forgive me spike for i have sinned

dear spike,

you know i love you. you know that we've been through thick and thin, through handsome boyfriends and fugly ones. you were there when i flunked the bar and when i passed the bar. you kept me company through every job interview, lugged my stuff home after i left the UP dorm system, my teaching job, my government job, and my law firm job. you brought me places near and far, and you don't mind when i make you fly (at least as much as you can fly) and sometimes ignore humps.

you, spike, are the best.

a month ago you shocked me when your aircon stopped being cold. and you shocked me more when the talyer said you might need P12,000 to get better. i took you to your version of asian hospital, you know for a second opinion, and they agreed. and, oh, they even said it might even cost me more, in the event there are maladies that they might have missed in their cursory inspection. plus it's going to take time -- like a week, if not more -- cause they'll have to order the parts and take the engine down (or something like that). so i promised, maybe after the break. after all, we do need to lug all my presents and what nots to QC for the holidays, right?

then bathroom repairs took over. you know, i may have bored my readers talking about my plumbing woes and leaky pipes. but you, oh you were the best. you just took me to ace hardware and wilcon builder's depot and my friend's hardware store without fail every single time i needed another elbow joint or epoxy or pvc pipe. we went around metro manila in aircon-less conditions, and your upholstery might have gotten ickier in the process, but you carried on. you're my steadfast little soldier, and i love you all the more for it.

after i said goodbye to the plumber last sunday, and promised myself i'll hold off all repairs until i get my next bonus, you probably thought, hey it'll be my turn. you probably had visions of being brought to the casa, getting your aircon fixed and repaired, and consequently, being able to spend more time with me since you'd be fully operational after the quick trip to the doctor.

that was the plan, really. it was sooooo the plan. until i told my officemates, hey, let's go to trinoma. you see, i saw some perfect ceramic stuff where i can store my kitchen sponges. at Php29.50 a pop, they'd only cost me Php59. no biggie, right? but then my boss brought us to designer boulevard, her personal shoe haven. and i flipped over this uber gorgeous steve madden round toe slingbacks to discover that the pair i wanted was on sale. on super happiness kind of sale. and then my officemate pointed out that it came in two other colors. i was able to resist the black pair (way too many black pairs of shoes, IMHO) but the bronze and pewter ones, ooohhhh, i was a goner.

i paced back and fort, pretending to think it over. but you must understand, these were shoes. shoes!!! you see, spike, before there was you, there was my love affair with shoes. i LOVE shoes. i used to make at least two trips (with a cart!!!) from my dorm room to the car just to bring out the shoes i've stashed beneath by dorm bed. i had shoes with me in my law school yearbook creative pic. i love you spike, but i guess i am addicted to shoes.

can you just imagine how pretty and confident i'd feel wearing them to work (as a matter of fact i'm feeling mighty pretty and confident right now)? so, i'm hoping you'd understand. i'm relying on the hope you'd understand. i'm so sure my love for you isn't unrequited. so inasmuch as i love you and have forgiven you for breaking down just when i needed you the most, i'm pretty sure you'd understand and forgive me too for breaking down and buying two pairs of shoes when i should've been setting aside money for your repairs.

and if you don't, well, so shoe me. (hahaha. i so have a sense of humor. tee-hee)

with much love,

rosa

hmph

dear boss,

how are you? i hope you're enjoying KL just fine. i enjoyed it when i was there, and knowing the fun person that you are, you're probably having a blast.

then again, you're away from your boys, so i understand why KL won't be as fantabulous as it would be on any other day.

anyway, in writing this post, i'm following your orders to blog. you see, i haven't been writing much, not for lack of stuff to write, but maybe just cause there's too much fun to be had at work. i mean, i work a stone's throw away from hi-top where near-expiry stuff (i don't really care about expiry dates, haha) abound. and the food (as you've raved about) is dirt cheap AND yummy.

and let's not even begin talking about your imaginary boyfriend. he's major major eye candy ... i think he must be the number one reason why i accepted this job notwithstanding that i now have to wake up at 5:00 a.m. each day.

thanks, by the way, for wonderful stuff that you say about me all the time -- in your emails, whether they be addressed to me or to your imaginary boyfriend, in our conversations, and now, in your blog. until now i can't believe i'm the same person you write glowing words about -- you may not know this but for the longest time i wanted to quit being a lawyer already. i don't think my past bosses were very happy about that, but ever since i started more than a month ago, i can't help but be thankful for each and every day that i'm here. i'm THAT happy.

or maybe it's just that i'm well-fed. you can never really tell. hahaha.

anyway, we're all doing great in here. "mama" is within the vicinity so i have to be spiffy and smart and alert (and yes, doing lawyer-ly stuff), so this will have to be it ... for now.

glad to be here,

rosa

tapos na po. bow.

