Bear with me. I'm feeling randomly twisted.

They say happy marriage is an oxymoron. Now check out the following:
1. Mabuhay Funeral Homes
Although I've never really seen this, my mom says it is located somewhere in Cavite. Viewing of the departed must be really something here, especially when they see the body in a natural sleeping position. (Suggested tagline: Parang natutulog lang siya)

2. Felix Long Hair Barber Shop
This one is located in the residential area near NAIA (Pasay side, bordering Paranaque). When the trip to the barber shop is merely to gossip and drink a round of gin bilog. Here, you won't find a warning sign that says, "Bawal ang nakasimangot" because, instead, the sign reads, "Bawal ang kalbo." (Suggested tagline: Pangit ka nagpagupit?)

3. Eskimo Sizzling
It's a hole-in-a-wall restaurant in Sta. Cruz near Carriedo. You think they serve penguin soup? How about chips of real iceberg in your glass? (Suggested tagline: Brrr! That's hot.)

There's nothing more biting to the wit than the concept of making attempted suicide a heinous crime. Final words would be, "Are you going or are you going?" Final-est words would be, "Or else!"

Discovery Channel predicts that by 2020, the number 1 killer of the human race would be depression and not cancer. To calm us down, sans the Prozac, light a ciggy. Who knows, by 2020, you would have beaten the depression. Now, I don't know about lung cancer. Oh heck. No one's immune to death, anyway, save for Pinocchio who'd probably end up as firewood.

A modern-day Pinocchio would be made of coco lumber. Or popsicle sticks.

Have you heard of the arsonist named Pinocchio? He's made of match sticks.

A psychiatrist conducts basic assessment on a brainy schizo...
DOC: May naririnig ka bang boses na kumakausap sa yo?
SCHIZO: Opo.
DOC: Meron? Anong sinasabi?
SCHIZO: Tinatanong po ako kung may naririnig akong boses na nagsasalita.