you're really cute and i want you to meet him

i've never really been big on female friends. chalk it up to the horrible experience of wasting more than half of a twenty-minute recess waiting for my friends outside the girls' cr as they brush their hair, powder their faces, and preen in general in front of the mirror along with two-thirds of the high school population of csa. girls are too difficult to deal with, if you ask me.

but then, as mark pointed out, if i really wanted to be a nice person (and no kidding, i really do want to be nice), the ultimate test will be to establish solid friendships with girls. in his oh-so-authoritative voice (not like he speaks in any other tone, but fine), he goes on about men are such easy creatures (as long as you're not dating them) and how women, are as tough to manage as metallic christmas wrappers.

so i'm trying. it's tough though listening to women talk about the loves of their lives, or dealing with a girl who just refuses to acknowledge that you're 26 and yes, you can manage your own car thank you very much. i still had difficulty seeing the good side of having a whole lot of women friends until a new friend uttered the magic words,

"you're really cute and i want you to meet him."

ha! apparently, the charm of having women friends is two-fold. first, they compliment you. they notice when you've finally mastered the art of putting blush on as if you're just blushing at the thought of something. they notice when you've done something really expensive to your hair. they know exactly how to cheer you up on that day when you're wearing your most lousy outfit. women can sense these things and they act on it, pronto.

second, they share. god forbid that your new male friend will introduce you to his other male friends. their simply too damn selfish for that. women on the other hand, know the value of passing on something that they have no use for anymore. that ex boyfriend who's really great and hot but simply not your match -- pass him on!

so there. if i do make it to this party tomorrow night, i'm going to make sure that i'm really cute and i finally get to meet him.

* * *

incidentally, there's a whole bunch of women out there who, like me, belongs to the 1/3 of the population who'd rather eat hot jamaican patties that preen in the washroom. and i'm really good friends with them.