Hon. XXXXX Santos
Presiding Judge
Branch XXX
Regional Trial Court of XXXX
National Capital Judicial Region

Dear Judge Santos,

I'm sorry to be saying goodbye to you through this blog. After all, I strongly doubt that you go online to google crazy lady lawyers you meet in court. But, at our hearing last Tuesday, it seemed inappropriate to tell you that today would've been my last day with this firm. I mean, you don't really care, right?

In the unlikely event, however, that you'll find yourself this, can I just thank you for remembering who I am? Well, not really, since you think that my second name is my family name, but the fact that you can still put a name to the face is admirable. Everyone loves the feeling of being recognized and you gave me that.

Thank you, too, for teaching me the value of humility. By your rulings, you have made me realize that I would get more favorable rulings if I were to submit to the Court rather than argue about it on the most trivial of points. (Oooohhh, how you totally put me down right after I attempted to be cocky in court took me down big time). You showed me how I should pick my battles, and how to pick the ones that I'd win, and win big.

Thank you that you never made me feel small. I may have stuttered, or I may have rushed through my opening lines on the first day (Good morning, your honor. Atty. Rosa x x x x respectfully appearing as counsel for defendants x x x x, together with Atty x x x, we are ready your honor) but you listened. Thank you for waiting for me, sometimes, to figure out exactly what I was objecting to. And, how can I forget -- thank you for making me laugh the day you tried to translate "masukal" into english. Unfortunately, your honor, it's english translation is not grassy although I will admit you gave it a good try.

I don't know if I'll ever have the privilege of appearing before you again in court. I also don't know if, by some miracle, you'll remember me if and when we bump into each other one of these days. I hope so, though, and I pray that one day, I'll have the chance to say all of these things in person. All in all, I think I must've appeared before you more than twenty times. And save for that one time that you made me feel small for being so haughty, you've always been the man you were supposed to be - a judge, always fair, always listening, always figuring out the best way to make things work for all concerned.

Continue to hear our case fairly, please, as my clients truly need a favorable ruling on this one. I'll still be drafting the formal offer of evidence so please make it easy on us and admit the evidence we submitted. Say goodbye to Atty. xxxx on my behalf. She may have hated me when I objected to each and every question she raised, but she was a good person, albeit always late for court.

I will miss you, Judge Santos, as I will miss my bosses, colleagues, and friends in this law firm.

But a new life awaits, and I can't wait to start that life ... fourteen hours from now.

Respectfully yours,

Rosa

P.S. I checked google and "masukal" is translated as filthy. Not quite the same, right? But then again, at least we all know what that witness meant when he used the word. Thank God for cellphones and pictures, even if Atty. XXX may not agree with me.

handa ka na ba sa akin, cristine reyes?

bata pa lang, hindi na ako payat. take note, hindi ko sinabing mataba, kasi hindi naman ako masasabing mataba, ngunit hindi rin ako yung batang payat na mahirap pakainin. sabihin na lang natin na katamtaman yung katawan ko.

kaso lang, mahilig ako kumain. at yung genetic material ko, well, wala rin akong kamag-anak na payat. ang masama pa dun, bilugan ang mukha ko. kaya kahit payat na ako, bilog pa din ako.

sadness, diba?

tapos, nagkasakit pa ako, inoperahan, binigyan ng gamot, at yun, talo ko pa yung lobo sa paglaki. it's as if nilagyan ako ng helium at unti-unting lumaki hanggang sa kulang na lang ay pigilan ako kumain ng aking ina.

eto, tingnan niyo -- may visual aids ako for your reference and perusal.

diba, medyo kadiri levels na siya. yung picture, kayang ayusin sa photoshop. pero yung self-esteem ko, hindi kaya. i'll need something more powerful than a computer program.

at, kung hindi pa sapat yung namumutok kong pictures nung bakasyon, kanina, dumaan ako sa isang clinic para sa pre-employment check-up. habang nag-susulat yung doktor, binasa ko yung chart sa kanyang opisina. may levels: normal, overweight, obese I and obese II. nung una, inisip ko, siguro overweight, at the most, obese I. isipin mo na lang yung laking gulat (at lugmok) nang mabasa ko na obese II ako for my height and weight.

ayan po, isang visual aid muli, letrato ng isang obese II ayon sa height and weight chart ng doktor.

at, ayon din sa chart, kailangan kong mawala ang 50 to 70 lbs para ako maging normal. hmmm, yun yung timbang ko pagka-graduate ko sa college at sobrang cute. ngayon, medyo cute na lang, at mataba pa. hmph.

