this coming schoolyear is some sort of biggie for me. i am supposed to ...

... finish law school by march 2005
... finally finish my MA by june 2004(god-willing!)
... teach a class i've never taught my entire life
... handle 13 practicumers scattered in the pasig-san juan-mandaluyong-quezon city area
... pretend to have learned something in my four years in law school while in OLA (office of legal aid)
... make sure that i graduate on time.

needless to say, i am scared shitless. my last semester wasn't exactly the best semester of my life. i think with the exception of my second semester in law school, this one is the worst i've ever had. i haven't set foot in law school since i submitted my last requirement, am absolutely not confident with any of the exams i took, and therefore am scared of being faced with my true copy of grades when i go there for enrollment later.

sometimes i am great at pretending that i'm doing very well. sometimes, i am even able to convince myself that i am a superwoman and am actually capable of doing everything on my checklists. but ultimately, when i find myself plastered in bed by ten and unable to even dream as i sleep, i get scared and realize that at 27, i have to color regularly to hide the white hairs on my head and have lost an ovary probably due to stress.