totally mean, totally crushing, totally something that shouldn't be written online, but was written anyway.

and spineless me didn't have the heart to throw it out.

would spandau ballet make you gay?

when asked why i did my review at ateneo instead of up, i'd always say it was because i was on the hunt for some hottie to replace the ex with. of course, that was only partly true, but come on, i've always wanted to date a blue blood. and as we all know, the proportion of hotties to non-hotties at the ateneo is way way better than that in up.

as they say, we got the brains, but we sorely lost out on the looks department.

the first couple of days in ateneo was sorely disappointing. the auditorium was filled to the brim with men (and women, but they didn't count. they were competition!) but none of them even came close to being crush worthy. i was, no pun intended, crushed.

but then some of the people stopped attending and classes began and so i was able to finally, finally zero in on some cute guys.

among the hundred or so cute guys, there was this cute guy that i liked and he was really nice and it didn't hurt that he did the up-ateneo combo (up undergrad, ateneo law). think a shorter raymond bagatsing. he was friendly and we made small talk every now and then and while he wasn't the guy that was on everyone's radar (harry potter - of the sipag boys - is THE guy to crush on apparently), my friends agreed that he will do.

bar boy, they said. someone to inspire you to attend the hundred or so lectures and go to the library and to resist eating that pint of ice cream for. a bar boy is way better than bar weight.

so bar review went ok, and aside from occassional lapses in judgment, i think i was pretty good in attending the lectures (but not in keeping up with my readings). and we threw each other smiles and little nods and the occassional side comments (ang bastos talaga ni justice, but funny!). life was swimmingly going well in bar boy crush land until one day, he noticed my hair color.

burgundy, he asked.

and then he noticed my eyebrows.

these must be difficult to maintain, he commented.

and then came the final straw.

after i sent him a text message declaring that johnny depp, to date, remains to be the hottest man on the planet, he replied, agreeing wholeheartedly to my comment and when pressed, gave me a filmography of johnny depp citing why this man is the timeless hottie that tom cruise will never be.

i was shocked, i was stupefied, i was ....

... i think i was crushed. after all, as pam pointed out, men know only one syllable colors. burgundy, and other three-syllable colors, is something men don't mess with.

i tried to let go of the possibility that i had developed an innocent crush who may be as into guys as i was. after all, maybe he just noticed my eyebrows cause he wanted to come near. and maybe he just agreed with the johnny depp observation to be agreeable. and burgundy, well, he may just have a really wide vocabulary.

but this moring, he SMSd, totally excited, that spandau ballet just came out with dvds of their old concert. and for some weird reason, it struck me, that this guy may, unfortunately for me, be gay.