the big fight

in spite of what you've been posting on your blog, or what you've been saying to your family and friends, or what you've been pretending to feel, in reality, you're beginning to fall in love again. you've come to realize that it's really not the master's degree that you're looking for, or witty comebacks to your jibes but the rock solid dependability that he has grown to represent in your life. he's your anchor, and when you smash your car onto a pick-up truck's back, and it's raining outside, and your hands are still shaking because you dont' know whether you're more scared of the accident or of your mom killing you because you had an accident, he's the first person you call.

you know he's not like the others you've dated. he doesn't flake out on you. he loves you more than life itself. he has little index cards filled with tidbits about you, like how you hate red roses and how grasshopper mint pie happens to be your favorite dessert. he remembers that tax is on saturday from 9 to 12 and that part of your job requires you to go on school visits every two weeks. he's the one who in spite of having been shouted at and ignored, would take you to the mall cause you feel like you want to be friends again and want to bond.

as the song goes, he's everything you want, he's everything you need.

but last night, he just kept ignoring calls and text messages. three hours later, he goes on to tell you he just had too much fun. sounds familiar. yeah. it sounded so much like the one you loved the most but broke your heart into tiny little bits.

so i had to say, i'm sorry. i know we were trying to work things out again, but no. you did the one thing that could send me crawling back to that dark dreary place where love is something that people try not to feel, or even remember. and last night, i did.