you'd think that after being in school non-stop for the last 23 years (2 years of pre-school + 7 years of gs, + 4 years of hs + 4 years of college + 2 years m.a. + the last 4 years of law school) i'd breeze into a classroom like it were my kingdom. after all, unlike everyone in my law class, i'm also a teacher, which means i know how it also feels to be the one dispensing the unos and the sincos.

however, i can't.

tomorrow's my first day of what would hopefully be the last year of law school and i feel queasy, tense, not to mention nervous as hell. and unlike the last four years where i've always managed to be with my blockmates, now i'm stuck with an OLA team with 9 other people i don't know (they're all from the day class, i'm from the evening class) and 3 electives that my classmates were smart enough to avoid.

unlike a pre-schooler, i've no mommy to hold my hand, no daddy to bring me to school in his shiny car, and yaya won't be waiting outside in case i need someone to be with. unlike in college, my boyfriend won't be in the same class, and neither would my high school barkada be waiting for me in casaa for lunch.

at 27, i'm too old to be feeling the jitters. i've bought my own car and i've had a major operation done on my already. i have traveled to davao on a super ferry alone and i've snuck to baguio and sagada and galera with my parents not knowing it (well, they did, AFTER i went to these places). i'm two years past my "i-gotta-get-married" target and i've learned to live with it. i've slept alone in my room after watching sixth sense and the others.

so i don't effing understand where this fear is coming from. but believe me, it's there.