updated, i forwarded it to him and thought nothing about it until i got offered the job by the real estate company and was given a july 31 deadline. i then followed up with him and he told me that he forwarded it to their hr and their hr forwarded it to the legal department so it would be up to the legal department if they'd call me or not. my initial thoughts: maybe it's a no-go.

apparently, i don't have the ability to predict the future: three days after real estate company offered me the job, they asked if i could come in for an interview. so i did and let's just say that while the salary wasn't 65% more than what i was currently receiving, it would still be higher than my current pay. and the non-cash benefits, well, the non-cash benefits were things that powerpuff girls were made of: sugar, spice, and everything nice, and a good dose of chemical x.

i spent an entire flight to cebu thinking about both jobs and while the second job trumped the real estate job on all fronts except the take-home salary, the real estate job was a sure thing.

those two weeks (i got an extension on the deadline since i was negotiating for some other benefits with the real estate company) were nothing short of hellish. all of a sudden, the things my friends were saying about the real estate company (i shouldn't go for it, the HR manager is a premonition of things to come, something good is bound to come sooner) were all fighting for attention inside my tiny little brain. i'm sigurista so if it were just a matter of certainty, i would've so gone for the real estate job. after all, the second company was this giant corporation with a giant parent company and giant sister companies and giant subsidiaries so i wasn't so sure that they'd accept someone (1) who didn't pass the bar on her first take (2) had barely a year of corporate work experience and (3) like me.

the notebook i carried around? oh, it was full of prayers and questions and charts (yes, i do charts comparing pros and cons when i'm worried) and got even riddled with more stuff after i sent the email to the real estate job turning down the job offer even with zero certainty that i was going to get the second job.

it was a tension-filled waiting period: the interviews were fine except that they were considering a number of other candidates. the test was easily scheduled but it was this complicated online thing that kept restarting (which made me afraid i was so screwing it up). the pre-employment medical check-up discovered i had an enlarged heart (all the more to love my crush with). they couldn't contact any of my references. but on the ferry between caticlan and boracay i received the text that would change my life forever.

you're in.

okay, this has been a long-winded post and i've yet to explain the title or the song. so here goes:

had i been stubborn, i would've accepted the real estate job in a flash. but in the end (which required major prayers, major patience, and major trusting in God's perfect plan), i got what i needed. and it isn't just the money, or the perks,or the benefits. having been accepted by this job and all the wonderful words people have told me after they've found out i was leaving affirmed the fact that i am good at what i do and i deserve the things that come my way.

in between the real estate job offer and the second job offer, i received this email from my gwapo boss. my previous bosses had all asked me to stay, MPC telling me that i was crazy to leave government work and the partners telling me i had so much promise in litigation to give up so soon, but this one letter, sent even before i had made a decision to move forward, was the letter that told me that the day i tool the LAE was the day i said yes to not just work as a lawyer, but to a vocation of changing lives.

Hi Rosa,

Now that you have been with our company almost one year, I wanted to give you some observations of how you've done with the Company and your possible future.

First, you have been very valuable to the Legal Department and to the entire company. Specifically, the work you participated in ... November 2010 and more recently in June and the governance processes that resulted despite challenging circumstances demonstrates your willingness to do the tough jobs and produce material results. Additionally, your work on labor issues ... has been very helpful. In fact, as one of your interests, specifically, your enthusiasm with labor issues can contribute tremendously in building upon a culture that has made [the company] a leading local company but will need help and guidance in transforming it into a regional player. Also, your work on the ... project illustrates your initiative and management skills in coordinating the info gathering and communication internally and with our external partners. Moreover, the professional and personal way in which you comport yourself and perform your work is an excellent model for other women and men in our organization. We need more examples of young professional women.

Second, for your professional development, working under the guidance of Atty Jewel, you will have no better mentor in the legal field. She's one of the best I've encountered and you are extremely lucky to be able to work with and learn from her. Third, as I know you are also interested in CSR, you have a lot of opportunity to initiate some projects; you are only limited by your imagination. Please begin to design and implement any CSR projects you may be interested in leading. I will ensure you get the necessary support.

Finally, we are in the process of building a great company. It has not been easy nor will it get any easier changing the way people think or act; that's the challenge of building something great. At the heart of all this are the people - and Jewel and I see you as one of the key people who can help lead this company into the future.

