adopt me, why don't you?

before my mom left for the US almost two years ago, she gave me a choice: do i come back for your graduation or do i come back for the bar?

last time we chatted on the phone, she asked the same question.

and the answer has always been the same: the bar, of course.

while half (or more) the boys in my block joined a fraternity and a quarter of the girls in my class joined a sorority or an all-girls org in preparation for the bar, i've always resisted joining if only because i think it's pretty lousy to join any organization simply because you want to ensure that you'd have slaves at your beck and call for the bar. i've always thought my mom would be behind me 100% for the bar. we'd chat about how we'd both check in the hotel and we'd make a party of it, just me and her, bonding like we've done so many times in the past. for once, i didn't mind her missing out on a graduation, just as long as we get to hang out for the bar. i'm not looking forward to the beer-ops, i was actually looking forward to a smashing parlor time with my mom after four gruelling weeks of studying.

but then yesterday, when she called, she told me that she might not be able to make it for september. there are so many things she wants to avoid in the philippines, especially since the BIR is still making a big deal even if the business had already paid its income tax. apparently they want more, and she can't give more, not without endangering her own financial stability.

at first i thought it was okay. "just come visit me in the states when you're done with the bar," she said, adding "i'll even take you to disneyland." but then as they day wore on and as i stared at my glow in the dark stars that night, i realized that my mom had let me down.

i remember me and my brother asking ourselves so many times if our parents don't appreciate us. see, others get gifted with cars for simply graduating. we had to work our butts out just to get driving privileges. parents get excited when their children graduate with honors, mine expected us to graduate with honors. parents who have migrated call and write their children regularly. mine don't.

last christmas i was so depressed that i told a good friend who had 7 brothers and sisters if her mom and dad would be willing to adopt me for christmas. surprisingly, her parents said yes, and her siblings asked questions like "do we have to call her ate also?" and "what is she like?" but no one said "no". it never really pushed through, but for that brief moment, i felt some glowing feeling knowing that someone out there would not mind having me as their daughter.

so sometimes, i can't help but think, maybe someone out there would want a daughter like me. and if that someone is you, then you can be my mom, and i'll be your daughter.

and we can both enjoy that bottle of beer at the beer-ops like its the best damn tasting bottle of beer in the entire world.