pero, dahil mahal ko ang sarili ko, at mahal ko din yung crush ko (yihee!), may resolution na ako. at this time, wala nang atrasan, totoong buhay na.

magpapapayat na ako. para normal ang weight ko. para maging extra cute muli ako. at, malay natin, para mapansin na din ako ng crush ko. (yihee muli!)

kaya, cristine reyes, alam ko, twelve years younger ka sa akin. at alam ko din na ikaw ang top 1 sa FHM 100 hottest last year. pantasya ka ng kalalakihang pinoy.

sa cuteness level, sige, lamang ka na din kasi may dimples ka. pero maganda din naman ang resume ko. at hindi ako sexy star, so malamang, hindi ako magkakaisyu sa pamilya ng crush ko (yihee for the third time) pag ipinakilala nila ako sa kanya. kaya maghanda ka na. papapayat din ako, at magiging sexy tulad mo. and who knows, baka maging karibal mo na sa FHM top 100 next year.

handa ka na ba?

the ex factor

sa (dati) kong mahal na ex-boyfriend,

oo, alam ko na gwapo ka. aaminin ko na sa aking mga ligaw na panaginip ay naiisip ko pa rin kung gaano ka-cute ang mga anak natin kung nagkatuluyan tayo.

at, oo, fabulous ka. feeling ko talaga prinsesa ako pag nakasakay ako sa napakagara mong auto and kapag ka-holding hands kita sa mall. mataas ka. maporma. agaw pansin. kaya't kahit na alam kong super cute ako (wag nang kumontra ☺☺☺) ay alam ko din na pag may nakakakita sa atin dati, iniisip nila ay, mahal ni God si sister. wagi.

yes, wagi ako. at kahit na inutangan mo ako at hindi mo na ako binayaran muli (kainis, pangbayad yun nung bar petition ko) at kahit na medyo certified na from a psychologist na hindi kita dapat i-consider muli, minsan naiisip ko pa din na it doesn't get any better than the time we spent together. ay, bitter-bitteran po. pero, keber. kahit na ano sabihin ng iba, medyo mahirap ka palitan. at kung magiging totoo ako sa sarili ko, kahit na limang taon na mula nung naghiwalay tayo ay hindi pa rin kita napapalitan. yung mga ni-date ko ... hay, hindi sila counted.

pero, ipasangtabi mo lahat ng mga sinulat ko ngayon. kasi isipin ko man ang lahat ng nasa-itaas, ay may nakakalimutan ka pa rin tuwing tatawagan mo ako out of the blue:

una, hindi mo na ako girlfriend.

pangalawa, hindi mo din ako abogado.

pangatlo, hindi tayo magkaibigan.

kaya, bawal ang favors, bawal ang free legal advice, at bawal pumunta sa bahay ko.

at kung kailangan mo ng abogado, may acceptance fee po ako at by the hour ang billing ko.

that said, my dear ex-boyfriend, yung tawag niyo po kaninang umaga ay P500 na po.

ang iyong nakaraan,

rosa

the first 44 days

dear president aquino,

i will admit that i did not vote for you. i voted for gibo for a whole lot of reasons. but a great number of friends and relatives chose you because of your integrity. and, while that alone was not enough to make me cast my ballot for yet another aquino in malacanang, i accepted the people's choice calmly. they have spoken, and despite your lack of experience, lack of laws passed, and (on a totally shallow note) lack of charisma, i believed that the choice they made was a fair choice.

after all, had you not won, it seemed that the alternative would be to have another six years of erap. and that, to me, was totally unacceptable.

half of the filipino population (or more) waited for your inaugural address. sad to say, i went to dapitan to shop with my friends. still, i heard so much about your famous speech, especially where you promised not to use wang-wang anymore. you definitely shocked binay with that order, i must admit.

i also admired you for promising during your campaign to impose no new taxes. i'm a middle-class single employee with zero dependents. the government's taxes has burdened me greatly over the years, and my only pampalubag-loob was the fact that i went to UP when tuition fee was still Php300 per unit -- four years of undergraduate education and five years (i did evening class) of law school meant that i have used up my fair share of taxes to be the person i am today.

like obama, you promised change. you were a breath of fresh air. you, the president's people, instantly became the symbol of hope that our country needed so badly.

so why am i disappointed?