I know that we still have a long way to go to pay compensation that is market rates. Hopefully, with the professional freedom, development, and significant responsibility to lead your own projects, we give you compensate for some of the financial sacrifices you make when working for us.

Atty Jewel told me that you are considering another offer. As you are an excellent worker, I am not surprised that you are receiving offers. While it is a very personal decision for you, I can say that working for our company you will be contributing in an important way to the community but also to our company culture especially as it goes through a transformation. Atty Jewel and I hope you can help us with this daunting challenge, something both visionary and frustrating. If you do decide to leave, I wish you much success. And if you ever need help or a recommendation, I would be privileged to write one. In such a short period, our company has been lucky to have you. I hope you will continue with us for a long time and have patience with us as we move toward a brighter future for the company. Please remember my door is always open to you.

Thank you,

L

t minus 35 days and counting

it's funny how fast news flies in this office. while the change has been pending for some time now (like a month and a half), only five people were in the know, my boss, my big boss, and three of my friends who were sworn to secrecy. monday, i told my boss, wednesday morning, i spoke with my big boss, and wednesday afternoon, i made the announcement to my department (that's the entire legal department of my company up there). by the time thina forwarded my resignation letter to the HR department yesterday afternoon, all the them knew already, not to mention the steady stream of people who've come up to me to basically say, "i've heard something about you."

while i will not pretend and claim that the change isn't keeping me awake at night from all of the excitement, i also cannot ignore the fact that from day one, this office felt like home. and from the corporate ignoramus that my boss hired last year, i'd like to think that i've gained skills that i would not have learned otherwise (skills which helped me get the new job, no doubt about it). this job also taught me how to deal with an entire office of people (my entire career has been spent in small tight-knit organizations. and while i did work in the government, working for a justice meant that you were basically a small office of ten or so people) especially with things like bullying, competitiveness, and cliques.

don't get me wrong - all the bad stuff above notwithstanding, the past 11 months (and i'm sure the next month as well) have been a blast. i'll always have fun memories of my boss ensuring that she gets me at least one red ribbon empanada during board meetings lest this one director (who happens to favor it as much, if not much more, as i do) leave me with zero empanada, memories of all the 50% off goodies at hi-top which is a trike (or a long walk) away from work, or the lunch break runs to trinoma to satisfy the shopping monsters that lurk deep within. this company. i hope they'll also remember fun times with me (although i hope they'll forget the time when i emceed the office christmas party and ended up being "best in smile" since i hardly said anything!) and that when they think of me in the future (like when it's deathly quiet cause my constant chatter isn't around to break the silence), they'll think of someone who was always ready with a smile, someone whom they could approach for help all the time, and someone who despite her short tenure, made a difference.

i've 35 days to go before i make the big jump. in between now and then, there's a couple of things i have to accomplish work-wise. but more importantly, between now and then, i hope to build great memories with everyone in this pic, just so that when they think of me in the future, they'd remember not the girl who left so soon, but the girl who made the most of her 365 days.

bagong buhay

gosh ... ang haba ng hair ko diyan. literally.

dalawang linggo na ang nakakalipas mula nang putulin ko ang buhok ko. ilang linggo na lang, feeling ko, baka pwede ko na muli siya itali. iniisip ko din na siguro, bago ikasal yung kaibigan ko sa 15 december, hindi na rin siya masyado fluffy. normal fluffy na lang siya. at saka siguro, pagdating ng pasko, sanay na ang madlang people na makita akong maikli ang buhok.

parang weird yung pakiramdam ko talaga sa short hair ko. nakakatuwa na madaming natuwa sa kanya ... madaming nagsasabing mukha akong bata (dahil ba kamukha ko na si dora the explorer), madaming nagsasabing bagay siya, at madaming na-i-impress na naipaputol ko yung ganung kahabang buhok.

pero inasmuch na madaming natutuwa, madami ding nagulat, nanghinayang, at nagpahiwatig ng bewilderment kung paano ko nagawa ito sa sarili ko.

oo nga naman, siopao na nga, lalo pang pinagmukhang siopao ang sarili.

then again, madaling sabihin sa sarili, hoy lola, tutubo din yan. at saka madali ding isiping wala akong choice nung mga pahahong iyon.

