why does my life feel like lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events?

over the weekend, the martian sent me a text message. he was worried over the status message i'd posted on facebook.

i can't exactly remember what it was, but i do know i used the word tragedy. because, truly, in my mind, i'm beset with a billion and one tiny tragedies these days.

it must've been effective cause yesterday, theonoski called (yes, called!) from halfway around the world asking me if i were okay and if there was something he could do.

both were apparently worried. i guess the rosa they knew was a far cry from the puddle of helplessness that posted that status message on facebook.

unfortunately, unless either of them could whip out a fabulous gown ala cinderalla's fairy godmothers in five minutes, there wasn't really anything they could do to help.

uhm, did you ask what gown? okay, here's the backstory.

a month ago, i finally got around to bringing the fabric my friend gave me to turn into a bridesmaid's gown to kamuning. i'm the ready-to-wear kind of girl, so i'm not exactly the person who had a list of gown makers in her cellphone waiting to be called. and then the gown is in gold, not exactly my favorite color, which meant that i wasn't really into bringing the fabric to some fabulous designer to whip into a gown for me. i wanted minimal expense, minimal worries, instant gown. hence, kamuning.

my friend and i settled on this lady who came recommended and who seemed professional enough. she took my measurements, looked at the cloth provided, and assured me that she could copy the gown i showed her a picture of. she likewise promised that it would be done in time for the wedding. so i gave her all the money i had in my wallet at that time -- P800 -- as deposit for the gown. we agreed that she'd call me when i can come over and fit the gown for the first time.

a week after i gave her the cloth and the deposit, she called me to confirm when the gown would be needed. i lied and said december 8. and then i asked, will it be done by then? and she said, yes.

so i waited. and i waited. and i waited some more. until it was december 6 and i sent her a text message asking when i could get the gown.

her reply should've sent a bazillion warning bells cause she was like, what gown? what color? what design? we exchanged several text messages, and she even called me once, cause she couldn't find/remember the gown that i was talking about. and then at around lunch time, she called and asked for my waistline.

more warning bells.

long story short, she assured me the gown would be ready. so i was calm. i said, i'd pick it up wednesday.

but then wednesday came and she called and claimed that she forgot i was going to pick it up and she'd left for the day to visit a client so can i pick it up the following day instead?

oh--kay .... warning bells, warning bells, warning bells. felt like i was inside the carillon.

thursday, she called again. she was going to be out, can she just deliver the gown to me. i said, bring it over to the office. but then she replied, uhm, i'll be late, like 8 pm. i'll bring it to your house.

my boss then said, ask her to bring it to my house. so i gave her my boss' address, and i waited, and waited, and waited for a text to arrive from my boss saying that the gown is there.

by 9pm, i couldn't wait any longer. so i texted modista again. 11 p.m. pa daw. i said, no, bring it over to the office tomorrow.

friday. it was the point of no return. this lady better deliver or i'd be dead. i texted first thing in the morning and she replied saying she got detained by a customer so she'd be a little late. by lunch time, she still wasn't around, so i texted again. she called and said, could i pick it up, she was busy.

i blew up. i demanded that she bring it ASAP cause it was her fault that everything was so delayed already. i confronted her by asking if she really had the gown ready cause it seemed as if she were stalling.

the gown finally arrived at 4 p.m. she basically handed it over to me and she ran away. without getting the balance of her payment.

that's the only good thing -- cause the gown was tiny. as in five inches too tiny. as in even if i did not eat for five days i still wouldn't fit inside the gown. as in i wouldn't fit in the gown even if i cut off my boobs.

long story short: i scoured baclaran for solutions. the following day, i was able to bribe a man into making an entirely new gown for me. i had to find tela and the closest available tela was a shade too light. i don't care. it would either be that or cut off a boob.

and we all know how expensive it is to cut off a boob. even more expensive than growing a boob.

i hope they'll just photoshop my dress to make it the same shade as the other bridesmaids. i hope no one will notice. i hope it'll be fine even if they notice. and if someone would ask me why my gown is a shade different, then i'll tell bore them with this story.

but wait -- where's the series of unfortunate events?
well:
1. my faucet broke.
2. my pipes burst.
3. my key broke.
4. my car battery died.
5. my car aircon will cost me 12.5k.
6. my window is broken cause i had to break in when i left my house keys inside my car which was parked 33kms away.

