♪♫♫ Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? ♪♫♪

right now, it feels like things have turned into one big jumble of complications and i've run out of steam already. i've always been the type who'd go to a medical exam with zero fears - after all, while i'm crazy overweight, i've been weirdly healthy: i don't have high blood pressure, my cholesterol's normal. so, when i was asked to go get a physical, my only fear was that they'd take my excess poundage against me, or that my missing ovary might be a problem.

and then they saw an enlarged heart. now, i had an xray for my pre-employment exam in this company last september 2010 and another xray for the annual physical exam last february 2011 and both said that the size of my heart is normal. so, apparently, in six months, my heart grew. i'm thinking that since i'm not an athlete, it couldn't be the increased exercise. and since (1) i don't feel anything and (2) my heart was, and has always been, normal, this shouldn't be a problem. so, i wasn't scared when they told me to get an ecg.

according to the ecg, i have non-specific st-t wave changes. the nurse at the hospital told me that i might need to see a cardiologist and that this may translate to a 2D-echo or a stress test. so, i was scared. and then i texted my aunt, who said, "that's normal" and my doctor-friend who also said, "that's normal." my aunt even texted her cardio friend who confirmed that it's pretty "normal" so i was pretty confident when i dropped off my ecg results.

i guess the attending physician googles way less than i do because it took her a good 30 minutes of online searching (this was just a theory, mind you, but since (1) it took her 30 minutes to give instructions to the nurse and (2) she refused to actually talk to me) before the nurse -- who told me earlier to wait for the doctor so she could interpret my ecg results -- told me that my case would be forwarded to the medical director for "final clearance."

uhm, okay, i thought. i wasn't a happy camper, especially with pressure from all sides to figure this part of my life out. and now, this crazy doctor won't just tell me that i'm fine (or even that i'm not fine and ask for additional tests) and instead wants me to hold my breath for two days longer until the medical director decides my fate.

oooh, i've never been a patient person, so all this waiting is making me crazy. the last time i encountered anything of this sort resulted in one ovary being taken away from me, so i'm a bit nervous. then again, my entire family is a bit of a hypochondriac so my brain is telling me not to worry so much. at the end of the day, the chips will fall where they will, and for now, all i can do is wait.

even if the waiting is killing me more than my enlarged heart with non-specific st-t wave changes.