pero, gosh, pag nakikita ko yung dati kong buhok, at maayos siyang tingnan sa picture, napapaisip na din ako, bakit ko ba siya ginupit.

bachoy lang pala katapat ko

if there was one thing that i felt bad about when i left my previous job, it was the fact that i would never again be able to eat the bachoy from my favorite stall in the food court. don't mistake it for la paz bachoy - the bachoy that i'm referring to is made of miswa noodles and liver and a little pork (i think) with a weird mucous-like (at least to my mind) consistency. i first had a taste of it college, when the food service in ilang-ilang would serve it on fridays. i loved it so much that on the fridays that they served it, i'd choose to stay in the dorm instead of going home, postponing my weekly trip home to saturday morning.

bachoy was ♥

i stopped eating it -- cause i couldn't find it anywhere -- after i graduated but the memory remained. so imagine the extreme joy i felt when, one wednesday, i saw liver floating in a sea of miswa at the tektite canteen. bachoy was back and i was going to eat it every single chance i get. and since i had (originally) planned on spending the rest of my natural and productive life in that firm, barring the store's cook refusing me bachoy, or the food stall going out of business, i was going to have bachoy every single wednesday (or thursday) that they served it.

so when i finally decided to leave, i couldn't help but say goodbye to my beloved bachoy. and, as luck would have it, they served bachoy on my last wednesday there, which i ate with gusto. if i weren't eating with the managing partner, i would have probably ordered a take-home portion, and portions to freeze when i needed more bachoy in my life. i was saying goodbye to a diet staple and it was crazy tough.

on my first day at the new job, i learned that food here was (1) cheap and (2) good. the canteen ladies knew everyone by name, and it wasn't long (four hours to be exact) before they learned my name too. i was happy, no, i was ecstatic. but at the very back of my mind, i was still nursing my break-up with my bachoy. they could feed me all the yummy kalabasa and sayote they want (their vegetable dishes are yummy too) but they couldn't make me forget about love affair with miswa and liver.

and then today, as i passed by the canteen to reserve my lunch (you can reserve in the morning so you get the food you want), there it was on today's menu: bachoy, P25. i thought, what's the likelihood that it'll be my miswa-and-liver object of affection. then i figured, i can order half, and if it isn't, then i could afford not to eat it, right? so i told the manang, a half order of bachoy please (to go with my chicken afritada and half rice), and she said, yes, soup would do you good, so i was thinking, oh, it couldn't probably be what i thought it would be.

but the best surprises are those that come when you least expect them.

guess what i just had.

chicken afritada. half rice. and my beloved miswa-and-liver soup.

if this isn't a sign that i had made the right decision moving here, then i don't know what else would do the job.

time check

pagkatapos ng araw na 'to, na matatapos na in 48 minutes, may tatlong araw na lamang ako sa opisinang ito. sa loob ng tatlong araw na iyon, kailangan kong mag-attend ng hearing, i-withdraw ang appearance ng firm dun sa pro-bono case na ipinasok ko, tapusin ang mga time-billing ko, gumawa ng status report sa lahat ng kaso na nahawakan ko, at mag-draft ng isang formal offer of evidence. kailangan ko din makapagpakuha ng isang damukal na ID pictures, pumunta sa NBI para makakuha ng clearance, at tapusin ang isang milyon at isang requirements para sa bago kong trabaho.

nung una, parang kay layo pa ng october 1. sinong mag-iisip na bigla na lamang siyang andyan at bubulaga na siya sa akin sa biyernes.

may nagtatanong, bakit di ka muna magpahinga. sana nga pwede, kaso hindi ko afford mawalan ng trabaho kahit isang araw. may humingi din ng extension, kaso, super extended na ako dun sa lilipatan ko. it feels so nice to be needed, pero alam ko, it's not me, it's just that there's no one else -- yung bago kong trabaho, naka-maternity leave yung isang abogado, dito naman, isa na lang yung matitirang associate.

ma-mi-miss ko silang lahat dito. mababait ang mga boss ko, mabubuting mga tao. ang dami kong natutunan sa kanila, marami silang itinuro sa akin. siguro, sa unang pagkakataon, mahihirapan akong tumalikod, dahil, nasabi ko na nga, pangarap ko to ng napakatagal na panahon.

