i'm not worthy!

remember the movie wayne's world? one of the funniest things - in my opinion - about the movie is whenever the two of them would go "i'm not worthy! i'm not worthy!" complete with the upper half body bowing gestures. it's hilarious, i must admit, but there are times in our own REAL lives that we feel like doing the same thing, right?

case in point: last saturday, mars and i caught XEREX in festival mall (aubrey addiction, on my part, not his). he was nothing but nice and sweet and loving the entire afternoon. he got the movie tickets, volunteered to get me popcorn, made sure i was comfortable in my seat, etc. etc. a better woman would've glowed in his adulation. i, on the other hand, threw him an irritated "what???" whenever i'd catch him looking at me intently. most women would simply simper and melt at his kind of sweet, gentle loving. i get pissed.

since the break-up almost a month ago, i've been giving him the same line over and over again -- i'm not worthy! i have highlighted all my flaws, made myself scarce, stayed out till the wee hours of the morning, and failed to return his text messages to no avail. he still believes i am kind, sweet, gentle, loving, and tender. no matter how many times i tell him that i'll just hurt him in the end, break his heart, and do him harm, he'd still rather choose to believe that everything will work out in the end if he loved me and tried to understand me.

why is it that the more we convince people of our flaws, the more they believe we're better than we say we are? have our logic grown that twisted that we always think the opposite of what people are actually saying?

either that or i have "project" written all over my forehead.

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but honestly, isn't this the very reason why women go for the bad guys? robin padilla may not be the world's best husband but that didn't stop a whole slew of women from falling in love with him. skipper -- miranda's ex in sex in the city -- on the other hand is the world's best teddy bear boyfriend, but that didn't stop miranda from dumping him either. is it the mystery that bad guys bring in our lives? is it the excitement?

maybe, just maybe, it's the knowledge that in case this all ends, it's going to be his fault, and not mine.