trust in the unknown

almost ten years ago (has it been ten years already?), i was diagnosed with endometriosis. save for the random pelvic cramping, i had hardly any symptoms save for the spotting that i'd get in between periods.  since a friend had just had her ovary removed, i didn't think twice about going to the doctor to have myself checked out.  within a month, i discovered i had a condition that would threaten my reproductive future, lost one ovary, and learned to drive.

yep, that was also the same time i learned to drive.

i then crashed the car, got spike, sold spike after almost 9 years, got diego, and boom -- my doctor tells me that the endometriosis might be back. uh-oh.

right after my operation, my doctor then told me that i had to get married and have babies so that if and when my condition came back, it would be a no-brainer to get a hysterectomy.  if only suitable husbands grew on trees right? in my case, i finished law school, build a career brick by brick, and learned to be totally independent. somewhere alone the way, i had forgotten that i had to find a spouse, get pregnant, and raise a child.

as i type this post, there's a throbbing pain that won't go away.  the doctor told me to get a ca125 blood test to rule out cancer (very vague possibility, thank goodness!) and gave me something to take for the next ten days.  i have another appointment next week -- so that she can tell me the results of the blood test -- and i suppose a couple more ultrasounds to check the "progress" of the thing i'm growing inside of me.

but, you know what, i'm okay. i'm actually unafraid of whatever it is that may come my way cause as it is, God has already blessed me.  with all of my previous jobs, anything related to my reproductive system has been tagged as "pre-existing" since i got the condition before my employer got the insurance for me.  now, everything's covered, 100%!  all procedures, all consultations, all medications! now, isn't that blessing enough???