paano nga ba tumalikod sa pangarap?

nung una, parang ang dali, ang exciting naman kasi. bagong trabaho, bagong buhay, bagong lahat. ako lang yung luma. pero ngayong tatlong araw na lang bago magbago lahat, parang natatakot na ako. magigising ba ako ng maaga? magaling kaya ako sa corporate law? exciting nga ba talaga ang intellectual property law? sana, no, may mga sagot na dumating sa panaginip ko. kaso alam ko namang kahit matulog ako mula ngayon hanggang biyernes, hindi dadating ang mga sagot sa panaginip. mas malaki pa yung posibilidad na yung crush ko mapanaginipan ko kesa sa masagot ang mga takot ko.

gusto ko tuloy sabihin, Lord, pwede ba ang rewind? kaso lang, kung pwede ang rewind, eh di ni-rewind ko na din to the time na hindi ako pumasa sa bar. or, dun sa panahon na inaway ko ng bonggang bongga yung gwapo kong boyfriend. pero walang rewind, walang do over. yun ang nakakainis sa panahon, parating isang direksiyon lang. tipong tricycle, walang reverse.

pero siguro, maganda din yun. after all, kung paulit-ulit ang nakaraan, paano ka din makaka-move-on, diba?

the end of an era

almost two years and two months ago, i said goodbye to my government job and chose to be a "real lawyer." i said goodbye to my RATA, very good friends, 4:30 dismissal, and super affordable shuttle in lieu of expensive parking, long working hours, and crazy clients. in turn, i truly felt how it is to be a lawyer, i got my own office, and a secretary named benny. excited? i was more than excited. i had dreamed of working for my labor professor ever since he inspired me in class. of the many law firms i applied for, this was the one job that i really, truly wanted. so when i got the call for an interview, talo ko pa yung nanalo sa lotto.

so just imagine how it felt like when they hired me. i was so happy i could cry.

and i guess my bosses knew that, hence the extreme surprise that crossed their faces when i finally told them i was resigning.

when i joined the firm, i thought this would be my life. i thought that one day, i'd see my name out in front -- a name partner, the person who makes the decisions, and (hopefully) the person who brings home the big moolah. i had great visions of fixing the docket so that they're more organized, training the non-legal staff to make them more professional, and tapping my entire phone book to get more clients for the firm. when i bagged my first client, i was ecstatic -- finally i was doing not only an employee's job, but also a partner's job.

i never thought that i'd draft a resignation letter and tell them that i want out.

when i spoke with one of the partners and he tried to figure out why i was leaving, i couldn't give him a straight answer. i had a fuzzy idea why i wanted to leave, but i couldn't put into words the million and one emotions that were crossing my mind at any given time. there was a part of me that wanted financial security. another part felt i wasn't really cut out for litigation. i was disappointed in myself that i couldn't really force myself to be an advocate for certain cases. i had a falling out with an officemate. and a million other more thoughts i can't quite put a finger on.

but at the end of the day, it all boiled down to one thing: i don't wake up in the morning looking forward to being at work.

i am thankful that i am single, and i can still afford to jump ship when i feel like it. i am blessed that some company wanted me enough to accede to certain demands and wait for my to complete my thirty-day notice. i'm happy that i'm looking forward to greater adventures as i switch gears and head off a different direction.

a new world awaits on october 1. i hope it'll be bigger, better, and brighter than the one i'm in right now. and if it's not, as long as it's something that i'll look forward to doing each and every single day of my life, then it's good enough for me.

change

you know how they say that things come when you least expect them to come?

well, that's exactly how it happened: a text message on a tuesday night, which i was *thankfully* able to act on immediately since i was at tita mayu's and had internet access. the reply came on a wednesday morning -- go go go.

a bazillion emails, text messages, and much praying all around, i got my answer.

and you know what's the cool part? things were extremely different friday night -- i wanted it, but i didn't know exactly how to make things happen. then came the day of prayer when some realizations just came to me and i knew this was something i had to do, as long as some conditions were met. so i fired off an email first thing this morning, and more texts and emails were exchanged, and tonight, i said yes.

maybe i'll finally say goodbye to cafe world, and maybe blogging won't be as frequent anymore. maybe tweets will have to stop. maybe you'll see less of me. i don't really know. but one thing is for sure: change is definitely coming.