you want to increase basic education for another two years. if you've been inside a public school classroom recently, you'd realize that another two years in an environment where very little learning takes place is just a waste of time. were you not informed that these children go to class as early as 6 am in some places because two more shifts have to use the classroom that same day? are you not aware that there is a major lack of teachers, not to mention qualified teachers, to teach subjects like english, math, and science? is quantity of education necessarily the same as quality? as a former educator myself, as a practicum coordinator who has fielded her own students to public schools, as someone who has visited more public school classrooms that she can remember over the last ten years, i can validly claim that before anyone should think of burdening parents with an additional two years, we must make the ten years that are already there worth it. quality first, mr. president, before quantity.

you want to increase revenue by taxing toll fees. the BIR claims that this translates to an additional 1 billion in revenue. still, how does this jive with your earlier promise of no new taxes? oh, right, VAT is already a tax, and therefore, to apply VAT to something that was not previously taxed is, technically your BIR people say, not a new tax. so are we going into technicalities now? i guess since you live in QC you are quite unaware of how toll fees are already quite burdensome ... a 12% VAT would mean that an ordinary motorist like me will have to resort to circuitous routes to avoid paying more than what i believe is reasonable. i don't even want to go into the question of whether or not it is proper to impose VAT on toll fees which, to the mind of some politicians, are already levies by the government which, to a certain extent, are taxes on the people.

you refuse to comply with holiday economics. so yes, the 21st is a special holiday, and yes, you did declare that saturday to be a non-working holiday. i also understand that some businessmen lose a great deal of money because of the movable holidays that GMA came up with. so i agree, celebrating our independence day on a day other than june 12 is weird. still, these 3-day holidays have done wonders for our tourism, and has given our overburdened workers the rest they need. in a country where an increase in salary is more imaginary than anything, i believe that these holidays are the mini-treats that buoys the spirit of the working class.

then again, who am i? i am largely apolitical at most. i have voted "trapo" in local government for years. as a matter of fact, embarrassing as it may be, i will admit to having voted for jaworski because my mom asked me too. but i'd also like to think that i am a filipino, with opinions and feelings, with ideas that matter. i know you are listening to your conscience. but please, mr. president, listen to me too.

*image from http://www.apl.org.ph/?p=807

pwede sana kitang mahalin, kundi ka lang sana isang closet jejemon

mahal kong j,

hindi ko malilimutan ang unang beses na narinig ko ang tungkol sa iyo. nasa opisina ako, nag-re-research sa lex libris nang biglang tumunog ang aking telepono at nakita kong tinatawagan ako ng boss ko.

sa loob ng ilang segundo bago ko sagutin ang telepono, maraming dumaan sa aking isipan, isa na doon ang tanong kung bakit ako tinatawagan ng boss ko gayong nasa estados unidos siya at nagbabakasyon. yun pala, may gusto lang siyang itanong -- okay lang daw ba sa akin i-set-up sa pamangkin nung kaibigan niya.

aba, bakit hindi po, ang sagot ko. hindi na ako nag-isip, siyempre. hindi ito dahil desperado ako (kahit na totoo ito minsan) ngunit dahil boss ko ang nagtatanong. mahal ko ang trabaho ko -- pag nagtanong, malamang oo ang parating sagot ko.

ngunit dahil nasa ibayong dagat ka at nandito ako sa pilipinas, inisip ko, malabong mangyari ang set-up. pero, ganun pa man, ni-research kita sa google. ako pa. magaling ako mag-stalk sa google. itanong mo pa kay tita mayu. marami kaming nahanap na katotohanan (o, more accurately, pruweba ng kasinungalingan) dahil sa aking google stalking/researching skills. at wag ka, nakakita ako ng letrato mo. ayan ... patas na tayo, alam ko na ang itsura mo.

makalipas ang ilang taon -- ang ilang taong mistulang panliligaw ng iyong tiyuhin upang bigyan kita ng "chance" -- ay nagkita na tayo. nagulat ako sa aking sarili sapagkat natuwa akong kausap ka. medyo nahirapan man akong mag-inggles ng ilang oras, masaya ka kwentuhan ng mga bagay-bagay, kasama na dito ang aking adiksyon sa hamburger helper at ang aking pangarap makapunta sa black friday sale. nagulat din ako sa aking sarili nang sumama ako sa iyong pamilya nung iyong huling araw dito sa pinas. nabuyo man ako ng sobrang daming kantiyaw, okay na. at least narating ko ang mt. samat at las casas filipinas.

ngayon, sa email na lang tayo nag-uusap. naiinis man ako dahil masyado kang madalang mag-email, okay na din. kasi, kahit gaano akong natutuwa kausap ka sa totoong buhay, hindi ko alam na kahit lumaki ka sa US at hindi na maaaring tawaging bagets, ay may bahid ka ng pagka-jejemon.

hmph.

sumasaiyo,

rosa

* image from http://tippytipay.tumblr.com