pressure

blogging on a daily basis can be difficult, and i'm rarely able to do it, but me, blogging twice in a day, that's a rarity.

but when your school's assistant dean practically forces you to get married and settle down with your boyfriend of five months because, in her words, he's got postura, well, you do find yourself attracted to a computer with an internet connection and begin blogging. immediately.

at 27, i know what pressure feels like. it's your roommate looking at you with pity because you're currently unattached. it's you hanging on to that single ovary left in your reproductive system hoping against all hope that it functions perfectly when you need it to do its job. it's attending countless weddings of friends and relatives and baptisms of friends' kids.

pressure is also an ex getting someone pregnant a couple of WEEKS after he got mad at you for not telling him that you've begun to date someone else.

but i'm also tired of the pressure. i'm tired of proclaiming, yet again, that so and so is THE ONE. i'm tired of optimism over small gestures, of empty promises of the future and what not. i'm tired of looking at wedding pictures of people i don't know while idly planning how my own wedding will be like.

this afternoon, while the assistant dean coolly interrogated me about my relationship with pat, i had to restrain myself from digging my stilettos onto her shin and grabbing her coiffed salt and pepper hair. the pressure's killing me. and asking about it ain't helping.

not one bit.