a gold (gold!!!) gown being five inches too small being delivered five days before a wedding ... well, that just kills me.

i dream of circles

... or more accurately, of the buffet at circles ☺

a long time ago, hotel buffets were just an offshoot of overnights with tita celia at various hotels. breakfast buffets meant all the bacon and corned beef i could eat, not to mention all the lovely fresh orange juice and waffles with whipped cream.

and then i worked for justice mpc, who loved to eat (but had a waistline way smaller than mine, so hateful, i know!). one day she told us she'd feed us at spiral, this fabulous (then) new buffet at sofitel.

what can i say? the world was never the same again. i fell in love with every single thing i shoved into my mouth. i remember being so full already, but then i spied pumpkin soup, so i ate once more, rationalizing the act by saying that the warm soup will melt all the stuff i had already eaten, thereby assisting me in the digesting process.

she fed me there again after i helped her with her mom's 80th (or was it 75th? 70th?) birthday party. but then she discovered more restaurants to bring us to, and that was the last time i stepped inside spiral (woe is me).

i switched jobs in 2008 and it came as a major surprise when, on my second day, the receptionist informed me that they will be having a welcome dinner for me at heat. oooohhh... i have had breakfast there, but never dinner. i was excited, and took it as a sign that i had made the right decision switching jobs.

but, boo-ness, since after that dinner, we never ate anywhere swanky again.

so i moved jobs again (no, there's no correlation between buffets and the jobs i accept) and what do you know ... my boss willingly adds to the december meeting budget and takes everyone to buffet at circles.

ooooohhhh. i can imagine it now.

steak.

lobster.

shrimp.

dessert.

more steak.

oysters.

prosciutto ham. (i hope)

more dessert.

maybe pumpkin soup.

and even more steak and more dessert.

i've got less than 24 hours to go. while i'm busy working, my mind is floating where no diet has gone before.

say it with me.

steak. oysters. dessert. shrimp.

i need a hero

yes, i am independent. i am able to do minor plumbing repairs.

and, yes, i know enough not to panic when the battery in my car runs out because motolite is just a phone call away.

and, so what if my key has broken in half? a side trip to ace hardware and some fidgeting with a scredriver and philips will give me a spanking brand new front door lock in no time.

i am an independent woman who thinks she can do it all.

except yesterday, i left my house keys in my car. and my car happened to be in the office parking lot. so, a trike ride away from the house, i began dreading the inevitable -- how the heck am i going to get inside me house?

i texted pazi, who panicked along with me. and i texted dek, who asked me what'll i do now. i didn't even text person x -- i knew him well enough to know he won't be able to do anything.

in the end, i texted my ultimate knight in shining armor. he's the friend who would wake up early in the morning to bring me and my family to the airport. he's the friend who'd not only lend me his maid to ensure my house gets cleaned big time at least once a year, but would also buy new drill bits when i borrow his old ones (not to mention buy screws and the thingee you insert into the holes you make with your drill so the screws will have something to hold on to). he's the friend who'd bring you home when you're car-less (and even when you're just too lazy to drive) and would listen to you repeat the same story twelve million times without telling you "oh, i've heard that already."

so my knight in shining armor arrived, and we climbed two gates and broke one window in tandem (yes, i make an awful damsel in distress -- i had to be in on the adventure with him) so that we could finally get inside the house. it was embarassing enough to have been pretending all this time to be an independent woman only to call him when the going gets tough, it was even worse that he had to see the gubat that i had allowed to grow on the path on one side of my house, as well as my laundry gaily swinging in the breeze. and let's not even get to the part where i climbed said gates in a dress -- i'm just thankful that i left my four-inch heels at work and commuted home in my crocs. otherwise, a lawyer in heels and pearls climbing up her home's two gates would've been truly tragic.

my knight in shining armor, in true hero fashion, even suffered a minor injury along the way. but, ever gallant, he brushed it off and said, it'll be fine in a bit. i hope it is much better now ... we can't have knight in shining armor getting tetanus or something like that.

the night ended with a much needed trip to secret goto place, and major laughs about the "tragedies" i seem to get myself into all the time. in the end, i promised to duplicate my keys and leave a copy where they'll be easily accessible (translation: with knight in shining armor, of course). hopefully, with that done, i won't have to go through the trouble of scaling walls and braving crazy growing plants in the dark.

then again, if something like this happens again, well, i know who i'm going to call. and it ain't going to be the ghostbusters.

