an ex-boyfriend isn't supposed to call.

he's not supposed to call two months after your last hurried phone conversation, not after he told you he won't help you "fix" your ipod because, as he said, "kaya mo na yan."

he's not supposed to ask you how you are, and how your day was. he's not supposed to ask what you'll be doing the day after and how review is coming along.

most of all, he's not supposed to ask you if you're seeing someone else, and in the same breath tell you that, no, he isn't seeing anyone as well either.

god, i hate the rush of emotions that go through me when i hear him on the phone months after i've given up on him. i hate not knowing it was him when he first says "hi", automatically assuming it's someone else i was expecting to call. i hate the feeling i get thirty seconds later when i finally realize that it's him on the phone and that for some reason, he still knows my home number.

sometimes i wish he'd just stay away, stay dead insofar as i am concerned. it took a while for me to be able to drive by his house* without breaking, shifting to first gear, and looking through his bedroom window hoping i'd see how he is. it took a while for me to stop having these visions of him walking hand in hand with some sexy chick in atc. and, most importantly, it took a while for me to be able to go through a single night without crying.

and so, while i know i'm over you, and while i know that the possibility of me keying your car in frustration has died down to a minimum, i'm going to ask you to stay away for the meantime. forget we're going to be friends, forget we said we were best buds, and i'd appreciate it if you don't call me at all.

that is until you finally realize that i was the best you ever had and you want me back.

and maybe, just maybe, i'll think about it.

*no i'm not a stalker, it just so happens that his house is right smack there on tropical avenue. it's sheer torture. had i had the power to do it, i'd rezone bf and make him transfer to where i won't have to see his window every single effing day.