headfirst

i like jumping in headfirst.

i like the giddy sensation. i like the rush. i like the thrill of not knowing where i'll land, or how for that matter.

i've banged my head so many times sometimes, i'd like to blame it for my inability to memorize cases for admin law.

still.

here i am, rosa the romantic, trying to hold myself back from jumping in again. last night, i spent precious hours trying to figure out how not to jump, how to stand still, how to be patient.

i know i'm fighting a losing battle.

especially when the 25th comes around. cause the pilot will be coming home from his vacation.

that means we'll have to see each other face to face. i'd get to see how his cheeks dimple when he smiles. or how his eyes crinkle when he stares at you. i'll see how excited he gets over little things, like hello panda strawberry and flat tops in a care package. i'll hear his voice in long phone conversations, instead of hurried three-minute calls.

the distance over the last two weeks didn't kill what little we had to start with.

in fact, i learned a lot. i learned i could probably live with the constant flights away from home. i learned that my phone can store 90 messages in a special folder reserved for all of his messages. i learned that affection can be freely given without expectations of you being amazing. i learned that brothers can read guys like books and can tell you a lot about men. i learned that love can be slowly developed over time. i learned that two people can be happy with just planning for the future that may not be fully there yet, but is a goal you both share.

most of all, i learned that someone amazing -- and fits the checklist! -- can actually truly fall for me.

so don't blame me if i jump in headfirst again.