*image from http://www.cartoonstock.com/

the weekend that was

after a bazillion fights, a million late nights, and thousands of meetings later, 4 december 2010 finally arrived. it was KAP10 finally.

31 centers, with a contingency of anywhere from 5 to 36 kids plus 2 to 4 coordinators each, 200++ volunteers, and almost a hundred guests. there was an opening program, arts and skills competitions, peryahan, sports, talentadong pinoy, and an afternoon cultural show. everyone arrived looking half asleep at 6 am, and everyone left looking just about dead at 6 pm. it was a wild and crazy day. but if i were to sum up the entire day in one word, it was FUN.

it so hard to put into words the chaos that led to the day itself, and the chaos that was the day itself. let me just say then that it's finally over, a lot of kids were made happy in a span of twelve hours, and finally, life can go on.

and for me, that means buying christmas presents, getting the house in order, finally contacting the plumber to get my bathroom and kitchen ready for the christmas party at home, getting my car fixed, attending a wedding where i'll do the first reading, be the program emcee, and be a bridesmaid for the nth time, and emceeing the office christmas party.

on early mornings, late nights, and physically hitting someone in between

when i started with this company, i told myself, i'll be a model employee. i'll arrive on time, i'll ensure everything gets finished before the deadline, and i'll go way beyond what is expected of me.

and of these three, being early requires the most effort from me. i'm not an early bird, neither am i a night owl. i'm the person who'd sleep every chance she gets, and lists down "sleeping" as one of her hobbies. so for some reason, i've always taken jobs that would allow me to work flexi-time, or at least one that wouldn't require me to time in and time out every day.

until now. while one of the perks of my position is that i don't get deductions for tardiness (or at least i believe it's one of the perks, i've never tested it yet), i have to ideally be in by 8 am.

that's everyday. from monday to friday.

and oh, my work is in qc. and i live in las pinas. that's 28.5 kilometers. with traffic.

since driving almost 60 kilometers (roughly the distance from my house to tagaytay) every single day with all the maynilad diggings and skyway construction and holiday traffic isn't exactly something that i relish, i've taken to riding the mrt. as a girl, i get to ride the first car which is generally less stressful than taking the cars with mixed genders. but getting to the mrt requires a trike ride then an fx ride then a bus ride, then a 300 meter walk, before i actually get to board the train. and once i get to my stop, i have to walk around a kilometer before i can finally place my finger on the machine that'll log my arrival at work.

on my first month at work, i did great. i even arrived an hour before work starts on my first two days of work. and, while it went downhill from there, i arrived before 8 every single working day of october.

which isn't what i could say for november. 3 lates. or 4. i can't exactly remember. one happened though on the day my key broke.

so come december 1, i said i'd aim for a no-late record once more. except that the first day of the month happened to fall on a wednesday, baclaran day. and the diggings in the area have begun to cause major traffic. so, notwithstanding the lead time i had, i was five minutes behind schedule by the time i got to the mrt.

thus, it should be quite understandable if i was not only impatient with, but downright furious with this group of guys who attempted to cut in line in front of me. when they wouldn't take the hint with "excuse me, may pila po," i resorted to violence.

yes, violence. i actually pushed-hit the guy cutting in front of me and shoved him aside. and i did not mince any words at all. i did not curse, but i think telling someone how he is uneducated and hindi na aasenso is equally stinging.

i'd like to defend myself and say that i'm under a lot of stress, with KAP obligations and with my former firm still asking me to do stuff. plus it's less than a month till christmas and i haven't even begun shopping. but ultimately, i really have a short temper, and it's even shorter these days, and yesterday, as i was mulling over the sheer inefficiency of this person who shall not be named, the guy cut in front of me ... and i snapped.

i arrived three minutes - THREE MINUTES!!! -- late for work, and there being no grace period in our employee handbook, i was late, late, late. so much for being a model employee for november.

so there, i almost had an early start, and i physically hurt someone to ensure i got to work on time.

as for the super late night, let's just say i finished up at work a little before 11 p.m. and got home half past twelve. as to what happened on my trip home, that's the subject of yet another post.