valentine humbug

by 6 p.m. on friday the thirteenth, i've started to believe that the gods have been conspiring to make v-day swell for me. my half-month salary was in the bank, saturday morning teacher cancelled class, aunt became free the entire saturday to help me cook, and students have helped me put together everything i needed for the plan. i should've known better.

the plan, at best, was a disaster.

i got everything covered, that is except the venue. evidently, that was enough to tick him off. suffice to say, it ruined our valentine's day.

we fought when we both got in the car, we fought when we just decided to take separate cars and go to my house and have the picnic there, we fought when we got to my house, we fought when he left, we fought when he got home and it was three in the morning and couldn't figure out whether what we had was worth keeping.

we both woke up exhausted, yet still very mad at each other. we had awkward phone conversations throughout the entire day, not knowing whether the "i love you's" we say at the end of each call still meant anything. no angry words this time, no shouting, no tears, and yet everything was bubbling beneath the surface.

at ten in the evening, after a very uneasy dinner, we talked.

we're good for another round. no one's giving up on anyone, at least not yet.

so over the weekend, i've lost whatever idealism i had for valentine's day. yes, vanessa, it's a highly commercialized event aimed at helping flower shops rake in money. yes rey, too much planning sometimes leaves you more disappointed than happy. there is nothing right now that will make me even remotely look forward to it next year.

still. last night, as i was lying in my bed thinking of what could've been - a nasty break-up before my nego midterms - i realized that i've finally found the one my heart, mind, and soul loves. i've finally found the one who's not just there for the ride but someone who is willing to sit behind the wheel with me and determine our direction together. i've found not only a partner, but a good friend.

i don't know if this is the great love that gary keeps talking about. i don't know if this is my mad passionate love. i don't even know where we'd find ourselves next week, next month, or next year.

but i'm glad, because today, we still have each other.